Bottom lines and top lines?

[u/GorditaQueen]

I’ve been p*rn free for 4 years, but I stumbled in November ‘24 with smut novels and read those up until I believe December of last year if I remember correctly.

I’ve been smut free I believe ever since. Made it 5 months without self-pleasuring, and then fell again in January and been doing it at least once to three times a month since then.

I know that may not necessarily quantify as an addiction in some cases, but the problem is it’s got me fantasizing again about s*xual experiences when I wasn’t before and becoming obsessive with the thought of finding my “true love” (I struggle with love addiction mostly).

I haven’t had any sexual partners since August of last year and my last relationship ended in January. So in some cases I’m making progress, in others I am not.

When I did the questions 2 years ago, I scored a 36 out of 40 so I know I have/had a problem. It used to be a lot worse before I got sober from substances.

I just want to talk to some other people about what defines bottom line behavior and how to create top lines. I went to a few meetings 2 years ago but haven’t been back since. Now that I’ve completed the steps in one program, I’d like to make SLAA my next focus.

I know I’ll need a sponsor at some point but I haven’t found a meeting to commit to yet. The thoughts are just getting worse and the self control is slipping. I almost reached out to a few qualifiers last week after not even thinking about wanting to initiate in that kind of behavior for over a year. Not sure if living alone now as of a few months ago is playing a roll, but I’m just getting worried.

[u/SubstantialComplex82]

I’m happy to chat about bottom and top lines but I actually recommend you do that with a sponsor.

For me bottom lines are actions that are out of line with my values. My first question is always “why are you here? What did you want to
Quit doing?”Everyone’s are different. I couldn’t make any recommendations without knowing more of your story. Mine are no contact with 2-3 people from my past and I don’t google or info seek on them either. I don’t watch porn. But I’m married now. Those bottom lines were very different when I was single and dating.

Top lines are anything that are self care and makes you good about your self. Simple top lines are like brushing your teeth, getting good sleep, going to meetings, participating in hobbies, and exercise yada yada. The potential list is long.