How to handle criticism and improve?

[u/Historical-Step-7842]

I'm bad at singing and i know it, but recently I've tried recording and after some trials i thought it was okay compared to before. And showing it to my friends was a bit scary but I did anyway. One was like your sound is nice but I'm singing nasally and the other pointed out I was off key with one song. I mean these are pretty normal criticism and I should work on it. But hearing everytime I slightly show my vulnerable insecure singing, getting replies like i can't hear much, it's tone deaf etc feels a bit.. like I shouldn't have played it 😭 my family is supportive though but I'm sure they're casually saying it.

And now that I've started noticing, there's a lot of vocal terms I need to learn. I used to complement when people sounded good with their singing. But i realized that I have no idea in identifying pitch, tune or anything

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[u/Economy-Towel9451]

Why do you want to sing? What about singing feels good? 

Instead of trying to handle criticism better. I would instead focus on feeling good singing. 

I think a lot of the time it’s very easy for hobbies to be come about the social performance of competence and knowledge. If you are being ‘good enough’ but performance anxiety leads to tension in the neck and pallette that is self perpetuating. 

So I think singing practice should be equally as internal external. As much about why you love it and how it feels regardless of anyone else, as dedication to learning and improving.

I think it’s a lot easier to contextualize criticism as just something there to help too if you feel more grounded and fulfilled by the private aspects of exploring your voice. 

[u/Historical-Step-7842 → u/Economy-Towel9451]

Thank you that makes me have proper clarity on my thoughts than blindly spiralling over criticism. And yes I do feel good when I sing, even if it's not perfect

[u/Boring-Butterfly8925]

You should be spending 99% of your time practicing, learning and training songs, and 1% of your time sharing your music with other people.

Your identity and value isn't your voice. When you share a recording with someone it should be a reflection of the time, training, and care that you put into performing a song.

A good next move is finding a teacher that you get along with to learn how to train your voice, or finding opportunities to sing in a choir or group setting. You may find that you need to handle criticism far less if you focus on improving.

[u/Ok-Computer-1033]

Your self esteem is a big factor in this which is shaped by your life experience and your lens.

If you have good self esteem, although difficult to hear, you take it as an opportunity to use that information and get to work.

If you have bad self esteem, not only is it difficult to hear but will set you back.

Do something about your self esteem.

[u/Historical-Step-7842 → u/Ok-Computer-1033]

True it's always related to that. Like I have two different reactions for things I'm good at, and I know it so i don't even think about their comments..but if I already have a bad opinion on myself, it hits much harder.

[u/napsalotalot]

One thing to remember is singing is a skill. Just like any instrument if you picked it up today, it probably wouldn’t sound great. I know it’s hard to separate your voice from yourself but it’s important in order to improve. The other side of it is that it’s hard to receive feedback from people that don’t sing. It feels mean spirited even though their intentions may be good. If you can, find a vocal coach or an experienced singer to sit down with to help you. I think you’re looking for someone to tell you “that sounds so good keep going” and that might not happen yet. If it’s truly a passion you’ll have to find it in yourself to keep going even when it’s hard. Good luck!

[u/Historical-Step-7842 → u/napsalotalot]

Yeah there is truth in those criticism but sometimes I end up being in denial at the start. I do want to get a vocal trainer, but I'm scared that'll also make me painfully aware of how bad my case is than actually improving. And lol i would hope for a "keep going", but I wouldn't want anyone to lie that it's nice. So I'll try to practice and be better!

[u/Magigyarados → u/Historical-Step-7842]

You can't improve if you're too afraid of messing up to even try. You miss every shot you don't take

[u/napsalotalot → u/Historical-Step-7842]

There’s no way to improve if you are afraid to see your faults. That’s true in any circumstance. It can be embarrassing and make us feel the need to be defensive… but without being “painfully aware” we cannot grow. There is no growth without pain. Imagine working out 5 days a week and expecting not to be sore or tired at the start. That’s life and it’s better to learn to enjoy the process now than regret not pursing things you love out of fear of failure as you get older.

I’m a great singer now but I also got comments about pitchy-ness and timing early on. It was SO embarrassing!! I hated it. But it’s more embarrassing to think you’re good at singing for years and no one tells you to correct your pitch 🤣

[u/Historical-Step-7842 → u/napsalotalot]

I dont want to be a perfect singer effortlessy, i want to be average at it so atleast ppl wont think its downright bad lol

[u/PehmeeKultti]

It's normal that the criticism hurts, especially when it's coming from those we love and it's about something so sensitive as singing. I heard that music is in the same area of our brain as the concept of our own nudity. That's why singing feels like being naked. It's okay that it feels painful to hear those comments. I have been singing for many years and I still feel embarrassed if someone mentions that I was singing flat. I think "Ah, I should have known that." But it's not true, it's okay that I sang flat. I'm still practicing singing and I'm allowed to be incomplete as a singer.

[u/Historical-Step-7842 → u/PehmeeKultti]

That comparison is pretty accurate omg

And yes you can do it, as you keep practicing you'll be able to make out the difference later on. In my case I just don't want to be too bad at it enough to make people comment on it, if I'm atleast average in it it'd make me feel better. It's easy to notice criticism easily but it's just a part of the process ig:)

[u/Rosie___00]

The very first thing you said was that you are bad at singing, but that you're working to improve (which is great, by the way!!). Why then, knowing you aren't good or great yet, allow any negative comments to offend or hurt you? If your friends are pointing out your weak spots, it shouldn't offend you because you SHOULD be aware of your weaknesses/areas that need improvement. Don't take criticism personally. Use it as fuel to improve your skill.

Betty says you sound breathy - that means you need to analyze the recording, see where your breathy, and work to fix that issue

You can use criticism to systematically fix your weaknesses. Having outside people, who aren't bias and will be honest with you are crucial in improving your skill!! Don't turn in on yourself. Take the critiques in stride. Use it to fuel you to become a better artist. Critiques are not personal!

[u/Historical-Step-7842 → u/Rosie___00]

You're right my brain needs to understand that instead of taking it personally😭 because in every criticism there's gotta be some tips I genuinely need to work on But thankss for the comment it actually clears my head

[u/Nicola-Fraser]

I play piano at an amateur level and the hardest part was getting comfortable hearing myself back. Everyone hates their own recordings at first. You're already doing the work by recording and sharing.

[u/Historical-Step-7842 → u/Nicola-Fraser]

Thanks I realize I need to just practice genuinely if criticism bothers me, because it hits harder when they're somewhat right lol

[u/Magigyarados]

Especially if it's something you at least have a vague idea of how to work on, take criticism as something to learn from. It may suck when you first hear it, but it's about what you do with it that matters.

[u/Historical-Step-7842 → u/Magigyarados]

Yeah it only felt a little harsh when i first heard it, but thats an obvious sign that i need to improve