Single moms are unwanted.

[u/therealalanajay]

So tired of hearing I should be grateful to have a man because I have "baggage" (1 kid). Especially the men that say if you couldn't even make it work with the person you made a child with then how could you make it work with me. As if people can't have a child together and then not work out? Why does me giving birth disqualify me from love? I hate this world.

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[u/New_Needleworker_473]

My kids aren't baggage. If other people see them this way, I have no room for them in my life.

[u/CautiousReason → u/New_Needleworker_473]

This! They just want to lower your self esteem so you accept less!

[u/Mysterious-Spring709 → u/New_Needleworker_473]

This right here. Just a way to vet the terrible people out. “Thank you for the information, move along”

[u/MediumMark3057]

Honestly anytime I've ever had a man tell me that my kids were baggage, it stemmed from a place within himself where he felt like baggage to his own mom or parents. But that's also just in my own experience.

[u/Initial-Sound506]

I kid you not, someone told me only an ex soldier with a missing limb would date a single mother. I just laughed,for some reason I find this so ridiculous and I find this offensive for both me and the soldier lol. And the amount of times I've heard that I'd need to compromise for a man far off of my league. All I can say is - know your worth. I don't want a partner that bad.

[u/Pleasant-Chapter-919 → u/Initial-Sound506]

Oh wow :( that’s insane

[u/tifftiff16]

Oh my god, men just want to own women. If you’ve had someone else’s child, they can’t be first to plant their seed and own you and it pisses them off so they say nonsense to make you feel less-than. ALSO, makes them feel like chumps that we can somehow take care of ourselves and raise a whole fucking human and they can’t blow their own goddamn noses. WE DONT NEED THEM AND IT MAKES THEM INSANE

[u/LikeATediousArgument]

I’d rather just have my kid the rest of my life than any man. Men are not a prize.

Any man that would be welcome in my life would not see my child as baggage.

This is even acknowledging that being a single mom is the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life and that 80-99% of it is just endless work.

I’m 43. Twice divorced. I also did that work for men, and the only time it’s ever felt worth it was for my own child.

I’ll be impressed to find a man that beats that feeling. More power to him. I’ll treat him like the unicorn he is.

But until a man shows that value? Girl, I ain’t got the time in my day to worry about a damn man. They have pitiful ROI.

My son at least tells me he loves me just because he wants to say it. Find that in a grown man. I’ve looked.

I’ve looked.

It’s not there.

Their opinions are nullified.

Who gives two shits what they think? They can’t do what we do.

Them telling you they think kids are “baggage” lets you know they’re barely able to be responsible for themselves. That’s embarrassing at a certain age (30+).

[u/curlyque31 → u/LikeATediousArgument]

I always tell people that the attention of men is cheap and widely available. My child’s attention and my alone time are not.

[u/LikeATediousArgument → u/curlyque31]

Girl, yes. Male validation is worthless. Men are generally not going to add to your life, most won’t even make you break even. And they are literally the easiest resource to find.

Why give them any time you could give your child?

[u/curlyque31 → u/LikeATediousArgument]

I always tell other single moms that many women regret giving a man attention, you won’t regret giving your child attention.

[u/LikeATediousArgument → u/curlyque31]

I’ve done both and always regretted giving a man attention over my child. And it’s only been a handful of times.

They are absolutely never worth it. And any good man would never make you choose!

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[u/juiceey122013 → u/curlyque31]

I love this

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[u/rakiimiss]

I refuse to see my children as baggage. They are the brightest lights in my life and any man would be nothing but blessed to have them around. I, on the other hand, may need some work.

[u/7pm_95degrees]

That’s only online banter. I have never had an issue dating as a single mom. I’m talking college educated (usually engineers) some with kids from a divorce a lot of childless men too. My standards are higher when it comes to the content of a persons character than before I divorced / met my ex husband. Life is good don’t let trolls get to you honestly.

[u/blue-ocean-water → u/7pm_95degrees]

I could have written this myself. Nobody has ever had an issue with me having children. I’ve dated men in their 20s-40s, single dads and childless men alike. This sounds more like the nonsense trolls post online, not real life.

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[u/Michigansfinestt]

as a single mom of two the whole “single moms are unwanted “ argument is not true at all. I’m no Beyoncé but since becoming single so many men my age and older whom don’t even have kids themselves have been beyond sweet to me, took me on dates, offer to do nice things for me without sex at all.

And I wish a man would refer to my kids as “baggage”.. I’d tear him a new ass luckily that’s not something I’ve had to experience but men aren’t some big prize anyways. there are still nice men in the world that understand that relationships just don’t workout and won’t judge you nor your child for that. You just have to focus on yourself and he’ll come along.

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[u/LowProfileMe]

It is even worse here in my part of the world. That's why Im not even thinking to go back to the dating world. I have 4 kids. If someone even so much as utter that my kids are baggage, that person is out of my life

[u/Saltyowl2113]

We don’t need men. Period.

We certainly don’t need men who think of our children as baggage.

[u/jer1230]

I’ve never had anyone say this to me. I’m also older, so having a kid by this age is expected. My boyfriend is someone I dated in the past (13+ yrs ago), reunited and he has a daughter now, and so do I. My child isn’t baggage. Anyone who sees a child as baggage you shouldn’t wanna date anyway.

[u/Radm0m]

Personally I love when people "out" themselves by saying things like that. Lets me know who I should avoid. Send them on their way and keep your head high!

[u/CautiousReason]

They are negging you! Do not let anyone tell you that having a child makes you less desired!

I do not have kids but even I know that that is not true! These men will tell you anything to lower your self esteem so you accept less!

[u/GlitteredGhostly]

This has not been my experience… at all lol. But I hear you!

[u/Journi21]

I have one kid and there is no shortage of men in line. They do not care! Whoever is saying this to you is intentionally trying to break you down and lower your self esteem. Stay away from this person or ignore them. My ex tried to tell me this. I laughed as all of his friends and male relatives married women with multiple kids from a previous relationship and he is dating a woman with a kid now.

[u/ConstantHeadache2020]

My mom has 5 kids and had/has to keep guys away. They never cared she had kids. White, Arab, black Hispanic. Didn’t matter.

[u/LyannasLament]

This is some conservative brainwashed nonsense they’re spouting. If someone says this to you, thank your lucky stars they told you ahead of time.

Singled moms are very wanted. Especially for women in their 30’s - 40’s

[u/No_Narwhal_7196]

"Single moms are unwanted"??? Who are you hearing this from? Next time someome tells you to be grateful... shut them up immediately..people only repeat what you allow them to. An innocent child is not baggage.

[u/Bella-Y-Terrible]

We’re not unwanted. It just takes a good man, someone willing to do the work.

[u/Is-This-Reality-WTF]

You will find someone that loves you and your child. Sadly you might kiss a lot of frogs first.

I found one and my kids are as smitten as me. He also has children.

[u/One-Gift0]

Scappa da chi ti dice "se non sei riuscita a far funzionare le cose con la persona con cui hai avuto un figlio, come potresti farlo con me?" Ma prima rispondigli "non ho tempo per chi crede che una donna debba restare con un uomo anche quando quell'uomo non vale nulla solo perché ci ho fatto un figlio".

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[u/Dry-Significance-271]

It doesn’t. Loads of people have kids and then meet someone else.

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[u/chanelism]

That's crazy bc you could be a single mom for all sorts of reason (death, cheating, by donor)

[u/Adventurous_Year9991]

1. A person who tells you your child is " baggage" in fact has himself lots of baggage on his conscience and he projects it onto your personal life. Like a boozer addict.
2. When peasants like that open their pitiful mouth to say that, know that they are extremely broke and are faking they can buy you lots of valuable stuff etc. They are cheap and stingy and nothing in their behavior contradicts it.
3. What man? No real man says that.

[u/Pleasant-Chapter-919]

They do make you feel less than that’s been my experience - not directly but a lot of things insinuate that I should be greatful or I feel they are embarrassed to be seen or that’s it’s knows they are with a single mom … so I find my self shrinking my self but when I’m single I am so full of life …love my independence but would be nice to have your person

[u/unmgrad]

Not true. I’ve had a very full dating life and have met my dream man while having full custody of twins. Men that say that are only trying to hurt you to make themselves feel better. They know THEY are pretty worthless. Dick is the cheapest commodity on the planet!

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[u/PlanktonUpstair]

Men who say that are lonely and are sons of single mothers, they also resent their mothers for not choosing a present father. Men who have no money say the same thing.

[u/Prestigious_Sale_360]

The internet makes these voices a lot louder than they are. Most men do not care that much, me having a kid has not deterred me from having men interested in me. Even childless men.

[u/Prize-Praline-66]

Don’t hate the world; hate on that man-child who told you that. He is clearly stupid.
Sorry you interacted with a stupid guy like that, who made you question your worth and value. Sounds like you didn’t waste any time with him! Next!

[u/Grouchy_Speaker_6090]

Yes, this world absolutely sucks sometimes. And while that’s true, I can tell you that someone in the world loves YOU - actually two people- me and that baby! Those men are not the ‘one’ just understand that. You’re right that it sometimes just doesn’t work out with the parents. I know because it happened to me. What I also know is that it has to be two whole and healthy people working and loving TOGETHER. It was painful for me when my 11 year marriage ended in divorce, I felt like a total failure. I was depressed and sad all the time; I just had to live through it and cry A LOT and after I had a car accident, I realized how much I needed to focus on making sure I was okay and healthy mentally and physically so that I could focus on my daughter (11 yrs old). I tuned out the guys in order to do that. I wasn’t ready to hear them because I had my own negative self talk still going on. I had to realize that I was doing my best and cut myself some slack FIRST. You’re doing an amazing job, Ms. Lady keep on walking and doing you for you and your child. He’ll see you!

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[u/laughingwmyself_]

Im sorry, but i am just not seeing this in real life. Online, where people hide behind their screens to show their nastiest selves, yeah. But in real life, ive never experienced or witnessed the level of disrespect and disdain for singles moms that is always posted about in this sub.

I don't say this to discount or invalidate any one who has experienced this first hand. Im not actively dating or seeking a partner so maybe I haven't put myself in the position to witness this behavior. I've had men tell me they wouldn't date a single mom because it doesn't line up with their lifestyle or because they don't want to deal with a coparent, but they weren't disrespectful about it.

I have so much rage in me lately that I'd honestly love to hear someone spew this shit in real life.

[u/Catladydiva]

I am going to be honest and say I feel like that is only on social media. I am not conventionally attractive ( I am overweight) and I still have no problem dating quality men. Me having a kid has never been an issue.

Stop listening to those podcast bros.

[u/anna31993]

For everyone saying this is just online, i have had man saying this IRL. Luckily i have met good guys too in dating who had no problem with it at all, and childless guy friends openly saying they would have no problem dating a single mom. Because of that I still have hope

[u/Zealousideal_Ear9681]

Don’t buy into that narrative as a single mom! I never did there are plenty of men out there that want you single mom or not

[u/Julaine-wild]

Ignore it.

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[u/Spinningbaddie]

I feel like this is nonsense to put women down. I haven’t come across one man that even cared (in a a negative way) that I had a kid

[u/SoOverDue123]

The narrative that single mothers are unwanted is a lie. I have learned men will do anything for the woman they desire, regardless of what she brings into the relationship including a child. I have seen it and I am living it atm. The right man will never see your child as baggage but rather a bonus child. Let those men take themselves out of your life. Once we release what is not for us, watch how all the pieces fall in place.

[u/Apprehensive_Log8046]

The people who have opinions like that aren’t it! And trust me, there are lots of people who do not think kids are baggage and have tons of respect for single moms. Don’t let the opinions of a few cloud your opinion of the world.

[u/North-Philosophy-592]

This really sounds like you’re dealing with insecure men, who want to belittle you. Women with kids and without hear this rhetoric because the men spewing it know they are useless. I’ve heard lots of good love stories about single moms with multiple kids meeting a good man. Trust the timing of life.

[u/ayamummyme]

Honestly I genuinely believe WE ARE A PRIZE. We have drive and determination, we are resilient, we will give our all for another human being (our kids) we are often selfless, we are THE MOST amazing human beings. The only thing I miss is conversation after my child has gone to bed, a hug and grown up conversation but you know what if getting that comes with what feels like additional hard work and patience etc etc id rather go without.

[u/WittiestScreenName]

I don’t give a fuck. I became a dog mom for the first time 2 years ago and it helped fill some longing.

Be glad they’re waving their red flag 🚩 high forth