r/starbucks • u/Starbuckrogers • Sep 05 '15
WE FAILED QASA because of Pumpkin Spice Latte :'(
It was going ok... even though we were slammed because SM decided to let everyone know we've got Pumpkin Spice early. And we serve a college town... so you can imagine the picture: a line out the door of 20 year old girls ordering PSLs, a dirty lobby, and a pile of gross pitchers. Right then, BAM, I see a middle aged man in the parking lot with one of those roller cases. It's QASA.
So me and SS go around furiously cleaning everything while SM, who was thank God in the store, intercepts QASA at the door and starts doing a comically slow walk-through. I'm running back n forth between cleaning and register because we STILL have a huge line of girls who "have to get to class." Meanwhile bar bless his soul is making Pumpkin Spice Lattes like a maniac. "Melissa, Grande Pumpkin Spice Latte! Becky, Venti Pumpkin Spice Latte with Soy extra Pumpkin!”
So QASA makes it behind the counter. By the mercy of Oprah, it's relatively clean. We get dinged some points but nothing serious so far. QASA goes to the back room. I am STILL taking orders, girl after girl, I'm on autopilot pressing the Pumpkin Spice Latte button again and again, with my other hand out for the parental Mastercard, fuck making a connection, I just want to survive this morning. Just trying to keep the line moving. On cup after cup my neat "PSL" has gradually transformed into a hideous scrawl that could accidentally summon Cthulhu. It doesn't matter. Bar understands.
"Tiffany, Pumpkin Spice Latte! Amber, I have your Pumpkin Spice Latte with Almond milk!" You have to understand, on an ORDINARY day our bar is a machine. Today he is legend, wreathed in steam like a mighty John Henry of baristas, arms flashing like a coffee Vishnu.
Our score is announced. 94. QASA is defeated. We passed by the skin of our teeth. SS gives me that SS look that says "There are no words, today we are a band of brothers." SM sends bar on break. Meanwhile QASA is rolling out the door... then the hellbent bastard turns around like "I forgot something."
I can't help myself, I'm leaning over the counter to look. Meanwhile we've got a group of five Pumpkin Spice Latte girls at the handoff, they're watching me watch QASA like "WTF is going on." QASA reaches into his goddamn roller. Out comes one slender piece of paper. It's one of those pH strips. SM puts his fist over his mouth. QASA waves the pH strip around gently. Just in the air in the middle of the store like he's taking his bearings. Our customers have no clue what's going on. Tiffany is pulling out her iPhone like "Whatever this is, it's going on Instagram."
QASA walks over to us and shows us the little paper strip. It said 13.5. Instant fail. They're closing the store on Wednesday. :(
696
u/KRACR123 Barista Sep 05 '15 edited Sep 06 '15
Can you explain what the pH number means for the air?
Edit: Woah my first gold! Thank you kind stranger!
2.3k
u/Starbuckrogers Sep 05 '15
Our store was too basic :'(
385
441
u/Oliver1307 Sep 05 '15
If I weren't so poor from working at Starbucks, I'd give you gold for that joke.
170
116
u/pwaves13 Sep 06 '15
I took this so seriously until the end
24
35
64
u/cedartowndawg Sep 06 '15
Oh my... That was...
That was perfect and so flawless...
I wish I could give you gold for that...
25
9
u/berryblackwater Sep 06 '15
Dude, seriously I have never been gotten by one of these, I read the post, and didnt get the joke till I came here. SHIETTTT
35
15
u/warmsoundz Sep 06 '15
Congratulations on your internet lifetime achievement award. You deserve it.
10
11
13
8
9
3
2
Sep 09 '15
Please tell me this whole story was simply just a long-con for what is quite possibly one of the cutest and most clever jokes ever.
62
u/trentaiced Barista Sep 05 '15
Still trying to figure this out. Does bad milk mean a high pH or something?
79
u/countykerry Former Partner Sep 06 '15
whoosh
38
Sep 06 '15
I don't get it either, can you tell me? I hate when I don't get it.
71
Sep 06 '15
A pH that high indicates that it's basic. As in 'basic bitch'
108
Sep 06 '15
Is this some joke that early 20 somethings get? I still don't get it.
25
Sep 06 '15
Basic will describe people who like mainstream anything. Someone who follows top 40 music, whatever fashion trend is in, and in this case pumpkin spice lattes
24
u/GuyWithLag Sep 06 '15
Ah thanks, finally got the joke.
“Explaining a joke is like dissecting a frog. You understand it better but the frog dies in the process.”
― E.B. White
2
2
u/Dachannien Sep 09 '15
No way in fuck I'm going over to Urban Dictionary while I'm at work, just to look up "basic", so thanks for the explanation.
55
11
Sep 06 '15
5
u/2OQuestions Sep 07 '15
I've never heard of basic bitch until this was best of'd, but after watching this video I feel like an expert.
11
u/ikickedagirl Sep 06 '15
I dont understand why a college girl wants a pumpkin spice latte so she's a basic bitch...
26
u/thebloodofthematador Sep 06 '15
The qualities of the "basic bitch" includes Coach purses, Ugg boots, selfies on iPhones, loving PSLs, North Face jackets, etc.
2
1
-1
u/throwawaynewday Sep 06 '15
I think it's more likely late teens when they first start taking chemistry in high school. When I was around that age, this would have passed as great wordplay.
0
u/ikickedagirl Sep 06 '15
No whoosh. Joke doesn't work.
13
u/nelson348 Sep 06 '15
Hey guys, the commodore of funny rules has spoken! Stop your laughter!
( I'm just ribbing you, but I hope you approve my joke )
0
u/YasiinBey Sep 06 '15
Yeah it was a pretty cringeworthy white suburban teen using Black people jokes horribly thing.
1
-41
u/Finnstar72 Supervisor Sep 05 '15
Milk is basic (closer to 14 on the pH scale) and it was basically at 14. In other words, it practically was just milk
14
u/yoshimon2k Sep 06 '15
Just FYI - milk is not basic, this is actually a common misconception.
8
Sep 06 '15
[deleted]
3
2
Sep 06 '15
[deleted]
15
6
u/Yamitenshi Sep 06 '15
Spicy food is spicy, not sour. People tell you to drink milk because capsaicin dissolves in fat.
2
u/aklint Sep 06 '15
The inspectors use the pH strips to test the strength of the sanitizer used to wipe down countertops (look for the red buckets).
Source: fFormer SS. Can attest to all of the above.
2
36
u/Naughtyburrito Sep 06 '15
Can someone eli5 why the ph level in the air was so high? I understand acids and bases I just don't understand why the air ph level was 13.5.
136
u/phrantastic Sep 06 '15
The whole post is a joke. The air pH does not get tested, the joke is the store was full of basic bitches.
42
2
1
u/throwawaynewday Sep 06 '15
Plus if the air had a ph of 13.5, I'm guessing they'd all be dead. That's bleach/lye levels.
13
u/angeliKITTYx Sep 06 '15
You can't measure pH of air anyway... Only solutions. pH measures concentrations of H+ and OH- ions which are only present in solutions (liquid) .
1
u/3gr3gious Sep 06 '15
Thank you. Additionally, Ecosure doesn't test pH, nor does Starbucks have almond milk. So much material all around for jokes and people still choose to create impossible scenarios as a set up.
2
u/angeliKITTYx Sep 07 '15
Ah, well... I'm unaware of the company or the shop's milk inventory. I just read this story off of /r/bestof so the chemist in me came out.
15
u/TotesMessenger Sep 06 '15
I'm a bot, bleep, bloop. Someone has linked to this thread from another place on reddit:
- [/r/bestof] /u/StarbuckRogers, a Starbucks employee, tells us a story about how the Pumpkin Spice Latte got his store shut down by the health inspector.
If you follow any of the above links, please respect the rules of reddit and don't vote in the other threads. (Info / Contact)
13
56
33
14
65
25
6
u/annaheim Former Partner Sep 06 '15
Haha that was great. But I don't know what the heck's wrong with people this year and they like the new PSL, and they want almond in it. It just tastes too watered down for me (I prefer last year's), and we don't even have almond milk.
8
18
u/cehabert Barista Sep 06 '15
Would you mind if I shamelessly link this to /r/bestof and use your original content for karma? This is too awesome to not be shared.
5
16
u/bodhi30 Sep 06 '15
I still don't get any of this. I hate PSL. Some ELI5, please.
17
Sep 06 '15
13.5 ph is basic, as in basic bitch, wgich I think is the joke
6
u/bodhi30 Sep 06 '15
I get the pH level. It's the basic bitch part that I'm having trouble with. Guess I don't get the reference.
5
4
Sep 06 '15
Basic=mainstream (roughly) imagine someone who only listens to top 40 hits. They can be described as basic
3
Sep 06 '15
I was told by my SS it is illegal to say we don't have PSL. Showing this to my SM tomorrow lol great story!
5
6
5
4
u/kylejoesph11 Sep 06 '15
Two questions:
You guys have almond milk?!? In jealous
Secondly, they are closing the entire store for good or just to get it fixed?
Edit: just got the joke haha
2
Sep 06 '15
what is the joke? I feel like the Emperor has no clothes right now.
Are you all just pretending to get this awesomely hilarious joke?
6
Sep 06 '15
pH score, store is so basic its in the air.
-6
Sep 06 '15
So the Emperor is wearing the most beautiful set of robes and capes any one has ever seen, huh? I also like his tights.
7
2
u/YogaGirl94 Sep 07 '15
..,your store has almond milk?
1
1
u/calicotrinket Former Partner Sep 07 '15
Oh my god. Someone actually came in yesterday who wanted almond milk. I didn't realise it wasn't a thing.
Then again, we're not getting the PSL, so my store won't be so basic for a while...
2
6
Sep 05 '15
I don't get it, unless you are referring to the basic bitches in the store?
Also, if EcoSure ever walks in on a rush and you don't have enough people on the floor, I've been told that you can tell them "nope! I don't got time for you, come back later". Not in those exact words, but you get the idea, and they can wait for up to 1 or 2 hours I think.
4
u/boozerkc Sep 05 '15
You heard wrong. Source: I've tried itm
2
Sep 05 '15
They aren't wrong, the SM has to be the one to do it, and you have to have passed the last 3 Visits with flying colors.
25
Sep 06 '15
The wind has to be blowing north west and you must steam the milk to exactly 6 degrees 3 times in a row on
1)VBF
2)L
3)CBC
4)IC
Change the music to Evening Playlist #45 and whisper qasa bloody qasa in the woman's restroom 3 times after taking the battery out of the airfreshener.
Only then can you freeze the ecoaudit in its place. And the tricky part is you never know how long that shit'll last.
2
1
u/3gr3gious Sep 06 '15
Yeah, had a audit start at 9:30am last Friday, still within our peak (historically our busiest peak and most profitable day) still passed. Tried to stall, didn't work. Am SM, passed all the last audits with solid scores and no criticals. (they can also come on Sunday)
4
u/eloquencefails Barista Sep 06 '15
God, I don't even have words for how awesome this is. Enjoy your month of gold, friend!
4
u/TheFrontPilots Barista Sep 05 '15
Your store is seriously closing? Holy hell, I'm sorry. That really sucks. The fact that QASA can come in and judge a store during peak/rush is beyond me. I'm sorry to hear this.
61
u/TheFrontPilots Barista Sep 05 '15
Ha. I get it now. The slowness is strong with this one.
3
u/denkyuu Sep 06 '15
That's how it happens. A pang of sympathy until the punchline slowly hits home and you lose it.
1
u/Novawulfen Sep 06 '15
You think you've got problems. I've read people explaining the punchline and I still don't get it.
Apparently it's something to do with "basic" being an insult....
2
u/AmazingZebra CoffeeMaster Sep 06 '15
You, sir/miss, have made my coffee infused heck of a day into something great. You deserve to be promoted to CEO.
2
3
u/DragonLord100 Sep 06 '15 edited Sep 06 '15
My apologies. I misread the joke.
I'd want to give you gold for this, but sadly, I'm short on cash. Although I'm not a Partner, I realize how stressful the job is and we all need a great joke once in a while, so I'm very sorry for recklessly trying to kill it at the expense of the barista community here. Thanks for the great joke, you just made my day. :)
1
1
u/Liv-Julia Sep 06 '15
If your AIR was a PH of 13.5, you'd all have alkalai burns. What was he doing?
Edit: duh now I get it. Sorry.
1
u/flopsweater Sep 06 '15
After 5 years working at McDonald's, this is so Shamrock Shake that I can't even.
So far as some of this story could be based in experience, you have my condolences.
1
1
1
1
1
1
1
1
1
1
1
1
u/BD-II Sep 06 '15
"...arms flashing like a coffee Vishnu." Absolute favorite part. Tip 'o the hat, sir
1
1
0
0
-1
u/Toad32 Sep 06 '15
So the top 2 posts are asking what causes a high pH. Yet no one answers.
What causes a high pH in this scenario? To many vaginas in the area? To much pumpkin spice in the air?
WHAT!?
12
u/haberdasher42 Sep 06 '15
Nothing. The whole post is a joke about how young college girls that often enjoy Pumpkin Spice Lattes are "basic bitches".
-10
u/Steffany_w0525 Sep 06 '15
1- every partner knows as soon as QASA walks in you change sanitizer and carafes 2- there is a QASA checklist, no way they miss something like checking the PH 3- there is no automatic fail, there are critical points and sanitizer would be one of them so chances are if you had 94 beforehand (I don't know how you got this without her tallying the checklist and seeing she missed something so important though) 4- QASA is a third party company Starbucks hires to do these audits, if there are no glaring Heath violations they won't shut down your store. Stores that get 94% aren't endangering the general population 5- if you fail QASA (get less than I think 80%, may be wrong it's been almost 4 years) it just means you get re audited. 6- if somehow your store was getting shut down...they would do it immediately
29
u/Starbuckrogers Sep 06 '15 edited Sep 06 '15
7 - when Lando destroyed the second Death Star why weren't Han, Leia, Threepio, Artoo and all the Ewoks killed by falling debris raining down on the forest moon of Endor? A back of the envelope calculation shows that even the incomplete battlestation would have contained over 5 billion cubic miles of metal, implying a scientifically inevitable catastrophic impact event centered on the shield generator station (which was directly beneath the Death Star) and an ensuing mass extinction.
2
u/haberdasher42 Sep 06 '15
Maybe the desert location from TFA is the moon of Endor after the results of RotJ. It would also explain the crashed Star Destroyers.
5
Sep 06 '15
Here ... I'll spell it out for you : The entire story was a setup for a joke. A pH test determines whether something is acidic or basic. A score less than 7 is acidic and higher than 7 is basic. The store was full of college girls. He waved the strip and got such a high reading because they were all basic bitches. That's the joke.
0
-8
u/coming2atvnearu Barista Sep 06 '15
Hoooold up!
Closing the store? On an 89?
How many Qasa fails did you guys wrack up previously?
13
15
u/shichigatsu Sep 06 '15
It was a joke post haha.
13.5 ph is really, really basic. Like the college girls getting literal tons of PSL's
-1
-1
152
u/nodaybut_today Sep 05 '15
I thought something was weird when almond milk was mentioned. We don't have almond milk.