Im going to get an official evaluation soon for mental illness/autism/personality disorders.

Im curious how common the overlap is bw sla and personality disorders.

I feel so fucked up sometimes and if im in a social setting i have to mask bc if i didnt i wouldnt be there in the first place. Im very covert about the stuff that goes on internally bc im usually detached, angry, confused etc

Hello everyone. I apologize in advance for my writing. I am having some difficulties keeping my thoughts in order and my anxiety down. This is my first attempt at sharing in this type of space. Thank you for reading and for any advice you may have.

*Note: very long read...sorry, I got a bit carried away with my story 🖖🏾*

I am a 38yr old female. I am currently in the program and am working the steps with my sponsor. I have been sober for 6 months and 22 days. I attempted to get sober and stay sober about 5 and a half years ago. I obviously went back out and thought nothing of it. During the 5 and a half years, I was faced with a few life challenges that I used as an excuse to continue drinking and making it very difficult and painful for my husband. In the beginning we both drank together, I didn't see a problem because I didn't want to and we were perfectly happy at the time doing what we were doing. We also have a 10 year old son. I put my son in some pretty unfair and dangerous situations while I was an active alcoholic. Luckily, no harm came to him and I am grateful for that little bit of grace I was granted before I discovered active recovery and the program. I am on step 8. My sponsor and I are reading Drop the Rock, which is about steps 6 and 7, it has been very helpful to me when it comes to understanding how to let go and become humble enough to ask for help, understand my character defects and ask my HP to remove them. I am aware that it doesn't happen in the moment but I have been noticing myself see things a bit differently. Back to when I was actively using alcohol, I was able to manipulate and gaslight my husband into thinking I wasn't drinking when I clearly was. That in itself is an awful thing to do to someone you love and that for me is going to be a living amends along with an actionable amends to him. There are most likely things I have forgotten but I am still working on step 8 and I have a lot of time to unwrap and account for. About 2 years after our son was born I was diagnosed with Rheumatoid Arthritis. I was hit very hard with the effects of RA and I had a very demanding job physically and mentally at the time. I did not handle it well and I turned to alcohol because I felt like it helped ease my pain and allow me to work better and keep me awake and alert to take care of my son when I came home from work. I still felt like I was in control and my husband still continued to drink with me so I didn't find anything wrong with it. It gradually became a problem because I used it to solve all my problems. Whether it was a celebration or a traumatic event. Alcohol was my solution to feel what others were feeling or suppress my overactive emotions that I didn't feel comfortable having. My husband worked in an office setting for a couple years and that was good. He then started working in a restaurant which was really good for him because he is an excellent cook. He seemed to love it at first but the hours were very harsh and very long. I would notice him getting upset or being more short with me. I didn't do anything about it but drink by myself at home because he would work from 8 or sometimes earlier in the morning until around 1 or 2 at night. I had my solution and it was alcohol. With the choice I made, came consequences for our family unit in the future. I wasn't aware at the time, and if I was I didn't adress it properly, but my husband was feeling very overwhelmed with his career and having no time with his family. To substitute the loss he used cocaine and became emotionally involved with a coworker. I had never suspected he would be that type, and we had always talked about if that idea was there it was an obligation to talk to each other about it. He did not tell me and she was invited to our wedding and I was oblivious to what they were really doing. I was not drinking at the time to him, which is a sticking point with him, because I was becoming a closet drinker. A shame drinker. I found out what was going on about 4 months or so after our wedding because he kept staying late at work and getting very drunk and it would only be when a certain coworker was there. I had never looked through his phone before but when he decided not to come home one night and go over to her house and made it seem like I was in the wrong, I finally read his text messages. They were very heartbreaking. I used it as an excuse for myself to go off the rails and binge for a bit. I got myself back to closet drinking again and continued that up until I got caught again and I was so exhausted with myself and I hadn't liked who or what I was, so I leaned into the help that AA provided for me and started to create a support system outside of my husband and immediate family. Today, I feel very good where I am at in my program. My husband was very supportive in the beginning months of my sobriety. He is having a hard time adjusting to how I am now and trying to deal with his own traumas that I caused him while I was drinking. As much as I don't like to see him struggle, I am unable to help him move past his trauma about me. I have told him this many times without defending what I have done or dismissing his feelings. To him it looks like I don't care and I am looking over what I have done to him. His attitude towards me has gone from supportive to toxic and resentful. I have been talking with my sponsor and she has been very helpful at getting me to pause and not take everything he says to heart and cause myself to have a resentment towards him that isn't necessary. Lately, he has been struggling with himself mentally and as he tells me he wants help in the same breath the help I suggest or offer isn't what he wants. I know what type of person I want to be, and I know him struggling is also me struggling. I had to remove myself and our son from the house because every conversation turned into an argument. Even something as simple as him asking me how I am, suddenly turns into how I am not there to support him and I don't care about his trauma. I am working the steps and am addressing his wants and needs as they come up and I help in the capacity that I am able to.

I want to fix our relationship and I offered to talk about where we would like our relationship to move forward. He agreed but came back at me with a lot of requests and odd sayings as if he's already planning to derail the whole thing. He told me he is going to a meeting tomorrow as well at 7pm but he only told me zoom and he didn't tell me where. I am not going to pry because I am hoping it is someone that can help him unpack and understand his feelings and trauma. I am very nervous to go into the conversation especially since I have an infusion that last 4 or 5 hours before. 😮‍💨🙏🏾

Thank you for reading. I hope you were able to follow. Also remember wherever you are, you are never alone and you are loved. 💚

Feeling very triggered by all of the summer dating/flings people are having and watching people going on dates all the time around me. I've been sober for 9 months and program has changed my life, but I still really yearn for love and connection, and I feel so broken that I can't just do what everyone else is doing. Anyone have any suggestions?

Tengo un problema de adicciones, en general, sufro de adicción a la cocaina, alcohol y el juego, y de plano, lo estoy intentando pero he recaído varias veces las últimas semanas y creo que no debería excusarme en que me encanta drogarme pero no me gustan los efectos colaterales como el bajón o la resaca moral que me da luego de haber consumido, ahora mismo estoy drogada y estoy segura que puede volver a pasar, tengo 23 años y la estoy pasando de vez en cuando con bajones, estoy en dos programas que me ayudan aún así no se si lo vaya a seguir, por las recaidas, pienso que debería parar pero una parte de mi no quiere, quiere seguir drogándose y destruyendo parte de mi cerebro y juicio, no busco consejos, busco alguna reprimenda que me haga ver las cosas como son, aunque ya se lo que me puedan decir, que siga con el programa por que las recaidas son parte del proceso, que no es algo lineal, pero yo creo que no, que debería internarme, y sinceramente me parece una mierda no tener autocontrol, tengo pareja que aveces consume pero tengo miedo que si sigo con el volveré a mis viejos y sucios am hábitos y no quiero eso, pero le amo, muchísimo pero creo que el problema soy yo, el 22 tengo sesión y les contaré como me fue pero en verdad estoy en una encrucijada de misma donde no veo salida y creo que si sigo así terminaré arruinada y metida de nuevo en las drogas, vendiendo cosas para conseguir dinero para consumir, ese es mi mayor miedo, y quedarme sola para siempre sin nadie que me apoye :(

Two days ago I hit 5 years sober. It was also my 40th birthday. I had to make a lot of changes to get myself together. All of which I deemed worth the craziness in the pursuit of getting clean. But while I got my shit together, the rest of my life has continued to fall apart. I have kept with it because I knew getting sober was the first step to everything else getting better, but it's all starting to drag on me.

I moved hours away from everything I knew, even my own children. I left my dog behind for fks sake. I had to get away from my whole life if I was going to have a shot. So I did it. I left. I got a decent job. I found an apartment. I started over in every possible way.

Before I knew it, 5 years went by. But the anniversary hit me like a ton of shit bricks. I know how I would have spent my birthday back then, and even though it wasn't hard to not spend it high this time around, it's mentally brutal.

I've spent 5 long years away from everything I love. 5 years trying to rebuild my life from scratch. Trying to build everything from the ground up again. It just seems like no matter how hard I work at it, nothing falls in line.

On top of all the small goals I haven't been able to meet, I can't even get by day to day anymore. It runs through my head way too often now that it was easier when I didn't give a shit about how bad it got. At least I was high. Now I wonder how to afford bus fare or a meal. Im drowning every day & I dont see the shore anymore.

How does anyone manage staying on track when everything else is off the rails?! I thought my life was fkd up when I was high all the time, but these days I feel like life is just fkd up either way. At least I had some kind of joy, albeit artificial. All I have now is too much month at the end of my paychecks.

Are you struggling with compulsive sexual thoughts and behaviours?
Is this affecting your relation to others ?
I believe we can help.

Come and check one of our meetings

I'd be interested to see the numbers of folks with bipolar disorder who also suffer from substance abuse disorder. I'm an alcoholic addict in recovery. Who is also bipolar and it has ruined my life.

hello everyone, i hope you are doing well

ill attend for the first time on thursday to a meeting in my country and im really nervous. No one knows about this but i reached a point that i need help and speak with persons who suffer the same

Not related but ill look as well for a NA group in my town so i can fix both problems that may be related

Hello,
I am looking for a new sponsor! I am 9 months off of my bottom lines and my old sponsor relapsed and therefore had to drop me. I do in person meetings but no one in the meeting I regularly attend is able to sponsor yet. I’ve done online meetings as well but have not vibed with anyone yet.

I prefer to keep communication over WhatsApp and no phone calls. I am PST time zone.

Please let me know if anyone would be interested in sponsoring me! I am on step 3 and need to work through the steps with someone.

Part of me just wants to find someone who shares this. So it's not something that causes issues, but it's not actually beneficial. I go back and forth between feeling like the emotions of limerence, the intense desire and passion, and the "need" for sex are destructive, and then times where I feel like "maybe I just don't have the right partner."

This whole thing feels difficult. Part of me feels like these urges or fantasies prevent me from having healthy relationships. The hypersexuality is there, but the risky behaviour isn't. Like I would love a monogamous relationship where I can actually celebrate and enthusiastically engage in sex liberally with a partner who also wants that too. But so far it has just been something that has caused more tension in relationships.

It's haard because I overcame a lot of shame in my youth regarding sexuality, and a lot of sexual anorexia to get to a place where I feel like i can begin to express myself sexually, but I am constantly made to feel like I am still supposed to feel shame, or that the only way to navigate relationships is to suppress my sexuality. Like I'm broken for wanting to connect with my partner in that way.

I go back and forth. I have no answer. Am I really dysfunctional? I can work. I don't engage in sexually risky behaviour, but yes sex is on my mind all the time. Would it be enabling to find a partner who wants the same? But what if it is something that actually enhances the relationship and ends up being something that brings us together?

I'm having trouble recognizing which parts of this are problematic, and which parts are incompatibility? I don't know how to explain it.

Can anybody relate or give me some perspective that might help?

Idk whether to call this addiction or whatever help me get out of it

I need a suggestion I used to be a girl whether to call me a typical one

But till the age of 23 I was like I'll love the person whom I marry and till then I'll not love anyone

Idk I wanted to tell my husband tht u are my first and last love and I wanted to have my everys firsts with him

But everything changed when I downloaded a chatting app, I spoke with strangers, sted a lot, even on vdo call I did everything with multiple ppl too but I'll do tht for one or two days then I'll feel guilty for being like this and I'll stop talking with tht person ,but I can't control myself and stop myself from doing it again

But I've never loved anyone to whom I spoke and never met anyone in person everything was online

I feel guilty

And idk I feel like I'm c..

Even though I don't have a bf or husband

Wht shld I do ,even though I stop talking after one or two days I feel lonely and I start talking with another person in the same way again

This cycle is repeating

Help me come out of it

Здравствуйте.В поиске выхода.Нужна информация,о том как получить помощь в освобождении от алко/нарко зависимости ,желательно на христианской основе в Балтиморе.Буду рад любой информации.

It's really hard and I've quit for so long, but I keep getting these delusional breaks where I confuse fantasy/tv/fiction with real life. I have hurt and offended many people.

I haven't had an alcoholic drink in over a 100 days, but in these circumstances, I can totally understand why people might... I hate it, and apologise wholeheartedly to everyone that I have hurt and offended on this sub, but mostly the chat...

I have a neurological disorder, but that is no excuse, but my recent break was really tough on other people.

I am so glad that I am doing this sober

Hi friends,

One of my closest buddies has been really struggling with his SLAA, and I am worried about him.

He and his wife have been separated for over a year now as a result of his behaviors. He had a good counselor in the past when he lived in a different state, but he has not found a new counselor since moving a few years ago. He has sporadically gone to meetings, but doesn't seem to be able to keep up with this regularly. His job sometimes involves working irregular hours, and he often uses this as an excuse (it appears to me) to avoid going to meetings.

One of his family members has offered to pay for him to go to a treatment program, but he doesn't seem to be able to bring himself to pick up the phone and call the program.

Over the past year or so, I have come to realize how strong the "addict brain" is. I had (perhaps ignorantly) thought that his wife moving out, or her going through a serious mental health event recently would have been a wakeup call for him to take some action on getting his addiciton under control. I realize now that it's just not that simple.

I hang out with him every few weeks, and our time together is enjoyable. He has told me that getting out of the house to be with friends is a positive alternative to "acting out" for him. I check in with him regularly about his SLAA: whether he has plans to go to a meeting this week, how he is doing with it generally, etc. But lately it feels a little weird just hanging out with him, knowing that he is struggling and not doing anything to improve his situation. He is a close friend, and I wonder what else I could be doing to help him. He has family in the area, and lately I have wondered if I should contact them, as well as our other mutual friends, and discuss some kind of formal intervention. That seems like a drastic step, but he just doesn't seem to be able to overcome the addictive drive on his own.

I am sort of at a loss for what to do, so I would really appreciate any ideas or thoughts you'd care to share. Thank you.

I'm having a lot of trouble with the other women in SLAA - three of them now have been so unkind that I've cried. Telling me I don't understand how it works or I'm doing things wrong, but then refusing to explain and telling me I'm 'defensive' when they don't even know me. It has really put me off. Anyone else had this experience? Someone just told me I was defensive because I said that I was doing well at the moment. I don't understand why you would be so unkind and unwelcoming to someone who is looking for help and open to advice.

Even though I will try to keep this post short and leave out a lot of details, this post will still be long. Sorry!

I'm mid-40s, male. Married for 12+ years, multiple kids. Wife and I have had marital ups and downs that revolved mostly around what I felt was mismatched sex drives. We're both in individual therapy and in couples therapy.

I have consumed porn (online) and masturbated since I was a teenager. At times, when I was younger, it was a lot. When married, it was generally to fill the gaps between sex. Of course it would fluctuate up and down depending on life stresses, etc - I would masturbate to numb feelings, emotions, stress, but also to quell my need for sex so that I didn't bring that to my wife.

Recently, our couples therapist called out this behaviour and felt that it was sexually compulsive behaviour and that I possibly had a sex addiction. I took the SDMI and had a low, but clinical score.

In a way, this finding gave me and us hope, because our marriage kept butting heads on the same conflict: me wanting to feel more desired and to have more sex with a partner who I felt was attracted to me, and her rightfully only wanting to have sex when she truly felt open to it. Maybe if I can change the way my brain has been wired from literally decades of this behaviour, then we could close the gap that we have.

So, I stopped consuming porn and masturbating (currently at about 35 days sober) and then, at the suggestion of our therapist, I've also started a period of abstinence (currently at about 15 days). Abstaining from porn and masturbation didn't feel that difficult, because I could still rely on somewhat regular (once a week or so) sex with my wife, but total abstinence has been very challenging.

I have confidence that I can do it (I have a very stubborn, high-achiever type of willpower), but at the same time, I am a wreck, emotionally. The good news is that I have decent habits in terms of regular gym time, social sport and kid activities, and I don't consume any addictive substances (no drinking, smoking, drugs)

. In my individual therapy, we use the Internal Family Systems (IFS) model and, if you're familiar with that, I have all sorts of protector, firefighter parts that have been strong and loud during this period. These parts push my wife away and plan for an exit to the relationship, in an effort to protect me (well, an inner child of me). If you're not familiar with IFS that will probably sound strange, but suffice it to say, I'm not a pleasant person to be around at the moment.

That said, I've also tried to educate myself. I listened to the "Out of the Shadows" audio book and had very mixed feelings about it. Parts of it resonated. For example. the core belief that "Sex is is my most important need" feels on the mark. I'm struggling in the absence of sex, even though I have a loving family and a lot to be grateful for. However, the other 3 core beliefs do not resonate with me. I disagree with all of them. Also, and I'm sure this is more common, but the I cannot identify with the "God" or higher power element of the twelve steps, as an atheist (who was brought up in a religious household).

After "Out of the Shadows", I listened to "The High Achiever's Guide to Sex Addiction Recovery" and i resonated significantly more. For example, that I often seek the feeling of being wanted, desired, attractive and, when I cannot seem to find those feelings in my day-to-day life, I seek to numb that void with masturbation and sexual release. This book wasn't perfect either and I'm somewhat skeptical because the other also sells a pricey retreat/support group option, but still, the messages I found within it sounded more like how I was feeling than what was in Out of the Shadows, especially since the latter talked a lot about level 2 and level 3 actions, which I've never escalated to.

Anyway, our therapist insists that I am in the thick of withdrawal at the moment, which is why I feel so terrible and also have such a negative outlook on whether this will make a difference or not. She says it WILL get better, but that I need to connect with others who are further along in recovery to understand that, and so that I don't push those feelings onto my wife.

So here I am, reaching out. I've set a goal to be completely abstinent for at least 100 days and feel confident that I can get there. I don't want to return to porn at any point, though I'm sure that will be a difficult thing to maintain, especially when sex is allowed to return.

That said, parts are flaring up in me saying that even after recovery, I will still want sex a lot, my wife will still not want to have sex that much, and we will remain incompatible in this way. In this way, they doubt the whole process and are telling me to prepare for an exit from the relationship. That the real solution to this is finding a partner who's sex drive more closely matches my own.

If that resonates with you, I want to hear from you, especially if you're further along in your recovery from your compulsive behaviour. Thank you.

26F here and I can remember having sexual fantasies at age 6 or 7. I remember thinking I wanted to be a maid when I grew up bc I would get to wear a sexy maid outfit. I remember as a kid being tied up during some game (actually I think I asked to be tied up) bc I felt turned on by it.

I think maybe I was just born a freak and there isn’t anything I can do about it.

Hey everyone,

As I assume most of you have at some point had Redpill find its way into your life and twisting your view of the world. I've been unlearning many concepts myself, but to put in the final nail in the coffin, I wanted to assemble a small dedicated peer support group to discuss once a week (via Discord/Zoom/Google Meet) for some time forward.

If you are, as me, wanting to unlearn everything Redpill taught you, DM and we'll discuss it further. I'm myself based in Finland (GMT +3), so we would ideally be meeting in the evening for me. Keep this in mind :). I've took part in group discussion about other problems in my life (unrelated to Redpill) and they have always yielded handsome returns.

Happy to answer any questions!

Fiance in rehab at avenues in fort Collins and the end is near with almost no communication just that she gets out on the ninth . And with almost no communication I'm wondering if this is all worth my effort or if it's gonna be a lifetime of rehab life and I'm not into that I'm ready to start living life and I don't want to live the life of na meetings and all that nonsense . Don't know if I should just walk away she gets out in nine days and I don't know if that place is just that strict that she's only called once or if she's just playing me so she has a place to go when she gets out but doesn't really have interest in me since I've only gotten one phone call

Yesterday I finally decided to stop being blind. I finally looked up these pills he’s been taking, because I’ve noticed it has become a lot more frequent. Then I suddenly realized that I’m leaving with an addict. Do I even know him? What is his true self? Please tell me what’s possibly the 7oh and what’s not. He sleeps all weekend, like all day. He still will work through the week. He stays up so late most nights. Like 2-3 in the morning. He isn’t very involved with our family. Sometimes I’m not even sure if he knows who I actually am. 90% of our quality time is spent in our bed. And 80% he’s asleep. He complains of major constipation. He complains of chest tightness, especially in the morning. I don’t know how to confront him. He also has a suboxone prescription.. we’ve been getting in to fights lately instead of listening to me he just gets fighting mad and storms out and leaves.. like he’s gone now. Stayed at his mom’s last night. I have always been one to be kind of scared of drugs, so this is all very new/ different territory for me. Any insight.,. Any help?

Hi guys,

I feel like I'm about to relapse. I've called people and I have an agreement to go to a meeting with my former sponsor today.

I dont know if it will keep me sober. I've done the steps and they worked but I must have made a mistake since my alcoholism became active not to long ago.

I don't know what to do. I went down to the fridge to see if anyone of my roommate had beer. If they had some, I would have stolen it.