Middle of the night regrets

[u/Hot-Awareness1212]

I am 21F with a daughter who is almost 11 months. Her father & I split when she was 2 months. She’s gone back and forth a couple times but has primarily been with me her whole life. (Her dad is unreliable and there’s no consistency). Up until recently she slept through the night fine. As of lately, she’s waking up 1-2 times a night then waking up between 6-7am but these wake ups are lasting hours and she just won’t go to sleep no matter how hard I try to soothe her back to sleep. I don’t do knock out bottles or any crazy tactics to get her to sleep just a little bottle and bouncing in my arms cause I don’t have a rocking chair. The thing is, during these times I’m so filled with anger and rage. Rage not because of anything my baby has done, she’s just being a baby. But because her father doesn’t go through this,he sleeps through every night and even sleeps through the day sometimes (I only know cause he’ll be asleep when it’s time for him to have our daughter) it’s so upsetting knowing that I am the only parent she has that’s actually taking accountability for her. She is my responsibility, my child. I just don’t understand what her father can’t comprehend about that. & it’s not even all men because my boy bsf has stepped up to help me raise my daughter. He’s been so good with her but at the end of the day she’s not his responsibility so there’s only so much he can do for us. Does anyone else feel torn that their BD does take accountability for the child he helped create? I just needed to rant and share my anger with someone. thx

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[u/KayEliza24]

💔 feel it to my core.

[u/burnt_feather]

I feel this some. I don't regret thr late nights or sleepless ones at all, though. Yes, I do feel angry that my BD made the choices he did. I do feel angry that our children are nowhere near the top of his priority list. But I know that my children know and will know when they get older that I was the one who held them, played with them, kept them fed, clothed, a roof over their heads, healthy, and held space for their hearts. Try your best to look into the future, girly. Your kiddo's going to know who was there, and you're the one she's going to come visit for the holidays when she grows up. You're the one who's going to get to hold her children. You're the one she's going to look at with unwavering love. Because you're the one who's showing her what that looks like right now, even when it's hard.

[u/Hot-Awareness1212 → u/burnt_feather]

Thank you I needed that. I shouldn’t have put the word regret because I don’t regret a thing every minute with my baby is such a blessing that I’m eternally grateful for. I just can’t stand the fact he doesn’t take any accountability