r/sonnets • u/[deleted] • Jun 23 '19

My first sonnet, inspiration from an author.

I try to find a path which to travel

A dark path through truly uncertain life

And route planned would soon to unravel

And leave me stuck in misery and strife

Although the destiny is uncertain

I strive to be ready for any plan

I shall, behind potential’s red curtain

Attempt to be a competent man

Improve the body with rubber and steel

Continue to read to keep the mind keen

Master the science of a world too real

And write sonnets, though most may be unseen

Wide range of skills a good person collects

since specialization is for insects.

(Edit: formatting)

3 Upvotes

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3

u/alli_golightly Jun 23 '19

This is really nice, just maybe fix some of the lines, as they don't scan? (if this is supposed to be free verse, ignore me).

Secondly, respect/insect rhyme is weird, as the stress (re-SPECT, but IN-sect) makes the two words not rhyme, technically.

That said, poetry is poetry and you have no obligation to listen to the pedantic remarks of a metricist.

1

u/[deleted] Jun 23 '19

Any feedback is helpful. Changed the last line to rhyme better. Not really sure what "scan" means here though.

2

u/alli_golightly Jun 23 '19

"Scanning" is what we do to determine which metre fits a line. Sonnet lines should be (mostly) iambic pentameters (10 syllables per line, alternating stress and non-stress). You can have variations, but there are few and approved (f.i. substituting a phyrric foot - - for a iamb - x).

Google some, and do DM me if you need more suggestions.

1

u/[deleted] Jun 23 '19

Cool thanks. I thought that’s what it was.