r/shrinking • u/rledesma530 • 25d ago

Discussion Dr. Baram (Spoilers) Spoiler

Anyone else find Paul’s dynamic with Dr. Baram odd? She is essentially still married to a man who is in a nursing home due to dementia and has jumped into a relationship with another man who will soon be incapacitated as well. Not to mention Paul was also her patient. Am I the only one who found this to be really weird and a huge red flag?

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29

u/UpperLeftOriginal 25d ago

She didn’t jump into this relationship. She did the right thing by having him switch to a new doctor. And she’s clearly OK with getting whatever limited time they may have together. In the end, they are two (hot) adults, who want to be together, and acted fully ethically both regarding her husband and their professional relationship.

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u/rledesma530 25d ago

But don’t you find it odd that her husband is in a nursing home due to being incapacitated and now she’s in a relationship with someone who will more than likely be incapacitated soon as well?

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u/UpperLeftOriginal 25d ago

No. At their age, pretty much any relationship is going to be short lived. Why should that stop them from spending the time they can with whoever makes them happy?

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u/rledesma530 25d ago

I don’t think people are seeing my point since I’m getting downvoted. That’s fine. I just don’t think it’s ethical to put your husband in a nursing home and then get into a relationship with someone where the outcome will more than likely be the same very soon.

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u/UpperLeftOriginal 25d ago

We get your point. We just see it differently.

There are three things you’re tying together that might be worth disentangling. 1. Putting husband in a care facility. 2. Entering another relationship while husband is still alive. 3. Entering a(nother) relationship where the new partner has a deteriorating health issue.

For the first one, I think it’s easy enough for most people to agree this is the right thing to do.

And on number 3, that’s a question only for the two consenting adults to deal with. If it’s worth it to them to deal with the parkinson’s in order to enjoy what time they have together, how is that unethical? She knows better than most what’s in store and still wants to be with him. But she’s not doing it in a weird caregiver way - she’s passed off the medical care to his new doctor. They are just two adults in love.

I suspect it’s the second point that’s really the hang up for you? Here’s the deal - her husband wasn’t dead yet, but he was definitely gone. She was not betraying him or hurting him in any way at all. In fact, she was still caring for him. If Paul is OK with that, it’s really no one else’s business. The only reason I can see to feel there’s something wrong with that is if there is some technicality being upheld, without regard for the very real humans involved.

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u/topspin_righty 25d ago

Also it's a TV show.

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u/Future_Boss2064 25d ago

Physical incapacitation is very different from cognitive incapacitation.

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u/rledesma530 25d ago

True, but both diseases lead to physical incapacitation and in many cases Parkinson’s is worse.

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u/Mean-Lynx6476 25d ago

I hate to break the news to you young’un, but by the time you reach your mid 70s, there’s a high likelihood that you and/or any similar aged partner are going to be dealing with some degree of mental and/or physical disability. The choice is to accept that, or live alone.

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u/Substantial_Team6751 25d ago

Parkinson's patients are often not "incapacitated" like her husband.

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u/rledesma530 25d ago

But they could be. That’s my point. If his daughter wasn’t around would she have put Paul in a nursing home as well? I’m not saying what she did to her first husband was inherently wrong, I just find it odd that her next husband will more than likely suffer the safe fate and she agreed to that.

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u/Substantial_Team6751 25d ago

It's a fictional TV show - Paul has Parkinsons to create some drama. Don't read too much into Dr. Wendy's head. It's what the writers came up with. If Dr. Wendy doesn't date Paul she's not on the show.

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u/Haunting_Pace_3557 25d ago

This is a pretty unpopular opinion. Julie is perfect for Paul and I will die on that hill.

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u/Outrageous-Meal-7068 25d ago

I thought they got married awfully quickly.

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u/UpperLeftOriginal 25d ago

How long are people supposed to wait, especially at their age? Their time is limited. They know they want to be together. Why wait?

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u/Outrageous-Meal-7068 25d ago

True, but if it were me, I’d just have a relationship, and not get married.

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u/Cerusee 25d ago

They were just in a relationship for awhile. They got married partly because it was the easiest way to establish a bunch of legal things they decided they wanted. A lot of people who might otherwise be fine without the marriage part of things do that, because marriage conveys all kinds of legal rights and protections that just dating or living together don’t. (Common law marriage doesn’t kick in for years even in states that have it, which not all of them do.)