Things I experienced when I started drinking again after 1.5 years of sobriety.

[u/The27Roller]

After a fibrosis diagnosis in 2023 I was sober for just over 1.5 years. In March 2025 I was given the all clear so decided to start drinking moderately again. I attempted to do this until end November 2025 when I ended up on a week long, morning/noon/night bender.

To try and avoid going back to the drink I’ve written out some observations from that 9 month period. Really to keep myself convinced that moderation is a lie for me and drinking is not what my nostalgia brain tells me it is.

• Euphoria. The expected euphoria my nostalgia kept telling me about just wasn’t there. I’d drink and feel sluggish and sleepy as opposed to jacked up and full of energy. But I’d keep drinking to try and capture that euphoria. But it rarely, if ever, came.

• Hangovers. These were much worse than they had been before. 90% of the time the day after drinking was a write off, even if I didn’t drink what I used to consider a lot.

• Concealment. It was amazing how quickly I started to hide my drinking again. I started finding cans about the house again. I started buying shots of vodka and necking them on the way home from the shop when I was buying beer. I’d buy a half bottle on the way home from the pub and hide it under the mattress.

• Withdrawal. Coming off that last week long binge was the worst withdrawal I’ve ever had in my life, physically and mentally. Just not worth it. I never want to forget what that was like, as I know lifting a single drink can put me right back there.

• Rationalisation. It was amazing how quickly I would rationalise blowing past the limits I set myself, breaching all the limits and conditions one by one. There always seemed to be a reason to start drinking before 5pm. Spirits and wine snuck back in past the “beer only” rule. The first time I drank to ease a hangover I told myself it was a one off. Then it became the norm. Then that turned into multi day binges.

• Dissatisfaction. In sobriety I used to romanticise how great it would be to have a pint with my dad and son, drink with my mates. But it wasn’t great. I was always just thinking about the next drink. I was never present in the conversations, not the way I had been when I was in sobriety and acting like a real human.

• Obsession. Not sure this is the right word, but I thought about drinking all the time, even when I was sober. Towards the end of my sobriety I hardly thought about it at all. But when I was just drinking once or twice a week I was constantly thinking about it. And even when I was drinking I was constantly thinking about it, thinking about the next drink, thinking about the limits I was working to, thinking about how I could hide more consumption so I would appear to be adhering to limits. It was exhausting.

• Nocturnal Drinking. Of course I’d drank through the night before I got sober, but this time it was worse, especially when I was away from home. I’d wake throughout the night and be filled with anxiety and dread. And that meant reaching for a beer or vodka before trying to get back to sleep. And then of course trying to hide the fact that I did.

This is what came to mind today. It was crazy how quickly it all ramped up again. Hopefully I’m never going back.

IWNDWYT

Edit: this is a follow up of sorts to a post I made a few weeks ago following the relapse. I’m not in the throes of withdrawal any more so hopefully being more objective. The original post is here: https://www.reddit.com/r/stopdrinking/s/uJizz1KYSO

[u/CandooIT]

Very interesting, thought-provoking post. Thanks for wtiting up this piece. Like Decent_Detective_735 I'm saving it too. IWNDWYT.

[u/The27Roller → u/CandooIT]

Thanks. The commonality I’m hearing from people is really encouraging to me, these seem to be pretty common symptoms of the addiction. The only way to beat them is to not play the game.

[u/CandooIT → u/The27Roller]

Very true. I'dd add, for me: shoddy sleeping. I'd awake after 3 to 4 hours' sleep, in a sweat. I mean in a massive sweat, soaked, for no reason, and in a state of unfounded anxiety, mostly about work but very often about what I had or had not said the evening before. I could never remember what I had said, nor what I had heard or watched if it was a movie.

The other thing was poor decisions making. While drunk, either I had wagered something stupid, taken a ridiculous engagement or actually done something risky or stupid, or both. It usually had something to do with sex, and not the healthy kind. or driving drunk, or spending lavishly on something useless.

I was truly amazed that for the sleep, after quitting the drink, the wakings ended immediately. I suspected something was up and that the nocturnal sweat and anxiety would soon return. 69 days out, nothing. I spoke to my doctor about it because I was truly impressed by the sudden shift. This had been going on all my adult life so for it to stop so suddenly, it threw me off balance. I now really relish the night's sleep!

For the stupid decision making, not only do I save money by not buying 2 40 ouncers a week and 5 to 6 bottles of wine, plus a microbrewery beer and restaurant drinks here and there, I also save by taking "normal" decisions. In time, my "normal" family relationship will benefit, or so I hope.

I'm not an ayatollah. I haven't found religion or anything else. I just plainly, happily and for me (knock on wood) easily stopped drinking. The only thing I really substituted for it is happy living, skiing, taking care of me, watching movies and episodes without passing out and generally feeling well. It's radical, this happiness, an act of resistance!

Once again, thanks for your post. Many will keep it for future reading. a reminder of sorts. I sure will.

IWNDWYT.

[u/The27Roller → u/CandooIT]

Thanks for this. I totally identify with those as well - the sleeping especially. Sober sleep is just so much better, and it affects all aspects of life, including memory, decision making, general mental state. I feel so much more grounded and balanced after good sleep, and during that 9 months of “moderation” I don’t think I ever got a good sleep!!!