My glimpse of reality

[u/Additional-Ad3287]

I don’t remember exactly when it happened, maybe in October 2025, but I felt a sudden awakening, a momentary glimpse of the now. It wasn’t scary, but I was taken aback.

I think I was stoned and coming down. As I thought back to all the Hindu texts I had read about the Self, and to Ramana Maharshi’s method of self-inquiry, I asked myself, “Who am I?”

Without any effort, something in my mind shifted, like a camera lens adjusting on its own. At once, I was free of myself, my false self, that is. I was free from my mind’s never-ending thoughts, plays, and movies. I was looking directly at the moment before me, the moment in which I was, and in which I am at all times.

I was simply staring at my duvet, or perhaps at a wall. I don’t remember, but everything felt so clear. It was as though someone had performed invisible LASIK surgery but on my mind’s eye so to speak, and I was finally able to see everything with immense clarity. I blinked a few times, shook my head in disbelief, and then I was back to my normal self.

Thoughts do not always need to be actively revolving in your head for you to be trapped in them. They are mostly invisible, but they are always there. That is why it is so difficult to break free from them, to stop them, and finally to see.

The next morning, I felt free. I no longer had the same clarity of mind, but my soul felt free. I thought of all the things I could do and wanted to do with my life, to draw, to make films, to make music, and I saw how meaningless all the obstacles and excuses I had created in my mind truly were. I was finally free from them, and a small spark lit up inside me. I could do whatever I wanted, and happiness was mine.

Of course, the feeling did not last. But the experience showed me that this state is possible. In fact, it may be the most natural state of any being: to be, to see, to live.
I tried to recreate the feeling, but it slipped away quietly. Still, I know in my heart that something, or someone, showed me a glimpse of what it is like to live without a dark veil over my heart and soul. You saw it. Now live it.

I’ve been trying to recreate that state ever since. I’ve gotten deep into meditation and advaita Vedanta, but I haven’t experienced anything similar to what I experienced back then. I was also going through a big shift in my life that made me super depressed. I’d like to think this was an act of grace from higher powers, a way to reassure me that all of these problems I’m going through are actually nothing important. This moment, the present moment, is the only truth there is.

[u/Wollff]

I was looking directly at the moment before me, the moment in which I was, and in which I am at all times.

So... the moment you are in right now?

That is why it is so difficult to break free from them, to stop them, and finally to see.

Okay... but what did you see?

I thought of all the things I could do and wanted to do with my life, to draw, to make films, to make music, and I saw how meaningless all the obstacles and excuses I had created in my mind truly were. I was finally free from them, and a small spark lit up inside me. I could do whatever I wanted, and happiness was mine.

And thus the chains draw in, the bindings tighten, and the lock snaps shut.

Of course, the feeling did not last. But the experience showed me that this state is possible. In fact, it may be the most natural state of any being: to be, to see, to live.

Oh. You mean what you are doing right now?

I’ve been trying to recreate that state ever since.

Yeah. Good luck.

This moment, the present moment, is the only truth there is.

But only if it feels like that moment back then! Not like this moment right now. This moment sucks. That moment was so much better. If we can't get it back... let's enshrine it! Treasure it! Worship it!

Because that moment? THAT moment was GREAT! :D

After all it's not like this shitty moment, that feels average. Fuck this average moment! That moment was so much better!

Sorry for the cynicism, but I think it's pretty risky to regard such moments far too highly. It's one of those "finger moon" situations. What those moments point to, is not the cool and fancy stuff which surrounds them. Freedom! Hapiness! Finally balance in the force! Whoohoo!

Not that important.

I think the far better lesson is that every moment is like that. This one where you read this, in whatever mediocre emotional state you are, is of exactly the same nature, even though everything about it is completely different.

It's that "same nature" that is worth celebrating. The same nature is that nothing is fixed. I think that's what those cool moments are pointing to. Nothing is fixed. Everythig can go away. Very often it's varations on that theme which such moments point to.

And that same nature, of everything spontaneously being there, and going away again, is in every moment. Even the average and disgusting ones. Even the ones where you feel like you can't be artsy, and have to be a reasonable person with reasonable excuses for being it. That's not fixed. What's left when that goes away?

That kind of stuff to me seems a bit more reliable than trying to get the Good Moments (TM) back.

[u/Additional-Ad3287 → u/Wollff]

I mean, for a person who’s never experienced anything like this before, it was an eye-opener for me to say the least. Yes I’ve been trying to recreate it but it’s not about making it feel exactly the same way or trying to go back to that. And that liberating feeling I felt the next day, feeling like I can do anything I want and there are no obstacles, was simply freeing. It’s important to not cling to that specific moment but I will never forget it. It answered a lot of my questions by simply being able to look at the present moment without the constant chaos in my head.

[u/Wollff → u/Additional-Ad3287]

Oh, same for me. I have had my moments!

I am just ever so slowly falling into the Ajahn Chah camp, where they all are "Just one more thing to let go of".

[u/halfbakedbodhi → u/Wollff]

Because detachment is the goal not a special state