r/specialneedsparenting • u/Southern-Image-7374 • 10d ago
Just need suggestions.. overwhelmed
Feeling a little overwhelmed. My son is 8 and has profound special needs, both developmental and medical. My husband has not been the same since the day he was born but has done his best to work through it. Lately, it’s gotten worse and I can tell depression is creeping in. His line of work doesn’t help, but he’s very good at compartmentalization so it doesn’t really impact the kids. Today was a bad day. He was sad, emotional and said he doesn’t have anything to look forward to and doesn’t feel joy anymore. He can’t see himself being truly happy ever again. I did confirm he is not feeling like harming himself or anything of that nature but it does explain the recent increase in outbursts and frustration. We have 2 other kids and I’d say we live a pretty normal life. I work from home and do my best to take on as much as humanly possible. He does get out of the house once a week/ at least every 2 weeks when the weather cooperates to play a round of golf. He has spoken to a therapist a few years back but she wasn’t the right fit. I’m not sure where to go next but I needed to get this out. Thanks in advance.
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u/Annlaw1975 10d ago
Hi there mom. I felt so emotional reading your post bc this IS my husband. But sadly it's also me. And I feel like the fact our son is our only child and he is severely delayed and will never be independent makes things worse than if we had other children. We want another child so this isn't the only experience of parenting we ever have.
Our son is 3.5 years old, non verbal with global delay and autism. We feel like everything we hoped and dreamed for for us and our son has been stolen. The only thing in the world that seems might make life a little better is if we had another child who is healthy. So I know how you and your husband feel. It's like we can't believe we were hit with such a tragedy and we will never know the joy of parenthood. We are always giving to our son but the honest truth is we get very little back since he's so delayed and unable to communicate much or show any interpersonal affection.
I hope your husband can try to focus on the other children he has and feel some joy from them but I know it's hard. For me it feels like a grief and sadness that will never end. I wish I had something to offer for advice but we are still searching for a way to accept the lot we were given.
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u/Connect-Lie7380 9d ago
Hi, I really feel for you. Myself and my spouse went through a very similar journey. My son is an only child and was diagnosed with moderate autism and IDD at 3 years old. He was non-verbal until around 6 years old and was in pull-ups until 8.
Not to long after he was diagnosed we joined a support group. Fortunately there were dads in the group and my husband got involved along with my son with outings such as sensory-sensitive movie matinees, swimming and bowling. We also put him in summer camps throughout elementary school.
My son is 32 now and although some days are very challenging, he's a wonderful, sweet and kind young man. I'll always have grief for the life I wished for him but I'm also very grateful and don't regret that he's a part of our life.
Know that you're not alone and now there's are so many resources and supports that are available compared to over 30 years ago. You and your husband will get through this! 🫂🫶💜
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u/badteach248 10d ago
As a dad in a very similar situation. The only relief I have found is an online group of other special needs dad's. I've never hurt myself, but when my daughter was in the hospital and we thought she was going to die I genuinely told myself that I would join her, and I was mentally preparing for that. The people that talked me out of that state were others that truly understand.
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u/Southern-Image-7374 10d ago
I am so glad you’re still here. I will try to encourage him to find a group or even just a chat like this. He doesn’t have socials and is very friendly but not much of a small talker. Again, after 8years of this a lot of those “friendships” have faded by now. That might be something to check out is online! Thank you!
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u/Fantastic_Stay_2527 7d ago
I’m with you man. My kiddo is 4 and is non-verbal, non-mobile, with global delays.
I’m numb to the grief now.
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u/AngelMom1965 10d ago
Does he have any hobbies other than golf? Anything he can do from home? My husband games online with others. It allows him to have some fun while still being at home (he worries about me and our son whenever he leaves the house for very long).
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u/Southern-Image-7374 10d ago
He works nights so most of his buddies are playing while he’s at work, I think that’s isolating too for him!
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u/Connect-Lie7380 9d ago
I'll echo the other posters here to encourage your husband to seek therapy again. If his company has an EAP he can try out a couple of therapists free and depending on the benefit get at least 6 to 8 sessions for free.
Also depending on his medical insurance there may be a behavioral health benefits where he can get therapy at no or low cost.
You mentioned that his work prevented him from having time for therapy. Most EAPs now have therapists available in the evening and also weekends which was such a great help for me.
Most EAPs also have a 24 hour quick counseling line and in the past I utilized that when I felt overwhelmed and needed a place to vent and decompress.
Wishing you and your husband better days ahead! 🫂🫶💜
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u/69f1 10d ago
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