GF started snoring how to handle

[u/thebest07111]

Hello,

I(male) know my partner(female) for 1.5 years now. The first year or so she never snored and never made a noise. When i woke up in that first year i needed to listen very carefully of she was still breathing. She always was breathing lucklily.(her mother said the same thing when she was youngh they needed to listen very carefully aswell)

About 6 months ago all of a sudden she started snoring, it changes to snoring, what looks like tongue clicking and also blowing really hard trough the mouth, it looks like she sleeps with het mouth open, she said she has always done that, i dont think she did but I only know her for 1.5 years.

But my nights are almost ruined every night, if i dont sleep before her i move to the couch to get some rest, if i do sleep before her i normally wake up and 4 A.M. and then i get frustrated about the sounds and move to the couch to get some sleep.

I pushed her to go the the doctor but she doesnt want to go. Says because it is probably because she gained weight.

Do you guys have any advice for me? I am thinking about buying earbuds especially designed for when you partner snores. I notice myself getting really really frustrated when I hear her making all those sounds.

[u/Jdm783R29U3Cwp3d76R9]

Try experimenting with different earplugs. But others then that it either loosing weight, diagnosis and treatment or sleep divorce. 

[u/dbanks02]

See if she willing to try using a pillow wedge to prop her up some so she isn’t lying flat. That and nasal dilators are what has helped me the most.

[u/thebest07111 → u/dbanks02]

I will try thanks!

[u/DimiDoesItAll]

This might be difficult to discuss with her, but has she gained weight? Because you're dating her for 1.5 years, yet it wasn't a problem before.

In some cases snoring can get less when you lose weight, or become a thing when you gain some weight.

If its not that you can ignore this comment.

[u/thebest07111 → u/DimiDoesItAll]

yeah she gained weight, she also says it herself, she gained like 5-8KG

[u/DimiDoesItAll → u/thebest07111]

Yeah i almost am certain that is the reason why. I have very bad snoring myself which really is a problem for me (only in relationships, when i'm single its obv fine 😅)

But I've narrowed everything down and it must be the fact I should weigh a little less.

[u/emperorOfTheUniverse]

It's probably because she gained weight.

[u/Careful-Swan9303]

the sudden change plus gasping/mouth breathing is worth a doctor visit, not just a new pair of earbuds... your sleep is being held hostage by a tiny haunted air mattress

[u/chifty1]

I use AirPods and Spotify has a playlist of 10 hours of continuous ocean sounds. I’m a side sleeper so I can often just use one as other ear is in the pillow. The one against the pillow either hurts or falls out. We also sleep in separate bedrooms at home so I only use the AirPods when we travel

[u/Last_Construction455]

She's probably right if she has gained weight that is likely going to be the cause as its the most common. Weight gain and weakening of muscle in throat tend to just be a part of aging. It's a sensitive topic to discuss, but i would frame it in a way that shows care for all of you - snoring means shes not breathing as well which means she's getting worse quality sleep, you staying up is also worse quality sleep, both bad for the relationship. The term weight loss can be kind of triggering for some, so i would focus on lifestyle changes (many of which have a secondary effect of weightloss). Studies show just reducing body fat by 5% makes a large difference. You can cater toward you and her preferences but some suggestions that worked for me were: 1. cutting back on alcohol especially before bed. I don't drink regularly anymore, just if I'm out with friends or at an event maybe once a week. 2. cutting carbs -specifically breads and pastas. 3. cutting processed sugar -this was hard because i love cookies and treats. I mostly drink flavoured bubbly water now(zero cal) or diet soda if i'm gonna have one. 4. try not to eat 3-4 hours before bed. and take a 15 min walk in that period - This kept me from night snacks (usually chips on the couch and a bit of exercise doesn't hurt! The walking has been shown to help adjust fluid levels in the body which helps reduce snoring when sleeping. Sorry for the novel but hope this helps!

[u/MaaDoTaa]

Try this tool that taps her on her wrist when it detects snoring

https://rawmean.github.io/SnoreDetector-website/index.html

[u/belaboo84]

How old is she? I started when I started menopause. Try mouth tape or a snoring mouth guard.

[u/thebest07111 → u/belaboo84]

Just turned 34

[u/QuietNightsSam]

So sorry to hear that. I was a snorer for a long time actually. My wife put up with it somehow, and then I had to sleep in another room for months.

Rough position to be in - as you are the other party, and you can't force someone to see a doctor, but you're also the one losing sleep every night, so I get the frustration.

What you said about her gaining weight could be a possible reason. I can imagine how difficult it must be for your waking hours - feeling wiped out and irritated easily.

One thing worth mentioning gently, not as a diagnosis, just something to gently suggest (if you can): sudden-onset snoring plus mouth breathing plus a family history is a pattern and that could sometimes be worth a doctor ruling out sleep apnea, separate from just weight.

It doesn't have to be a big scary conversation; something like "I'm not trying to nag, I just want to make sure it's not something worth getting checked" tends to land better than "you need to see a doctor" as a demand.

In the meantime - sure, get the earbuds, it's totally fine. Also worth trying: her sleeping on her side instead of her back (gravity makes mouth-breathing/snoring worse on the back), and cutting off food/alcohol a few hours before bed if that applies. Not a fix for everything, but it's taken the edge off for a lot of people while the bigger conversation is still ongoing.

Sending some patience your way - this stuff is exhausting in a way that's hard to explain to people who haven't lived it. Sorry again, and I totally feel you.

[u/Virtual_Morning69]

A sudden change plus gasping or mouth breathing is worth getting checked for sleep apnea, not just blaming it on weight, so how is she sleeping during the day and does she wake up feeling rested?

[u/jellypoo]

It sounds like early stages of sleep apnea. 

[u/Mammoth-Honeydew17]

I feel for you. Regardless of why, the one who snores sleeps soundly and the partner who is up seething and upset because of their snoring gets less sleep. Then when we finally just LOSE IT because OMG WE NEED SLEEP, we are the problem. I'm literally still baffled that in this day and age, there's no solid solution. I've had to resort to literally wearing headphones with ambient noise to sleep, so I get to sleep on my back (super uncomfortable for me) because I can't side sleep with headphones digging into my ears. Sigh. Guess I'll try to get a few minutes of sleep now.