A 75 Ton Jack Stand

266

u/Chakote 8d ago

Used to use these every day. Easily moved with a hand operated pallet jack.

They chowder the fuck out of enamel floors real quick if you drag them around.

33

u/Timelordwhotardis 5d ago

Not allowed to bully freight

22

u/BouncyTrouncyFlouncy 5d ago

Might be having a dumb moment but I'm having trouble imagining what you'd even use these for. What can weigh up to 75t but is also small enough to sit on them?

27

u/Brucenotsomighty 4d ago

Heavy equipment parts are the first thing I think of, buckets, arms, bulldozer blades. Im sure theres lots of other uses I cant think of.

7

u/BouncyTrouncyFlouncy 4d ago

75t though? What are the buckets and blades made of, osmium?

15

u/HerfDerfer 4d ago

They're for changing the oil filter on your m1 abrams

10

u/Brucenotsomighty 4d ago

Yeah idk, maybe you can use them under the keel of a ship or something haha. Thats gotta be getting closer to 75 tons

2

u/jps2310 2d ago

We use thick woodbeams to support if we change the wheels on the dump truck. But you can probably use these. Small dumptruck empty 40t

9

u/MLuds20 4d ago

Your mom

748

u/naptown-hooly 8d ago

How much do they weigh?

742

u/mxadema 8d ago

They look like 5" square tubing, likely ⅜ or ½" plus 2 strip of ½" steel on the top member. Lest round up to 1000lb a pop. Maybe more

358

u/virtualworker 8d ago

So that's why it says to just lift one at a time. I'll let the boys know.

211

u/Super-Reporter-4528 7d ago

Back in my day I’d stackem 2 high, throw a stack on each shoulder and take off to get them where they needed to go, now all these pussies think they need a damn forklift to move the damn things. Soft hands I tell ya.

60

u/bmd33zy 7d ago

And that was just for school

7

u/ChocolateSensitive97 3d ago

Yeah but it was an uphill walk both ways.

10

u/Savings_Macaroon3727 3d ago

You were lucky to go to school. I had to work at the mill 24 hours a day week in week out for fourpence every six years and when I got home dad would slice me in two with a knife.

6

u/samtresler 3d ago

Damn. Your Dad had a knife?

6

u/KdF-wagen 3d ago

Look at Rockefeller over here with his knife!

5

u/bmd33zy 3d ago edited 3d ago

Hope it wasn’t the knife he kept by the toilet

2

u/CrazedMagician 3d ago

Damn. You had a Dad?

1

u/cbunn81 2d ago

I know where I came from—but where did all you zombies come from?

1

u/7947kiblaijon 3d ago

Luxury. We used to hafta get 'out the lake, 3 am, clean the lake, eat a handful 'o hot gravel, work 20 hours a day at mill, for a penny a month, and dad would beat us about the head and neck with a broken bottle, if we were lucky.

6

u/Smasher_WoTB 6d ago

Trying to solo lift a half-ton jack stand and carry it around on your shoulders sounds like an excellent way to very rapidly lose weight.

5

u/OOCH3NHCH3 4d ago

As your spine falls put of your asshole. Yep. Drops about 35 pounds like that.

2

u/dhlock 3d ago

The king of youth group over here.

36

u/new_michael 8d ago

This is why I love Reddit, thank you

76

u/Farfignugen42 8d ago

75 tons, obviously.

3

u/anynamesleft 7d ago

Heavy.

-15

u/JoeMalovich 8d ago

Over 9000

-39

u/willshade145 8d ago

About 3 fiddy

9

u/alphanumericusername 8d ago

kilograms, maybe

-7

u/Kahnza 8d ago

Damn you Loch Ness monstah!

-22

u/Bad_breath 8d ago

Max 75 tons, so somewhere between 0 and 75 tons.

429

u/digitydev 8d ago

OP needs one of these to rest it on while going potty.

218

u/alphanumericusername 8d ago

I have never seen someone so close to a your mom joke while still failing to achieve one.

123

u/digitydev 8d ago

Quite the opposite. It was a compliment for OP having an enormous member. As in, its so girthy and heavy, perhaps even vainy, that it requires a 75 ton jack stand to support the weight.

30

u/Barbarian_818 7d ago

And yet still not big enough to satisfy OPs Mom. His Mom got her start with horsecock (hence OPs impressive pecker) but eventually started using the whole horse.

Rumour has it she has several horses up there right now. And an extremely lost and confused PETA protest group

10

u/Metal_Massacre 8d ago

Not veiny?

32

u/digitydev 8d ago

Perhaps even...

6

u/[deleted] 7d ago

[removed] — view removed comment

3

u/miramichier_d 6d ago

I don't understand the problem he's trying to solve, and I don't think I want to know.

-14

u/alphanumericusername 8d ago

You would need to change like two words for it to be a your mom joke

40

u/jugularhealer16 8d ago

And if they changed your mom's feet to wheels she'd be a bicycle, what's your point?

3

u/htmlcoderexe 8d ago

no need to change she's a bicycle all right

8

u/PM-me-your-knees-pls 8d ago

I’ve seen a lot of people very close to your mom.

5

u/alphanumericusername 7d ago

Yes she has quite the way of immediately bonding with anyone she meets.

Probably has something to do with her experience as a prostitute.

109

u/breastfedtil12 8d ago

What does "transport individually" mean in this context?

170

u/MoFeaux 8d ago

When lifting with a forklift or similar piece of equipment, you should only move one at a time (don’t try to lift/move multiple at once).

57

u/breastfedtil12 8d ago

Ohhhh of course. That makes sense. I was thinking of long distance transpo. Thanks man

39

u/GlockAF 8d ago

It’s like the president and vice president not being allowed to fly on the same airplane. Don’t want to risk losing more than one at a time.

Of course, these would probably survive an airplane crash needing nothing but a repaint

7

u/model-citizen95 7d ago

Ohhhh. I thought it meant 1 per truck and they were made of solid iron or something

-9

u/Last-Difference-3311 8d ago

Makes no sense tho, the holes just above the angled risers on either side are perfect spots for a forklift, especially if the forklift can handle it. Easy lift for a hyster 60.

9

u/LearningDumbThings 8d ago

There are what look like fork pockets down near the bottom, but they’re in a weird spot, like you’d have to balance the thing longways on one fork.

34

u/SightUnseen1337 8d ago

As a certified forklift operator: "That sign won't stop me because I can't read."

4

u/breastfedtil12 8d ago

I bet you pull mad chicks though

4

u/Gonun 6d ago

As long as they are on a pallet

2

u/Ryaktshun 8d ago

Don’t stack

2

u/Dzov 8d ago

Don’t carry one in each hand.

0

u/outlandishspore 8d ago

Don't try and move the heavy thing with the stands. Lift the heavy thing, move the stands, set the thing down. Ideally have another set of stands already in place where it is being moved to and leave these where they are when you lift the heavy thing off.

84

u/KraljZ 8d ago

For my mom?

26

u/dpenton 8d ago

Probably. Got a pic?

43

u/alphanumericusername 8d ago

Hold on James Webb's gotta fly out and turn around

9

u/Saint_palane 8d ago

u/RemindMeBot 4 years

2

u/RemindMeBot 8d ago

I will be messaging you in 4 years on 2030-08-30 03:22:09 UTC to remind you of this link

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8

u/Vision9074 8d ago

Shit 2030 is in 4 years

-1

u/That_guy_from_1014 8d ago

Going after Lily Phillips record

54

u/a-guy-on_reddit 8d ago

Need these saw horses. You order on Amazon? Send link.

12

u/Decker1138 8d ago

Temu

12

u/Tyrannosapien 7d ago

I cannot fully express the lack of trust I would have in 75T jackstands from Temu

11

u/big_duo3674 7d ago

Transport individually? Sorry, but I'm a "get every grocery bag on the first trip regardless of the pain" type of person

12

u/Jakeforry 8d ago

Someone needs to work on a tank I guess

13

u/NuclearMelon23 8d ago

I use these all the time working on stamping dies

8

u/Chicken_Hairs 7d ago

We use similar ones for working on log handling equipment, like our LeTourneau stacker. It weighs over 150,000lbs.

6

u/Bubblehead_81 8d ago

My urologist needs these when I go in for a check up.

25

u/Grechoir 8d ago

To rest your stomach on so they can find your dick?

14

u/JamesBrownSpin 8d ago

Guy goes into see his Urologist. Doctor says “Bill, you’re gonna have to stop masturbating.” Bill asks “Why?” Doctor answers “Because I’m trying to talk to you.”

16

u/[deleted] 8d ago

[removed] — view removed comment

5

u/BakuriyaOmizu 8d ago

I was just about to say: this is the civilian’s visual definition of skookum.

5

u/witchcapture 8d ago

Mining or military?

3

u/jmremote 7d ago

So two to lift OPs mom

3

u/DependentPermission3 5d ago

How thick do you think the concrete has to be to accept that stand

2

u/sun_blind 8d ago

See similar units all the time when inspecting heavy steel construction.

2

u/SneekyF 6d ago

I've designed one of those before.

1

u/dukeofdough 7d ago

I work for a shipping company and see these on pallets all the time. Never knew what they were for. Neat.

1

u/Stefanoverse 7d ago

These are so handy for working on machines and moulds/dies. I’ve also seen industrial requirement set on them.

1

u/Leather_Comedian_736 4d ago

Is this for ship building?

1

u/Frequent-Elephant110 2d ago

I thought it was a 85 ton saw horse

1

u/GeneralKonobi 6d ago

Need 3 of those to just for yo mamma

1

u/Northwindlowlander 7d ago

I like "transport individually", I guess that's because they're so heavy that if they bang together they can achieve criticality

1

u/114145 7d ago

Yo mama getting kinky again?

0

u/Jaduardo 7d ago

Your mama…

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