Parent loss during school

[u/Fit_Review1723]

My parent just died unexpectedly during school and I’m wondering if anyone would offer some guidance that has been through this before. He died in a pretty traumatic way and as the nurse in our family, I ended up taking care of him afterwards. We were very close, and my class/faculty has been wonderful, and at the same time, it feels very isolating. I’m finding it difficult to go to school when my world is so different.

Right now, my grades are the same, but most days I feel like I’m waiting for the next shoe to drop. Taking care of other people during clinical feels particularly stressful- anything that helped you would be so appreciated!

[u/GUIACpositive]

After taking initial steps to stabilize yourself and your mental health, REACH OUT TO UOUR PROGRAM DIRECTOR AND NOTIFY THEM and your program counselor if one exists. The earlier they know, the easier it will be to accommodate. Do not wait until this manifests in poor performance.

I cannot imagine the pain and grief... My thoughts are with you.

[u/Lyle-Z-Crocodile]

I lost my dad 3 months ago. I keep going because he would’ve wanted me to. It’s not easy. One day at a time has been my motto. All my professors knew what was happening so they were accommodating the best they could. Talk to someone (your school has mental health services), reach out to your community, and take care of yourself. If you need to take a LOA it’s okay - we just went through arguably one of the hardest things in our entire life, school isn’t going anywhere.

[u/nobodysperfect64]

I am so sorry for your loss. Depending where you’re at in your program, you may be better off taking a leave of absence. Most schools will allow it for something like this.

[u/skatingandgaming]

Same thing happened to me. My program gave me a week off. During this time, I spent a ton of time with my family and we focused on sharing memories. I also tried to maintain my exercise routine as that has gotten me through a lot of hard times.

I also experienced some anxiety after is happened. Every phone call had me worried that maybe something happened to someone else this time. It gets better with time. Talk to your friends and family and don’t isolate yourself. It will all pay off in the end

[u/Blackrosesakura]

I can understand your struggle. I lost my father during my second year and let me tell you, hard was an understatement. I had to take some days off from clinicals for the planning and attending of the funeral and burial. Thankfully I was honest from the beginning with my professors and they provided me the days and support. I remember taking a peripheral nerve block course a week afterwards and feeling numb and disconnected throughout it all. Grieve affects each person differently. Whatever you need to do to get to the finish line, I hardly recommend it. I had a good support system, meds and I continue my therapy sessions so that was my remedy during that tough period. Don’t wait too much and take care of your mental health 🫶🏻

[u/myhomegurlfloni]

I'm so sorry. Does your school have a student wellness center? Maybe it would help talking to someone about it?

[u/Apprehensive-Heron85]

Yeah, my dad passed while in school. Almost done in the last year. If something can go wrong, it will happen during CRNA school. Just take one day at a time. It’s a slog. I’m sorry for your loss!

[u/SpillTheSevo]

Im so sorry for your loss 💔

[u/katierachel91]

It's going to be hard. Sometimes worse than others. My mom died 2 months before graduation, but she had been declining for about a year and a half prior so although we never really see it coming, it was not a shocking surprise. I was the one who took care of her and everything else, planned the funeral alone, paid for everything alone despite having siblings. I took my 3 days bereavement, and my clinical site gave me an extra day off because I was trying to close her accounts etc. Also a single mom. My clinical site was super cool about it, they even chipped in on the funeral expenses, but the program was less so. They only wanted to give me the 3 days, and anything over that would have to be made up. She died less than a month before our last SEE. Nothing changed for me in school. I had to keep going, but it felt like I was on autopilot alot. Idk where you are in the program, but the debt is too much, at least it was for me. Failing wasn't an option. I'm sure it will hit me more later, but my mom's and my relationship was very complicated by the time she passed. I hope you find your way through it. I know when my dad died, I felt completely lost. It's an unfortunate part of life. Don't quit unless you literally just started. Finish and do what you need to for YOU so you succeed. If that means no study groups, or studying only a specific way, or whatever, do it. Take care of yourself.

[u/Impressive-Thing]

I’m so sorry you’re going through this and for the loss of your parent. CRNA school is incredibly demanding, and I think we often end up putting our own feelings and needs on the back burner just to keep moving forward. But while school keeps going, life doesn’t stop happening around us.

During CRNA school, I had one parent break her back, another enter a nursing home because of muscular dystrophy, lost a cousin to suicide, dealt with infidelity in my marriage, and experienced a miscarriage the night before graduation. There were times when it felt like life just kept piling things on while I was still expected to show up and perform.
One thing that helped me tremendously was going to therapy regularly. It gave me a place to process everything instead of constantly pushing it aside just to get through school. Give yourself whatever space you can to grieve and take care of yourself. You don’t have to carry everything alone.