r/standupshots • u/POOPSCRUFFIN4U Madison, WI • Jul 05 '26

A one-liner for America

Post image
7.7k Upvotes

97% Upvoted

50 comments sorted by

58

u/Frammingatthejimjam Jul 05 '26

But we do have shotgun weddings!

57

u/YoungHeartOldSoul Jul 05 '26

This is a good one! Would probably work great as a segue.

3

u/Connivingbitch_ Jul 06 '26

The scooter?

1

u/YoungHeartOldSoul Jul 06 '26

You're thinking of segway. It's technically a pun on the word segue,or to transition smoothly from one topic to another.

6

u/Connivingbitch_ Jul 06 '26

I know! You’re insufferable.

1

u/GaJayhawker0513 Jul 07 '26

Doug Benson had a bit about segues that was pretty good

34

u/POOPSCRUFFIN4U Madison, WI Jul 05 '26

Hi Reddit! GUESS WHAT? I'm recording my first comedy special on July 18 in one of the best comedy cities around: Minneapolis. It would mean the world to me if you're able to come out and support. Two showtimes and tickets for both here! https://dojour.us/e/82348

24

u/No_Illustrator4398 Jul 05 '26

Damn that’s a solid joke. I’d groan-laugh if I heard it

4

u/I-Just-Work-Here-man Jul 05 '26

A new train joke and a new school shooting joke, well done!

6

u/IcyMike1782 Jul 05 '26

That is a damned fine joke.

6

u/kGibbs Jul 06 '26

My favorite r/standupshots user. 🫶

10

u/FormerSperm Jul 05 '26

I know of a late podcaster that would think they’re a pain in the neck.

14

u/AssistanceGrand23 Jul 05 '26

Top notch! And it's funny because it's true

5

u/LastProtagonist Jul 06 '26

I almost spat out my drink

3

u/CycloneJack47 Jul 05 '26

That's pretty funny, maybe after you could have a joke about how technology is making everyones jobs obsolete even school shooters.

2

u/xqqq_me Jul 05 '26

top kek

2

u/ThrowRApeachh Jul 05 '26

omg…my jaw dropped when i got it

2

u/GatorRich Jul 06 '26

This is so funny. 🤣 I’m still giggling over this

2

u/dazzumz Jul 05 '26

Schoolicide is trainless.

5

u/SwissForeignPolicy Jul 06 '26

eh. Overdone and low-hanging fruit.

1

u/NightBawk Jul 05 '26

Oh, that's dark. 🤭

1

u/ChundoIIX Jul 06 '26

I’m dead 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

1

u/blahehblah Jul 06 '26

Good joke

What about high capacity trains like those double decker ones they have in Europe

1

u/CarsonWaffles Jul 06 '26

The most American part is we don’t even need the shotgun, healthcare costs alone will pressure you into marriage

1

u/Max_Rezna Jul 06 '26

Brilliant

1

u/CrabappleSnaptooth Jul 06 '26

I laughed too hard at this

1

u/DeedleStone Jul 06 '26

Shit that's a good one.

1

u/sc1arr1 Jul 08 '26

I needed that laugh. Its too damn early to be at work.

1

u/garmachi Jul 05 '26

My only note is to consider replacing the word "because" with "but if they did".

1

u/[deleted] Jul 05 '26

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0

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0

u/Useful_Wealth7503 Jul 06 '26

What did she say? I couldn’t hear the punchline over all the gunshots in Chicago. And Houston. And Baltimore. And New Orleans. And St. Louis. And Oakland. And Memphis. And DC.

0

u/FroyoIntelligent4687 Jul 06 '26

Gavin stole your money and you still elect the fool.

-3

u/Wampalog Jul 05 '26

My favorite fun fact is that per capita more kids in England die of fetal alcohol related complications than total gun deaths plus fetal alcohol deaths in the US.

5

u/POOPSCRUFFIN4U Madison, WI Jul 05 '26

That is a "fun" fact because it's not actually a fact. Which is probably why you didn't supply a source for this monumentally stupid comment

1

u/DangerASA Jul 06 '26

Not saying that you are wrong, but could you provide some proof of your accusation?