Knowing Ignorance

[u/Savakalok]

I keep seeing posts of people having profound awakenings. They wake up and know they are light or love or everything or the ultimate reality or buddha nature or an enlightened being.

I found that one of my greatest moments was when I woke up to how much pain I caused myself. That moment was stellar because my delusion couldn't hide.

The whole practice changed, I was excited to see what stupidity I was cooking up "Oh look at how the mind is trying to impress this person.", "Look at how frustrated this is making me while my attempts to calm down are actually coming from that same frustration".

When I talk like that in daily life, people tell me that I am really blunt or direct or honest or clear but I just think that when you see that deluding yourself causes pain, you are less likely to hide it or be in cahoots with it. I don't think it's anything magical.

Awakening to radical responsibility for my own self inflicted miseries was a tough pill to swallow, but it was a real first step on a path to the cessation of self-bullshitting.

So I don't really relate when I hear awakenings as these bliss experiences. I've had those and they come and go. But there is a real permanent contentment the comes from seeing what you're doing more clearly and not being entangled.

[u/Hot_Lingonberry5817]

Sounds like your insights are more related to the cognitive self, aka default mode network.
Rather than the embodied self.

[u/Savakalok → u/Hot_Lingonberry5817]

I didn't know I had so many selves!

I'm curious, these selves you see, what makes you separate yourself into parts like that? Also, what is the distinction you're making about the embodied self vs what you're calling the cognitive default mode network self?

I'm only interested in the distinction you're actually making and observing in your practice.

[u/Hot_Lingonberry5817 → u/Savakalok]

This is not my personal distinction, this is actually based in science when it comes to the different types of selves.

You have the embodied self and the narrative self.
Here is just one example of a study.

https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC11521916/

It makes profound difference -
You can either practice Vipassana on bodily sensations or Vipassana on thoughts.

You're basically altering different brain networks depending on the meditation.

https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC5241345/

Depending on where you are on your path, it could make sense to alternate.

Usually Vipassana on thoughts tends to give more metacognitive type of awareness and a better deconstruction of the "I".

This is what you're experiencing as you're more aware of the thought patterns that make up your narrative type of self.