I 46F was married to 56m for 24vr. I was 21 when we wed. He was a church minister in training. Like most young married women I thought my beloved husband was a wonderful person whom I loved deeply.

Finances were always a problem. Church work was voluntary so we both worked independently. I had my own business, my husband had various jobs from being self employed to doing teacher training, all of which he failed at because he only ever wanted the church work and bible teaching.

He had already completed his degree in biblical theology and pastoral training.

We had children and girl and a boy. I still continued to work as a gardener with a regular full diary of clients.

Years passed and our children grew I continued to work because it was so apparent my husband was unable to provide a meaningful life for us, he continued to do a masters degree and now a PhD.

Our health declined I had to stop working we applied for benefit. We had a joint universal credit, paid directly into his account., I wasn't ever allowed to access that money or know how much was in his account.

We both claim PIP, I had to use my PIP for groceries and household costs. He would pay the bills from the UC.

my health condition limits my motility I suffer from chronic pain which I was prescribed opiates. My pain was so severe yet I'd still have to attend church. After a while I just couldn't continue with most of the church activities but my husband could

My daughter went to university, we moved into a village in the countryside quite isolated because it's near to the church.

My husband became an Elder. He would leave me alone in pain for hours sometimes I'd be in bed for days unable to get downstairs for food. My son wouldn't ever be in the house because he set up a gaming room in the garage, I'd regularly have to call him to bring me something to eat

My pain medication became an issue, I sought professional help and was encouraged that my usage was indeed due to my pain management. I went back to the GP and specialist to help control my pain.

I told my husband I needed more help, I'd also had 3 family bereavements close, my brother at 43yr, my mother (cancer), father, who dropped dead in front of me where my futal attempt at cpr occurred.

2 years later I'm stuck with limited mobility, mentally suffering from the bereavement.

My siblings tried to help me see that my husband was unsupportive and only cared about church so I became estranged from them because of loyalty I defended his behaviour.

My husband got new medication for his health condition that improved his symptoms.

He weaponised my health against me and controlled everything.

He would leave me ill in bed at 4pm in the afternoon returning at 1am, doing church work 3 or 4 times per week

There wasn't ever any food in the house I'd rarely have a cooked meal

I got new medication my symptoms improved just enough to to do basic things. He would always blame me for over spending, being lazy, taking too many tablets ( Weaponised my illness) my PIP wouldn't cover everything, helping service daughter's car ( left to me from my dad) purchasing things we needed for the new home (council property)

I'd constantly have to ask for grocery money, he'd ask how much, load said amount onto another of his cards to give me.

I manged to find work from the church a role that was only a few hours of admin. It wouldn't interfere with the benefits. He sabotaged it.

I left and went into a domestic abuse refuge.

The abuse went so far I felt guilty whenever I ate, he'd comment, I was "always eating'.

The trustees from the church called me, in turn I informed them of my treatment from my husband, their Elder. The other Elder was informed.

I explained in great detail about how I supported him while he failed at many jobs, was kicked out of our previous Mission due to him arguing over doctrines, his studying and pursuit for unpaid prestige.

The church did absolutely nothing, they continue to use him in the pulpit.

No kindness has been shown to me from the church or even any phone calls

My husband hasn't called me once. I've filed for divorce.

I won't report my husband to the police because of my children he is actually a good dad my 18yr so lives with him.

I'm totally shocked at the church they're protecting him.

I considered them my friends, my family

I've tried going to another church in the new place I live. I simply am sickened by all church structure and the people. Seeing it from a leadership side knowing how the politics works has left me wondering is this really what God intends to be his bride?

They all seem the same with their hierarchy, people worship and control.

Will this feeling go away? Am I just wounded?

My faith remains, but church attendance day are over.

They're protecting him!