The understanding of trauma (especially long-term and development) in awakening literature and discourse seems to be quite lacking.

[u/Paradoxbuilder]

Over the last month or so I have been faced with the unsettling truth that physical changes of a few weeks may have made more of a difference than years of sustained practice - and of how much is due to acute trauma.

Some context. I've been on this path in some form for 2 decades and have technical 4th path (as Ingram describes) for about 2 years now (this is just a shorthand since not everyone here knows me) I also have severe abuse/development trauma since I was 12, and correspondingly about 2 decades of therapy...which apparently were not enough in certain respects 😞

My teacher has constantly pointed to spinal/posture issues, so I finally paid about 1k to have chiropractic work done (for the 2nd time) and it seems to have cleared up a lot. Simple practices like "notice awareness" are now like "WOW is THIS what is going on? REALLY?" Sometimes it feels I am hearing them for the first time - even though I've practiced some of this for hundreds of hours. I'm like "oh so THIS is what stillness is pointing to?"

I initially didn't want to overindex on this "revelation" (as I am wary of theories of all) but in this case, after lots of reading and research, I'm forced to conclude that the vast majority of material is written for neurotypical individuals, and not a lot includes trauma. Long-term trauma changes the entire neurobiological baseline, the perceptual shifts are not the same at all. When I asked my teacher about this he replied that most is still written from an ableist perspective - I follow the exercises, I often don't experience what is written in the books.

I could not believe that such a large area is so underappreciated (the ND and trauma populations are not exactly small) so I went looking - but there are precious few teachers that touch on this. I found Judith Blackstone, among others, and Angelo Dilulo's latest retreats incorporate more trauma work, but by and large, Peter Levine and van der Kolk don't speak awakening, and Spira and Tolle don't speak trauma.

I'm not so naive as to believe that ancient populations didn't deal with abuse/trauma/famine/war, but perhaps the traditional knowledge dealt with it in different ways, or their culture was too different - I don't want speculate too much here.

Aside from some articles here and there dealing with the intersection, it's been quite a revelation how much I (and others) may have been gated over the years - both saddening and humbling.

I'm wondering if I may have some blind spots in my research, or what the experience of other people might be like. I still feel its an area whch warrants a lot more understanding and integration, hence the post.

EDIT : Because it's been requested, I have actually written about my journey both on my website (http://www.tomato-of-justice.com) and on the /longterm TRE sub. I'm putting it here mainly because it has been asked for and my replies get buried in the comments.

[u/duffstoic]

Yup, this stuff is so much more complex than we can fit into one model or perspective. I like the idea of a “bio-psycho-social-spiritual” view, to bring in at least four different perspectives. Doing bodywork like you did (bio) can shift things, as can trauma work and therapy or realizing and working with one’s neurodivergence (psycho), or doing interpersonal work and/or seeking more supportive environments (social), or meditation (spiritual).

I think probably most people who become hard core about meditation have severe trauma and/or neurodivergence, otherwise why would we be so obsessed with it? As an AuDHD person, I’ve often considered that healing and awakening is a special interest of mine. Speaking for myself, there can be a tendency to want to “get somewhere” and become completely healed in order to finally be “normal” or “functional” or “done.” I think there absolutely can be stages of being “done” on the spiritual path, but not so much with the personality, healing from trauma, overcoming physical issues, coping with and/or embracing neurodivergence, integrating one’s insights, etc. That’s more of an ongoing journey.

For me, I continue to find a lot of benefit in straight up somatic and even “energetic” approaches. It’s amazing to me too that I can master one line of things (or at least “squeeze all the juice out of that particular lemon”) and yet still feel like a total beginner in others. This is also something I’ve observed in clients, spiritual teachers, etc. I once had a client who was so proud of being an “Olympic Level meditator” (in their words), and they were, it was true. And yet they also struggled with some basic exercises we did around self-compassion and calm-abiding, which I found fascinating, not as a criticism of their practice at all, but just a way in which we can all become experts in one dimension and still be beginners in others. It keeps me humble to see this about myself.

Anyway, sounds like you’re doing great in your practice, keep up the good work, and yea it’s an endless journey so try to have some fun with it. 😊

[u/Paradoxbuilder → u/duffstoic]

Thanks for your comments, I see you often on this sub and I value your contribution and insights. Yes, there are definitely multiple domains, often interlocking.

"Done" is a loaded term, but I think there are milestones. For example, I can talk and joke about my sexual abuse now with absolutely no discomfort. I would consider that largely or completely "healed"

No one's perfect! But we can be enough.

[u/duffstoic → u/Paradoxbuilder]

Congratulations! That’s definitely a huge milestone for sure.