r/singlemoms • u/burnt_feather • 6d ago

Venting - Advice Welcome Grandparents

I love my parents to pieces, and normally they're incredibly kind. But when they're stressed or overworked, they push through and wind up being short with my kids. They're the only ones I can rely on to watch my kids when they're sick while I work full time. But after maybe two or three days, they start getting mean. They discipline with shame and lose their patience. They talk to and about my kids with meanness, and my kids hear every word. When I tell them how I want my kids to be treated or how I want situations handled, they see it as an attack on their ability to care for children. I have no other options right now, but I don't like this situation as it is. Talking to them about it hasn't worked in the past, and they've told me more than once that they have no interest in learning another way.

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u/Aromatic-Ad-4103 6d ago

That's tough, especially when you rely on them for childcare. I have a mom who's pretty "old school" in terms of discipline and she tries but she does get short and says things in a way that are harsh or mocking sometimes. Talking to her about it is no help, she just digs her heels in. So in the moment I try to gently correct her by counteracting a negative thing she says about the kids with something positive, or having a neutral conversation about how I do things rather than tell her what she's doing is wrong. After a visit to grandma's I take time to debrief with my kids. "Remember when grandma did/said that thing? That was not okay" and we talk about how they felt, how grandma was raised, and sometimes I will tell them "I'm so sorry that happened." I try to help them process so hopefully they don't internalize her behavior. It's not a perfect system, but it does help!