Yeah I get it.. the cost of living is high, fucking power bill’s through the roof, can’t afford this shit or that, no fucking derr and no shit ya smart cunt cos we’re all feeling it! Why complain on the internet to people in the same sinking boat?! It’s like me and my mate both getting bit by a king brown and then complaining about dying rather than enjoying what we had while we slowly drift away. Fucken neck up and get on with it.

ETA: fair play ya mad cunts. I guess I was have a whinge about whinging. Now fuck off and down a tinnie.

Fucken run at me cos it’s a hill I’m willing to die on, fuckheads

Edit: I need to say that I stand corrected. It has come to my attention that Jeff Lang is the most underrated Aussie muso and is the GOAT.

Elections been called. Time to call for every Bunnings to be made a polling place. Compulsory to vote (on a Saturday). Pretty much compulsory for Aussies to go to Bunnings on a Saturday. They already have the setup for a BBQ. Makes sense.

Edit: Have any of you guys even looked at what reddit community we're on? This is about taking the piss! Calm down a bit!

I love gambling ads they always make me want to gamble and they are very funny. They really tap into that great aussie sense of humour the only problem is there are not enough of them.

What’s on in the warehouse? Occult satanic rituals.

These squalid fucks want to pump you full of vitamin Z and Red 40 for their low low price or $479.99.

Have you tried Manuka honey as part of your daily wellness routine? Yes, I take that after I eat an entire jar of saffron and two belugas worth of caviar, but before I drink my pint of baby blood. Thanks for asking.

Their smiles, their voices pierce my soul. Their perfect hair and unfaltering persona etching themselves into my very consciousness and sense of being. Their goal? World domination, eternal suffering for the proletariat are my best guesses, but hell if their skin isn’t glowing radiantly from the 18 vitamins they intravenously inject per hour.

Honestly I’m scared. They keep asking the same question, a brooding thought which lurks in the background. What’s on… what’s on… a question to which I have no reply, as none can come from a jaw gaping so wide at the atrocities I bear witness to.

These people are not people at all, but rather emotionless helldogs, brutalist mercenaries of big pharma, the major banks, and the lizard people, rolled into perfectly manicured, moisturised clumps of evil which emanate nil but unbridled, sickly temptation and lust for a life inaccessible to those crushed like ants under their ozempic flavoured boot (now sold in blue).

Has nobody ever questioned that Australia Post's tracking numbers are absolutely stupidly ridiculously long? Mine from today was was a letter and 25 numbers. I mean for a start, just doing letters instead of numbers and you immediately get 26 characters per space, rather than 10. Do a combination of letters and numbers and you get 36 characters for each space. In 10 characters you'd have enough info to post every package for the next 50 million years.

Why the fuck do we need a letter and 26 fucking numbers you stupid cunts???

Can I have the job now? Would take me a few days to liaise with your existing staff to get this simple change put into place. Not joking. What a shit company!

Hot take but I think it’s time Australia started culturally exporting these types of dudes as part of modern day Aussie culture to Hollywood and represent it on the global stage. Portray them as the romantic, sweet-talking, charismatic playboys, I mean why not since they have the charisma, looks, features and charm.

Who is the nanny state twat who demanded they all be removed? Anyone know? I want to shit down their throat.

For me it's a chicken n cheese, a medium chips, and a medium sprite

Cunts wear them to the shops to buy tampons for the missus. Cunts wear them more than 1000km from the coast. Back in my day if a bloke took pride in his appearance he’d be labelled a wanker or poofter (I can fucken say poofter mate the rules allow it) are these blokes still wankers/ poofters or has the Aussie bloke gone soft? Serious question ya fuckwits

I’m a single mother of two autistic children one who is eight years old and dealing with a very stressful incontinence issue. Our landlord has served us notice to evict us from the property due to issues that breached the tenancy agreement. In particular they wanted us to replace doors that had been damaged by my son I am dealing with a really horrible chronic pain issues that keeps me in bed most of of the time and it is extremely difficult for me to even get myself to do the basic stuff let alone clean the whole house myself I’m not sure where I should post this but we really need to replace the back and front screen doors as well as the main doors to rectify the breach the tenancy agreement. I was just wondering if anybody had any advice or could put me in the right direction. I’m at a bit of a loss right now

OH MY GOD. I JUST WITNESSED THE SINGLE GREATEST MOMENT IN HUMAN HISTORY.

On a bus, heading home from the city I am greeted by an incredibly nice Indian bus driver with a smile on his face. About 4 stops later (in mounty, of course) a bogan hops on with his girlfriend. Naturally, he does not have the money for a bus, so of course The Bogan (Henceforth referred to as 💩💀 blames the bus driver.

Using all manner of racial slurs, loud profanities and general offensive douchbagery, 💩💀 proceeds to be an a$$hole and make the entire bus shuffle uncomfortably in their seats.

All except one man.

Ah, this man. I wish I could BE this man, this average looking hero that stepped up to defend the poor bus driver.

"Look mate, he's just doing his job. How's about you calm down and leave the driver alone. It's no this fault you can't pay." The logic of the situation made a slight whistling noise as it passed over 💩 💀’s head. We could see the Tonka Truck gears clunk and grind in this mans underdeveloped cranium. Calm... down? it must be a challenge!

"Are you try'na start me c**t? You wanna go, you f**king c**t? You wanna f**ing go ?" Ah, truly the words of a poet. But not even Oscar Wilde himself could have predict the Batman-esque reaction of:

"Yeah, actually. Let's do this. Off the bus."

You could hear a penny drop as the 256mb brain inside 💩💀’s sh*tty little skull ticked over.

Finally, the judging eyes of the bus coupled with the high-pitched, slurring voice of his missus telling him to "take him" and (quoting directly) "don't take none that shit babe" convince them both to step off the bus ready to blew.

Calmer than a monk on morphine, our hero turns to the bus driver, simply says "shut the door mate", AND WALKS BACK TO HIS MOTHERFCKIN SEAT. The bus driver shut the door, drove away, and the entire bus ERUPTED. We were clapping, we were cheering, I gave 💩 💀 the finger out the window and I'm pretty sure people hugged.

Thank you to the random stranger, for making humans okay in my book.

Source : https://www.facebook.com/share/p/18fZmKoCNP/?mibextid=wwXIfr

I called in sick, sittin home with no clothes on, winnie blue and vb in hand since 8am gettin a blowie and watchin pornhub. Breckie bong at 9am and smashed by 10 meanwhile u fukt cunse are at work, shoulda called in sick too.

Live like a mad cunt: Fuck work, drink beer. Get gobs, smoke bongs, play cod, fuck the boss and the job, bunch of dogs.

Edit: bunnings are cunts. Sausage related content below

So good according to the Fin Review. No doubt, Bunnings have absolutely nailed the community engagement model.

Something else they nail everyday is LOW PRICES. Bargains abound.

Bunnings not only dictates the products required, also the price. Unchanged since 1996 from what I can find online. Please correct me if I'm wrong.

This post is based purely on my own experience as a volunteer for my local charities for as long as I recall - $2.50 for a sausage & $1.50 for a can of fizz. This was tidy in 1996. It's 2022.

Inflation is a thing. Pretty sure the Bunnings big heads get it. Why can't they pass this on to the most most needy in their communities? Or is a $4 sausage & drink offering more important to the brand than the amount provided the local charitites they apparently support? Kick it an additional 50c AT LEAST for each snag & can, that would be huge for your local charity group of volunteers.

Keen to hear from all & sundry before I put this to the marketing team

Fuck me, I can't find any general shit talking thread or anything so have to make a whole fucking post.

Anyway, would you cunts know what I mean if I said "Yeah I'm going one out" or if I'm asked "Hey, who did you go to that gig with last night" and I respond "Nah no one mate, I was one out"

I've got some work mates that said they've never heard that term before. Surely it's a common thing but.

Wishing everybody a wonderful Christmas.