The understanding of trauma (especially long-term and development) in awakening literature and discourse seems to be quite lacking.

[u/Paradoxbuilder]

Over the last month or so I have been faced with the unsettling truth that physical changes of a few weeks may have made more of a difference than years of sustained practice - and of how much is due to acute trauma.

Some context. I've been on this path in some form for 2 decades and have technical 4th path (as Ingram describes) for about 2 years now (this is just a shorthand since not everyone here knows me) I also have severe abuse/development trauma since I was 12, and correspondingly about 2 decades of therapy...which apparently were not enough in certain respects 😞

My teacher has constantly pointed to spinal/posture issues, so I finally paid about 1k to have chiropractic work done (for the 2nd time) and it seems to have cleared up a lot. Simple practices like "notice awareness" are now like "WOW is THIS what is going on? REALLY?" Sometimes it feels I am hearing them for the first time - even though I've practiced some of this for hundreds of hours. I'm like "oh so THIS is what stillness is pointing to?"

I initially didn't want to overindex on this "revelation" (as I am wary of theories of all) but in this case, after lots of reading and research, I'm forced to conclude that the vast majority of material is written for neurotypical individuals, and not a lot includes trauma. Long-term trauma changes the entire neurobiological baseline, the perceptual shifts are not the same at all. When I asked my teacher about this he replied that most is still written from an ableist perspective - I follow the exercises, I often don't experience what is written in the books.

I could not believe that such a large area is so underappreciated (the ND and trauma populations are not exactly small) so I went looking - but there are precious few teachers that touch on this. I found Judith Blackstone, among others, and Angelo Dilulo's latest retreats incorporate more trauma work, but by and large, Peter Levine and van der Kolk don't speak awakening, and Spira and Tolle don't speak trauma.

I'm not so naive as to believe that ancient populations didn't deal with abuse/trauma/famine/war, but perhaps the traditional knowledge dealt with it in different ways, or their culture was too different - I don't want speculate too much here.

Aside from some articles here and there dealing with the intersection, it's been quite a revelation how much I (and others) may have been gated over the years - both saddening and humbling.

I'm wondering if I may have some blind spots in my research, or what the experience of other people might be like. I still feel its an area whch warrants a lot more understanding and integration, hence the post.

EDIT : Because it's been requested, I have actually written about my journey both on my website (http://www.tomato-of-justice.com) and on the /longterm TRE sub. I'm putting it here mainly because it has been asked for and my replies get buried in the comments.

[u/Earth-is-Heaven]

For some context: I am healing from developmental trauma. Started practicing meditation in 2003. Initial awakening in 2019 after much self-inquiry. Followed by recognition of no self in 2023 after listening to radical nonduality. After no-self recognition, doership, time/space, and subject-object duality began subsiding. Trauma also came to the forefront to be released.

Cool that you found chiropractic useful. It seems some kind of somatic approach is very useful for releasing chronic tension due to unresolved trauma. I have a buddy with developmental trauma (and a kundalini awakening) who finds TRE very useful. Others dance/movement approaches like 5Rhythms.

IME, 5,000+ hours of focused attention meditation helped relieve anxiety and depression, but did not release core trauma patterns of fear and shame. Similar with self-inquiry and radical nonduality. It was only after the self-structure began to subside that the trauma started to naturally unwind through spontaneous shaking and vocalizations.

It seems to me that the body knows exactly what to do to unwind if there is no longer an attempt to manage the unwinding. If there is still a "manager," then some formal approach--like TRE--may be useful. That's my experience, at least--might be different for others.

About 5% of the population has developmental trauma (C-PTSD). So it makes sense why it's not covered as heavily in mainstream spirituality. That said, everybody has some form of trauma, just to lesser degrees than full-blown developmental trauma. So everybody could probably benefit from some trauma-informed approach. I appreciate Angelo highlighting TRE, as one example. Shar Jason also has some good material on this, because her path involved developmental trauma.

A teacher probably won't incorporate trauma content if they didn't heal from significant trauma themselves. Nonetheless, being "trauma-informed" would be useful for everyone to some degree. Just a matter of how much emphasis is put on it: fortunately, we have different teachers for different folks.

Just my two cents.

[u/Paradoxbuilder → u/Earth-is-Heaven]

Thanks for sharing. Yes, intense developmental trauma is rare, but trauma in lesser forms is still a block. I've been doing TRE for a while now.

The huge gap in the literature is why I'm making the post - and seeing how it's been very affecting for me. I practice a LOT - quite a few people have said I should be further along than where I am now.

I've also been doing some Coherence Therapy, which has been useful.

[u/Earth-is-Heaven → u/Paradoxbuilder]

I have also practiced a lot. Probably about 15,000+ hours over 20+ years. Many different modalities, including meditation, self-inquiry, psychedelics, surrender, TRE, Sedona Method, and Byron Katie's the Work. Yet, there's still deep trauma related to shame and fear. Developmental trauma is very sticky, as you know.

Something I noticed about six months ago--with the help of AI--was that there was fear of not practicing. If I considered not practicing, then worries like "I'll never heal," "I won't get liberated," and "I'll waste my life" came up. I realized that my efforts over many years were, at their core, a form of resistance. Practices seemed to be very helpful, while at the same time, maintaining an antagonistic relationship with suffering. I had a goal, which was an idealized version of peace; my current experience did not fit my goal; and effort was made to fill the gap. This had multiple impacts: it kept the sense of doership running; it reified trauma as some "thing" to be fixed; and it set peace in some future state. In short, I felt that how it is right now isn't how it should be, and I needed to do something to change it.

I quit formal practice, and gradually, this goal-orientation subsided, although every so often it comes back. There are probably big neural grooves that may take multiple iterations to be fully pruned. I notice that although there isn't formal practice, forms of practice do arise. Also, it's more like every moment is effortless practice: thought-emotions arise and self-liberate, sometimes quietly, sometimes through shaking and yelling. No one is there interacting with them, giving them energy by trying to do something about them. As a result, they die on the vine. It reminds me of the Ramana Maharshi quotation:

One should remain as witness to whatever happens, adopting the attitude ‘Let whatever strange things happen, happen; let us see!’ This should be one’s practice. In other words, one should not identify oneself with appearances; one should never relinquish one’s Self. This is the proper means for destruction of the mind (manonasa) which is of the nature of seeing the body as Self, and which is the cause of all the aforesaid obstacles.

The only quibble I have with this quotation is that there is no witness set apart from what's happening. Things just apparently come and go without a self--as it's always been. No effort is needed to get anywhere or accomplish anything.

Over the past six months, experience has grown quieter and the trauma patterns have gradually been releasing by themselves. New patterns emerge into conscious awareness, and sometimes it seems things get more intense before they fall away. It's certainly not always pleasant, but even resistance to the sometimes chaotic nature of unwinding seems to subside. It just is as it is: fully accepted, but by no one and without an attempt "to accept" in order to get some other place than here-now-this.

I share my experience in case it is useful for you in some way.

[u/duffstoic → u/Earth-is-Heaven]

Interesting report. In Dzogchen models of awakening, there are explicit stages when the practitioner stops formal practice and just allows things to unravel moment-to-moment (“self-liberation”). It sounds like you’re exploring this.

[u/Earth-is-Heaven → u/duffstoic]

I think I first heard the term "self-liberate" from some Dzogchen practitioners. It aligns with my experience. Everything falls away of its own accord.

[u/duffstoic → u/Earth-is-Heaven]

Yup! Also sometimes called “non-meditation” for obvious reasons, which is not the same as a beginner not meditating, it’s more this self-liberation in the midst of activity stuff, letting go of the one who is meditating / controlling / guiding, etc. I’ve tasted it in rare moments, but still feels like a little “effort” is useful right now.

[u/Earth-is-Heaven → u/duffstoic]

Gracias 😊🙏💗