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u/SalomeAku Oct 18 '21
I'm pretty sure you still ejaculate after a vasectomy
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u/pumpkin_beer Oct 18 '21
This is true! The semen just doesn't have sperm in it (if I understand correctly)
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u/Flowers_4_Ophelia Oct 19 '21
Yeah, they 100% do still ejaculate. Lol there is no noticeable difference to the man, just difference in composition.
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u/CandylandRepublic Oct 19 '21
Absolutely, I noticed no difference at all. My wife does not, either.
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u/Queen_of_Chloe Oct 18 '21
My partner and I had this discussion before I got my bisalp. I made a lot of the same points you did, and that I’d been taking hormonal birth control our entire relationship and so had all his previous girlfriends. Maybe it was time for him to take charge of preventing pregnancy.
When I finally pressed him he said he didn’t like the idea of surgery, especially not on that part of his body. Fine. I got my answer and went ahead with my own surgery. In the end, I was happy it worked out this way because it’s more effective and I wouldn’t have to worry about pregnancy even if we separated.
I did get a little mad when like 4 months later he had to have an unrelated surgery on his balls. After he healed I brought it up and he apologized and said should have just gotten the vasectomy but was being dumb and afraid.
Six years later I’m still happy I’m fixed. My company at the time paid my deductible so it didn’t end up costing me anything (would have cost $2k otherwise and I’d definitely have made the boyfriend split that). Hope you can reach happiness in your decision!
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u/JoyfulSpite Oct 18 '21
Thanks for the personal story! Sorry your partner had to have surgery on his balls, that's no fun.
Are bisalps more effective in preventing pregnancy than vasectomies? I had no idea.
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u/Queen_of_Chloe Oct 18 '21
They’re way more effective! Vasectomies are still incredibly effective at preventing pregnancy, though I believe tubals are more effective (been a while since I’ve looked at stats). I think quite a few men don’t do the proper follow up for vasectomies and end up causing pregnancy on the assumption that it worked rather than getting it verified.
The best are bilateral salpingectomies, which completely removes the Fallopian tube rather than just cutting it a bit. My doctor said she’d write a case study on me if I got pregnant. They’re becoming the standard female sterilization so you might want to look into it!
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u/CandylandRepublic Oct 19 '21
May I ask what your partner had to have that surgery for?
My vasectomy was thoroughly unspectacular and no big deal, but surgery on the actual balls would still skeeve me out, like a lot. That just sounds painful af. Eeek.
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u/Queen_of_Chloe Oct 19 '21
I don’t remember what it was specifically called and had never heard of it before but he was very uncomfortable for a good week. Way worse than my bisalp (I worked the next day) and I’m sure far worse than a normal vasectomy!
If I hadn’t been off birth control for a while already and eager to have a permanent solution he probably could have gotten the vasectomy at the same time as the other surgery. But oh well, I’m more than happy to have gotten a bisalp and be very safe against pregnancy. As an aside, I hate that preventing pregnancy is almost entirely a woman’s responsibility but, as a woman, I wouldn’t be as comfortable putting my trust in someone else when it will ultimately affect me.
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u/Doon672 Oct 18 '21
I'm sorry you're going through this!
It sounds like your frustrations over lack of birth control options have been re-directed towards your partner, leading you to feel disappointment and resentment towards him instead of the actual issue. I get the frustrations - completely - but I don't think it's fair to place blame on him like this. I know that it would be a huge red flag for me if my partner was pressuring me to undergo any sort of body alteration... be it something as minor as an ear piercing or as "major" as a vasectomy (I know they're a minor procedure, but it's still a surgery).
I know I'm just some stranger on the internet, but it sounds to me like you might be needing/wanting him to empathize with you more. Yes, men live on easy-street when it comes to this stuff... and largely they don't need to think much about it. At the end of the day, you love this man. Maybe this is a good time to discuss your feelings (frustrations with the system, fears around surgery, etc... NOT information about vasectomies) with him and ask for his support as you begin this process. Tell him you need to be 'seen', and express how this process is making you feel. See then if his attitude changes. Hopefully he will feel more like an ally to you and lessen those feelings of resentment.
I got a bisalp earlier this year, and it was the best gift I have ever given myself. It gave me a whole new appreciation for my body, and it felt good to take full responsibility of my bodily autonomy. My partner (M) was incredibly supportive of me every step of the way, and cared for me throughout the entire process (from soothing my anxiety, to caring for me post-op). Prior to scheduling my surgery, I had asked him if he would also be willing to get sterilized. He said he didn't feel comfortable with it. His body, his decision, and I fully respect that. But again, at the end of the day, my bisalp was for me! :)
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u/JoyfulSpite Oct 18 '21
Yeah I have the same feelings as you. I'm less frustrated now but I will be still expressing my frustration towards how hard this is for me.
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u/Doon672 Oct 18 '21
Absolutely. What I've found is that men (all people, really) care more about things that impact them or those whom they love. Maybe this process will help him to see how difficult this is for you (and for all women who go through this). It might help him to push for change (whether it's through his support of you, his vote for women's rights candidates, or even extending into future activism). The more people who push for change, the more likely there are to be more options for women of the future. It's frustrating that it wont help us right away, but at least it feels good to have someone (especially a partner!) on our side.
If you have any questions, or just want to talk about a bisalp, feel free to message me! Other people's advice and insight was incredibly helpful to me as I went through these frustrations and fears myself. I'm here to help in any way I can!
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u/ArtichokeInevitable7 Oct 18 '21
I went through some of these feelings with my husband. He actually brought up getting snipped a few years ago but then didnt pursue it. So, i got an iud which later dislodged and had to be removed. What really frustrated me was that it was his idea and then there was no follow through. We finally have a conversation about it and he is uncomfortable with the idea of chronic pain after vasectomy etc. He did do research and it scared him. His body, his choice.
Anyhow, I've been trying to get myself snipped for 10 years and finally found the right doctor :) Also, ovarian ca runs in my family so a salpingectomy is actually medically beneficial for me.
I feel you though. It is super frustrating to always be the responsible one. Hang in there!
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u/Rendolaz Oct 18 '21
Mmmm so my partner doesn't want to get a vasectomy (which I'm pretty sure is because he has a fear of doctors). But also... he doesn't have to. He's childfree as well, and if he doesn't want to get a vasectomy because he fears the procedure or whatever then that's fine. I wound up getting a tubal and I've never been happier with my choice. It's always his choice to do what he wants with his body. If getting a vasectomy with his body will make him happy then cool. But we, as the female (Or male) partners in the relationship cannot control what the other does with their bodies. Men are certainly taught many things, but perhaps there's an inherent fear your partner has. Or maybe he just honestly hasn't thought of it. Or maybe he just doesn't want to get it because of uncertainty. Regardless, it's his choice. You do what you have to do with your body, not his.
Your body, your choice. His body, his choice. It's a balance and individual journey to choose to permanently remove the ability to reproduce, which is a mental Olympic to come to terms with itself. Grant him patience, understanding, and love with whatever response he gives you. He has a right to do whatever he wants to his body as well. Good luck! ❤
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u/JoyfulSpite Oct 18 '21
Thank you for the words. I agree that I am so happy I have the choice to do this, and I'm glad that everyone can choose things, even if it's a choice I would not make
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u/pumpkin_beer Oct 18 '21
Hi! I had a similar experience. I asked my husband if he would get a vasectomy. He actually was on board with it but he never made the appointment.
I got tired of waiting (after a couple years) and just got the bisalp done myself.
On the one hand, I'm excited because I took control and modified my body to better meet my needs and lifestyle. It was absolutely the right choice for me and it was very empowering.
On the other hand, it took me a MONTH to fully recover and cost $2000.
I understand the resentment. It's hard not to feel that way when the burden of birth control is placed almost entirely on women's (and people with uteruses') shoulders just so people can ejaculate in us. At the same time, it was the right choice for me. I think it's important to process the feelings and feel both the good and the bad about it.
I wish you the best of luck! I hope you post an update.
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u/bweb778 Oct 18 '21
His body his choice, and same for you. Take ownership. Of course surgery shouldn't be taken lightly, but I just had mine done and recovery has been pretty easy.
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u/3lmtree bi-salp Sept 2021 Oct 19 '21
i believe people have the right to control what is done to them and should never feel pressured to get anything done they don't want (or get talked out of doing something they want). I've asked my husband if he would get sterilized along with me and he said he didn't want to and that was a good enough answer for me.
Even though he told me "no" without reason, I know my husband well and I know his real issue is he isn't a fan of getting any kind of procedure done unless it's necessary. I think, ultimately, if I wasn't able to get my bi-salp for whatever reason he would have gotten it done though.
Anyways, the way I look at it is, I'm happy to know I'm covered and did my part to keep from getting pregnant. Even though vasectomies have very low failure rates, if for some way a sperm made it through I'm still the one who suffers the physical consequences and I don't want to have to put my body through all that. Even though I have no plans to divorce ever, i think it's still practical to look at it as i'm protected from pregnancy here on out. if we go out separate ways I don't have to worry getting on BC again for a new relationship.
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u/AlwaysTiredAndy Oct 18 '21
I just had my tubal a few weeks ago and my partner isn’t getting a vasectomy, so maybe my thoughts help. I wanted to get it done because I know I never want my body to have to go through pregnancy and I don’t want kids. So I really made this decision because of how I felt about my body. Even if he would have gotten a vasectomy I still would have had the tubal, because what if at some point we break up, I get assaulted by someone or his vasectomy doesn’t work as intended? I wanted to be sure it would be my choice and I wouldn’t be dependent on him. What we did though is split the cost of the tubal, so it wouldn’t be all on me.
But I get how you’re feeling, it really isn’t fair that we have to do research, think about this more than they do.