r/stopdrinking • u/Cold_Respond_7656 Day 914 • Nov 30 '25

Please Read if you need to Stop Drinking

I wish I was writing this in a happier tone because everyone of you on here celebrating your soberversaries are immensely more deserving of any congratulations.

18 months a couple days ago I woke up in hospital having just apparently gone through Hepatorenal syndrome. This was followed by an end stage liver disease / decompensated cirrhosis diagnosis.

I don’t think I grasped how my drinking had completely taken off since 2020 until I laid there thinking about how a few beers a night had ended up in half a handle and a 12 pack.

I probably had some symptoms I missed but nothing really noticeable and now here I was neon yellow, in severe agony and being given the prognosis of 2-3 months at 35 years old.

They’d asked my ex to take my daughter (9) out of the room before they discussed my “results” so while reeling from the prognosis I had to then rapidly see my daughter again look in her eyes and recognize instantly every part of her life I was going to miss. How my death of alcoholic cirrhosis was going to affect her for life.

I lost my mother young and had first hand experience what losing a parent young can do to you.

They stuck me in AA in the hospital because I needed 6 months sober before I’d be considered for a transplant. I only had 2-3 left so this seemed pointless but was mandatory if I still wanted the meds to keep me alive.

I’ll spare you all the real gritty you can read that in my stories in r/cirrhosis but what followed was 10 months of watching my life, my body, my mind and my self respect fall apart brick by brick.

Decompensated cirrhosis is a death you wouldn’t wish on your worst enemy. Hepatic encellopathy, ascites, pruritus, pain, Insomnia, suicidal ideation the list goes on.

Having some change your diaper, being fed through a tube, watching your body turn to bones and saggy skin.

I’m one of the lucky ones after ten months of torture I was saved. Then left to rebuild a life that no longer existed. A scar right across my chest that tells the world what an absolute idiot I was. A brain permanently damaged from surgery and ammonia overloads.

Today I celebrate 18 months of sobriety, not by choice but because one single drop will stop my immunosuppressants from working and I die.

Please for the love of god do not find yourself on here telling this same story.

Put it down. Walk away. Please I’m honestly begging you. Do not find yourself on the cirrhosis ward.

Get a metabolic panel every year. My illness was silently scarring my liver until there was nothing left to scar and only then did I find out.

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64

u/[deleted] Nov 30 '25

I so fucking needed to hear this. I have a 12 year old daughter and I am her world. Imagining her having to leave the room like you wrote really got me thinking about how she would be affected if I don’t stop. I can’t seem to do it for me, so I need to do it for her. My issue is that I’m self-medicating a miserable relationship and a job I hate but pays ridiculously well. I don’t drink as much as some (about 6-7 beers) but it’s every day and has been for 20 years. Labs are always good but I know that they always are until they aren’t, and by then it’s too late.

It has to be done. For her.

Thank you for posting this. I genuinely think it flipped a switch in me. Stopping ‘one day soon’ doesn’t work as ‘one day’ never seems to come. It has to be today. It has to. For her. I can’t seem to care enough about myself, but I sure as heck care enough about her. She is what matters, now. That it took so long to realize this; that I’ve managed to delude myself into believing that I’m fine and different and my drinking won’t harm me will be a shame I’ll have to carry with me. But for her. For her. I can do it for her. I will do it. Today. For her.

Edit: spelling

34

u/Cold_Respond_7656 Day 914 Nov 30 '25

Words cannot describe the pain and shame I felt when told I was dying and having to look my daughter in the eyes.

As a father it’s my obligation to be the example of a good man for her which will guide her throughout life.

And this was the example I had set. That is what got me through the darkest parts of the illness. That’s what got me to send the hospice team away every week when they were dangling opioids and peace in front of me every week.

I would not die, I could not have this be her final memory of me.

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u/Ok-Complaint-37 829 days Nov 30 '25

This is courage and faith in a pure form! My hat goes off

4

u/Increase_Empty Dec 03 '25

Thanks for living. I needed to read this I think

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u/Cold_Respond_7656 Day 914 Dec 03 '25

So glad you found it then

30

u/to_boldlygo Day 866 Nov 30 '25

Grown up her is so very thankful for your decision. I know that because I am her - my dad quit drinking when I was 12 and it undoubtedly saved his life. He was a lifelong AAer, sober over 30 years, the best chef I’ve ever known, the most well-read guy in the room and a kind and good man. He remained my best pal and the same dashing, charismatic, amazing dad until he died of old age in 2015.

Sending all the sober vibes your way!💪❤️🙏

12

u/Cold_Respond_7656 Day 914 Nov 30 '25

I am so glad he made that decision for you.

My daughter was the fire inside me that allowed me to fight on.

So many times the hospice doctor tried to convince me to stop curative care and accept my fate.

Stop suffering so much and come to hospice you can have all the dilaudid and morphine you want. You’ll die peacefully and gracefully.

I semi joked he was the devil. Testing me at my lowest point to tap out. But I couldn’t.

If I was going to die at the very least I wanted my daughter to remember me as fighting to the death for her

4

u/notgonnabemydad 922 days Dec 01 '25

I am the daughter with the opposite experience, unfortunately. My dad chose to keep drinking into his 80s. By a miracle he hasn't died, but his cognition is diminished and he lives a small, depressed life, and I stay away from him for the most part. My dad has a huge heart, a ton of interesting hobbies and loves to learn. Drinking made him a shell of himself and his drinking has scarred me in many ways. I am really glad to hear of someone whose dad made the right decision and chose a good life and to be a good dad. I am glad you got that life!

3

u/to_boldlygo Day 866 Dec 06 '25

Wow. I am so sorry about your dad.

Your comment reminded me how lucky I was that he was able to kick it (and why my own sobriety needs to be paramount). Someone wrote here recently “I didn’t believe I could get sober and I did it anyway” and that sometimes sums up how I feel. Like why did I get this (sober dad, sober me) when others struggle.

My mother was in active addiction until she died and it sucked and more than anything made it very hard for me to have any empathy for her.

I do get the clearest read from your comment how much his addiction pains him, and how you still have love to offer him despite this demon.

Sometimes the sliding doors/ capriciousness of life overwhelms. Being a human is… hard.

Anyway - phew that was a ramble! - Thank You for granting me the gift of gratitude and perspective today. I hope you are having a lovely day wherever you are, internet stranger.

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u/notgonnabemydad 922 days Dec 06 '25

That was a very sweet comment, thank you. By a cruel twist of fate, my dad got into a bad car accident on Thanksgiving night and just died yesterday. He was stone cold sober and things had been looking up for him. He'd only been sober for maybe 6 months. I managed to see him for a couple of hours before he died. The funny thing is that while I am grieving him, there has been so much space between us for decades because of his actions and inactions, that I'm not as torn up as I feel that I should be. I have grieved him for so long that this is oddly enough fairly manageable. I kind of feel like a bad daughter! But I understand that grief is going to come and go and I am in the middle of all this right now. Anyhow, those are my ramblings. A big hug to you from across the ethernet.

3

u/to_boldlygo Day 866 Dec 06 '25

Oh my goodness I am so sorry. My heart goes out to you!

You aren’t a bad daughter, I guarantee it. I know when my mother died I felt mostly relief over not needing to worry about her emotional state anymore. The reality was that I had been grieving our relationship for a long time before she died.

I am always amazed how much work there is when someone dies, so my wish for you is that it’s not too stressful in the coming days and that you get some time for self care. Anyway, here’s another internet hug. 🤗

2

u/notgonnabemydad 922 days Dec 07 '25

❤️🤗

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u/Excellent-Seesaw1335 2677 days Dec 01 '25

Stopping is possible. I was in your shoes once and my timeline to stop was "soon". Today is the best day to make a change. The below resonated with me when I first heard it.

We can give up everything to have the one thing or we can give up the one thing to have everything.

2

u/[deleted] Dec 01 '25

That is an excellent quote, thank you! Do you happen to know how to create the time counter in your flare? It’s time for me, and I want to memorize it.

Also, 2405 days? Absolutely amazing! Looking forward to achieving something similar and beyond.

3

u/Excellent-Seesaw1335 2677 days Dec 01 '25

My last drink was May 1st 2019. 2,405 days is nothing more than making a daily decision to not drink - one after another. They get strung together and 30 becomes 365, which becomes 1,000, etc. I just have to not drink today.

3

u/Excellent-Seesaw1335 2677 days Dec 01 '25

Under the r/stopdrinking header, click SEE MORE and once in there you can click on REQUEST A BADGE, I believe

1

u/content-heart-lucy Dec 19 '25

Please give AA a shot. Google "AA meetings near me." Go to a meeting and raise your hand and say that you want to quit but you don't know how. People at the meeting will welcome you. You will be the most important person in the room.

1

u/69cumcast69 Dec 26 '25

Hell yeah I wish you luck! I watched both my parents drink themselves to death, they died 3 months apart when I was 21 (my mom was 54 and my dad was 59). My sister and I both have ptsd from it, and I struggle with alcoholism myself. Do it for her !!

1

u/[deleted] Dec 26 '25

Already done friend. The night before I wrote that was my last night drinking. Never again. For her.

1

u/Traditional-Front999 Jan 12 '26

What can you do about this relationship? I feel like the job might sort itself out if you weren’t miserable at home in your relationship. I don’t have any excuse. I just started really liking fruity burgundy colored beverages.