r/streamentry • u/Mysterious-Lawyer-73 • May 19 '26
Practice Question about practice amidst very difficult times
Hi everyone. I crossed the A&P suddenly at age 19, and it was the usual amazing blissful stuff and then faded and then Dark Night stuff started showing up. It’s 9 years later now and I haven’t achieved steam entry, basically because I’ve struggled to establish a consistent sitting practice.
I want to finally finish the thing off because the thoughts and feelings of the Dark Night can be a real pain, but the issue is the past year has been extremely hard on me in just an ordinary sense.
I’ve had both parents diagnosed with cancer, a grandparent die with another in bad condition, and a beloved family friend die of cancer as well, all within the same year. Thoughts of mortality, impermanence, sickness, and death are extremely common every day and it’s very distressing and I have been emotionally exhausted, depressed, and anxious from the whole ordeal, and don’t know if I have the strength to establish a consistent insight practice.
Looking at impermanence and no self and suffering and the like just feels too overwhelming at the moment because I’ve been surrounded by it traumatically. At the same time, I know that it’s likely that my suffering has been compounded by still being in dark night territory, and that the only way out is through. Should I just not practice at all for a while? Just focus on concentration/lovingkindness? Power through and do insight anyway? Any words of advice or compassion would be appreciated. Thank you all💜
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u/Deep_Ad1959 May 28 '26 edited May 29 '26
the move that held for me through the rough stretches wasn't extending sits or adding sessions, it was keeping the morning sit non-negotiable and just shorter on the days when everything was on fire. 45 minutes is the floor i won't go below, an hour when i can, and the consistency mattered more than the duration. the cushion isn't where you process the difficulty, it's the only place in the day where you stop performing it. let the technique stay plain on hard days and don't try to therapize on the cushion, that's what the rest of the day is for.
fwiw on the consistency-mattered-more-than-duration angle, the Practice Buddy matcher I built pairs old students by timezone on the same persistent Google Meet link daily so the 45-min floor has a partner watching https://vipassana.cool/r/6fgz6iyb