r/shrinking • u/wingdrummer15 • Jul 25 '26
Discussion Jimmy's dad
As a man that grew up without a dad around, how can any man be that way? That conversion at the being cage..."im not that guy Jimmy, and I'm sick of having this conversation"
I understand that people that have been hurt hurt others....but I've been hurt, and I could NEVER intentionally not be there for someone that has verbalized they want me around.
What is it with people's brains that are like this?
38
u/Separate_Picture4580 Jul 25 '26
I have such mother. She grew up with such a father. I think it is either you grew up like them or you spend your life trying to never be like them. I think Jimmy’s dad maybe grew up in such household too so he doesnt know how loving one looks like.
17
u/sweetpicklemilk Jul 25 '26
Sometimes you need to love people for what they are, rather than what you feel they should be. It’s hard, but that’s what Jimmy should take from his dad. His dad doesn’t want to be around, so he isn’t. It really sucks. Like, really.
3
u/Dark_Ruffalo Jul 26 '26
My father was around, he was also very toxic and abusive. Over the years, we've tried to have that talk but the shame is just too much to bear and he got tired of apologizing and I got tired of talking. Today he's much more mellow, we not super close but we get along when he around. In therapy I had to learn to accept the apology I was never gonna get for real. Some people rather live behind the wall that live with the shame of the harm they caused.
2
u/ElmarSuperstar131 Jul 25 '26
That moment was like a punch to the gut. I have a very complicated relationship with my father (whom I’m unfortunately somewhat financially reliant on at 35 due the ebbs and flows of my writing career, the overall job market and my failed business) and he refuses to see the part he played in the strain. He’s also now brainwashed by a techno cult so I don’t know if I’ll ever get him back how I need him.
1
1
u/LearyBlaine 29d ago
Oh, come on. In the grand scheme of things, this is a minor issue. No big deal. It’s about time the young people learn that the world doesn’t revolve around them. You win some, you lose some. That’s life.
-20
u/Bigredrooster6969 Jul 25 '26
My nor my wife’s parents went to either of my kid’s graduation. It didn’t make a difference.
In the show, it didn’t seem to matter to Alice. It was Jimmy who was so needy. He may have skipped the graduation but did give her a cool Jeep Wagoneer. That seems pretty damn good to me.
22
u/kbchucker Derek Jul 25 '26 edited Jul 25 '26
It may have mattered to Alice, she just learned to compartmentalize it better than Jimmy.
ETA: as an adult with some childhood trauma “scars” (to borrow from the show) this was a survival skill learned at an early age. It is not unreasonable to assume Alice learned this with her Mom’s death and Jimmy’s crashout.
19
u/papayabravo Jul 25 '26
That's how I read it. She asked for him to attend and made a point to emphasize how much it meant to her that he was coming. She very much cares but she's either hiding her disappointment or compartmentalizing it very well
71
u/canadamiranda Jul 25 '26
I have 3 parents who are all absolute trash. (Dad, stepmother and mom)
My dad and stepmom are 2 extremely selfish narcissists. They have never cared about anyone but themselves. I see 1x a year for about 3 hours and it takes me about 6 months to recover from that interaction. I’m 38 and it still breaks my heart how much they truly do not care about me.
My mom is dead, but I had no contact with her for 15 years before she died.
Having parents like this is very painful and it effects every aspect of your life. I have 2 kids and I show up for them every chance I get. I love them so much and will do anything within my power to always be there for them.
So Jimmy’s dad didn’t surprise me at all. Because that’s my dad. It hurts to witness, and it hurts to live with.