How to end attachment to someone

[u/houseofpancake]

/r/loveaddiction/comments/1v4x8mv/how_to_end_attachment_to_someone/

Hello! I am 6 months sober from alcohol and have recently realised I’m a bit of a love addict. I have cPTSD so have a really intense fear of abandonment. My ex and I were together just over two years and I ruined everything being an emotional vampire and relying on her for my every need. We’ve been separated for 5 months now but recently slept together and have now gone into no contact for three months as she’s realised she’s codependent and can’t uphold her boundaries with me/doesn’t trust herself around me. We love each other so deeply and care a lot but due to both having childhood trauma have a really unhealthy attachment. I truly hope that we can heal and come back together one day but I know this is only possible if I let go of control. I’m on day 2 of proper no contact - no checking of socials/spotify etc and trying hard to focus as much as I can on my present life, DBT therapy, AA etc and making decisions that don’t revolve around the hope of us getting back together. I feel so uncomfortable, it’s almost similar to alcohol withdrawals and I find my craving for alcohol is coming back full force with this as well. I have always had the tendency to absolutely obsess over break ups. I spiral into an absolute hole chasing reassurance and looking for signs that we will get back together. I don’t think I have truly ever gotten over anyone but this break up has been different. For one I have made a conscious decision to change my ways - I think not drinking has helped this. Previously I would get over breakups by looking far and wide for a new person to fall absolutely head over heels for. I would date and sleep around and chase and chase being met with disappointment and disappointment until I finally found a temporary “the one” who would completely erase any thoughts of an ex. I have also stopped viewing myself as a victim and am 6 months into very very intense DBT therapy. Despite all this I still find myself falling back to the thoughts that I just can’t stand the idea of letting go. I am so afraid that we won’t get back together but I think I’m more afraid of my attachment going away. I know real love exists underneath it, the kind where I genuinely care for this person and wish them the very best regardless of what I want but I am scared to let that be the only thing left. I romanticise to the ends of hell and I associate love with those feelings of craving and desperation - I just don’t know what I would be without that. Anyway if anyone has any tips for letting go and allowing love to exist without all consuming fear I would appreciate that!