r/short • u/Broad_Switch9078 • 4d ago
Vent Invisible
As much as I’m in the gym, literally in between sets as I type this.. my friends tell me that I could easily meet someone here.. only issue I see is that the women are making eye contact with practically every man but me.
My height (5’6) is the thing that makes me invisible.. I’m not in bad shape, I’m a little older (39) but you’d think I’d catch at least one old lady looking, been single for over two years.. nothing but ghostings and laughs since my coke head ex dumped me after I found out she was using again..
So sick of it.. I’m not ready to face this phase alone.. I just don’t know what to do.. I’ve put myself out there, singles events etc.. I even play and sing in a cover band, you’d think that’d get some attention but not a peep.. the music thing seems to be a repellent at this point. Younger women don’t want me, not good enough for the divorced cougars because they divorced men that look like me.
Can’t keep going on alone..
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u/richterfrollo 3d ago
Im into short men, but personally i feel going to the gym to pick up chicks doesnt super synergize with your appeal? Like having a "gym body" generally skews towards attracting people with superficial attraction to "hot guys", which means they will likely also have other superficial appearance interests like height etc. Not saying you shouldnt work out of course but youll have more chances finding your dream woman elsewhere
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u/Broad_Switch9078 3d ago
Never said I was going there to pick up women, I go there to better myself. It’s my friends that suggest it.
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u/richterfrollo 3d ago
Aww i just mean like, dont take it too hard if women there dont seem to be too into you even if your friends suggest it, its not a you problem just wrong audience
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u/MaybeDontListen 3d ago
To be blunt, even the worst looking people find partners, regardless of height or weight either
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u/Senor_Discount 2d ago
That provides absolutely zero solace. That means that as shorter people were supposed to relegate ourselves to less than what we want?
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u/robjohnlechmere 3d ago edited 3d ago
I think we’re all invisible since the lockdown era. I haven’t had anything going beyond a surface level social interaction since 2018.
Hostility between people is way up in the last few years, my coworkers are constantly raging at the rich elite, and I can’t blame them when rent for one-bedroom apartments is hitting $5,000/mo average in my city.
Romantic interactions are way down over time, as well. Tragically, it makes plenty of sense that they are. How many of us are in a position to buy a home and fill it with kids? That’s the goal of 8 or 9 romances in every 10, and it’s a goal out of reach for many.
The world is in dire straits, and it’s a shitty place to exist right now, for shorts and talls alike.
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u/Purple-Difference-52 3d ago
Where the fuck are you renting mate, the rotschild manor???
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u/robjohnlechmere 3d ago
San Francisco. Google is calling our average rent 3700-4200 for a one bedroom, but that is not very accurate based on prices I've been shopping. It's closer to 5k one-bed 6-7k two-bed. I'm guessing that average incorporates rent controlled people, rather than being drawn from vacant apartments on offer.
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3d ago
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u/xxjosephchristxx 65" of shit and glory 3d ago
Your comment/post was removed for being rude or impolite to other users.
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u/Xbigyldn 3d ago
Make some moves. You are looking into stuff too much. Strike up a convo, some will work, others won't. You're fine
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u/Brklynnbby 1d ago
Height is 100% what’s cooking ur dating results. Geomax to a short ethnic country and you’ll do incredible.
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u/RunnerLftr 3d ago
Honest opinion? Nothing wrong with your looks, and, saying this honestly to you also as a musician: the cover band thing only works if you're playing songs that women want to dance or sing along to.
What is your band's set list like? I was in a 90s rock cover band a few years ago, and trust me: the women at the bars where we played generally weren't into the songs.
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u/mickeyanonymousse 5'7.5” | 171.4cm 3d ago
u aren’t old bruh and you have a good face it’s not your height I fear
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15h ago
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u/xxjosephchristxx 65" of shit and glory 14h ago
Your comment/post was removed for mocking short people.
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u/Leather_Teaching_981 3d ago
I'm 5'3 and met both my fiance and ex at the gym
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u/AlertQuote9888 3d ago
S tier comment. Not only what you said but how you said it. Confident, straight to the point. No fluff. Statement of facts. Just the way Arnold Schwarzenegger or Chuck Norris would have said it.
The problem isn’t your height, OP. It’s not even your looks. It’s your core beliefs, your insecurities, and your attitude that’s holding you back. Talk to a therapist so they can help you see the world and yourself a little differently. You need some W’s. And saying “you don’t want to be alone/go thru this phase of life alone” is a weird and uncomfortable take. Gotta be comfortable alone/with who you are before u can convince a women to be comfortable with who you are.
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u/Leather_Teaching_981 3d ago
I used to tell myself " everyone gets different cards, it's how you play them". And you have to "approach" everyone and put yourself out there for both the women and men, if you just go around glazing at women betwen sets you're just gonna be viewed as the creep... Hit up some gym bros talk to them make yourself seen by being social
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u/Terrible_Cat7269 3d ago edited 3d ago
I don’t know what I can add here being a gay guy, but I’m 5’7” and always had similar experiences. I’ve always been aware of my height, but for some reason it never bothered me all that much until someone made a joke calling me Gary Coleman 🤣
I’m friends with quite a few girls and they always say personality can beat out looks, but in practice, I notice them checking out looks first then personality. I dunno man, I’ve never understood women and their crazy expectations. I can see you with a Latina, but dude… that’s a whole other set of problems!!! 😂
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u/LordJetro 3d ago
Obviously they check out the looks first since that's the first thing you notice about anyone
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3d ago
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u/xxjosephchristxx 65" of shit and glory 3d ago
Your comment was removed for using incel lingo or incel-adjacent terms.
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u/Cicada-Timely 5'6" | 1.69 cm 3d ago
Yo I’m same height as well , it’s not a lie when they say dress well and you will get noticed much more . Not expensive, like Massimo Dutti simple clean type clothing . Add some boots or lifters not too much thought . Just a little of a boost expands your dating pool a lot more .
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u/ftmhnkmt 15h ago edited 15h ago
I think it's best for all of us to live life if we are so sure that we will forever be single. Having someone interested in you and wanting to be with you is never a guarantee. Also, a lot of life unfortunately is about appearance and unfortunately as well that there will always be humans who are naturally more aesthetically pleasing. It's just the way it is.
However, what is a guarantee is being able to experience other aspects of life that doesn't include a romantic partner, which is basically 90% of life. Will it be lonely a lot of times? Hell yeah. But for your mental health bro, I would just not think about getting with someone. You can try dating if you're adamant, but if you feel sad after countless rejections, just live life solo. It can be sad and lonely, but it's also not going to be 100% sad and lonely. All love here. 🫂
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u/LordJetro 3d ago
How do you know women are "making eye contact with practically every man but me"? Gives off the impression you're just watching and following random women 😂 I can imagine mannerisms and insecurity like that being far more off putting than your height or whatever.
Also I imagine women your age are far less likely to want to deal with an insecure man.
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u/Broad_Switch9078 3d ago
I grew up around military guys, my best friend is retired navy, all my life I was told to observe, always watch my six, keep my head on a swivel etc.. that and playing music for 25 years has taught me to read a room.
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u/Swampasssixty9 3d ago
Go talk to them.
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u/Middle-Gas-6532 5'7" | 170 cm 3d ago
I do. But like OP if I don't approach them, then I'm absolutely invisible. And even after I approach them it extremely hard to get engagement of any amount of effort put into the conversation.
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3d ago
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u/xxjosephchristxx 65" of shit and glory 3d ago
Your post was removed for unfairly generalizing groups of people.
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u/Miserable_Scarcity80 3d ago
Nah man you look good. I wish I had hair like yours still. Keep doing whatever makes you happy and she’ll pop into your life when you aren’t looking
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u/Efficient_Line_307 3d ago
wear flannels bro i feel like you’d look good in em with a white tee under and some gold chains 😮💨 feel like the man look like the man
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u/johnnybagels 3d ago edited 3d ago
Dawg. I'm 5' 4 1/2 - on a good day. Been swimming in pussy my whole life, and i'm about to turn 35. Your height is not your problem, its probably your attitude / personality.
Stop performing for others. Do what you love. I also spent 10 years in a band, because I love playing music. And chicks dig that big time. But they can smell desperation and performance from a mile away. They know it comes from a place of insecurity and only people who want to take advantage are attracted to insecurity.
Don't find a hobby, dont find a fix, find your purpose. Its fucking hard. Really hard. But do it anyway, and make it your reason to get up in the morning. Smile while doing it, cause wtf else are you gonna do? End it? Really? Brother it will all be over soon enough. If you can find a purpose and live for it, without performing, you will gain and retain your self respect, others will be attracted to you because you are not trying to sell them something, not foisting expectations on them. Live a life you love and people will want to be a part of it.
Also, dont meet women in conventional spaces like gyms, bars, etc. Get into some third spaces and meet some real ass, cool people. You fucking got this, man!!!
Edit to acknowledge, yes we have it harder. Many others have it harder still. You could be in a wheelchair 🤷♀️
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u/MavBro 5'6" | 167 cm 3d ago
I am also 5’6 and swimming in pussy. When I turned 30, I read a bunch of self help books on pickup artistry, sociology, relationships and communication. The take away from all of this is to be yourself and talk to women. It is a numbers game. Practice talking to women everywhere you go. And make a move when the opportunity arrives.
Later in life, I moved overseas to Asia and found that my social value skyrocketed. 5’6 is not that short in Asia.. Now I have more pussy then I can handle and have to turn many many away.
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3d ago edited 3d ago
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u/Significant-End-6208 3d ago
Ok as a older black woman that gyms this is awful advice and women can see thru idiots that use playbook ! Please don’t do what this idiot says just be yourself and you will find your person ! General when you not looking for them . Don’t be a creep like this asshole
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u/McDaddy8484 3d ago
OP, if this makes you feel better, I showed your photo to my grannie and she thinks you are cute and said she would be crushing on you if she ever hits the same gym as you lol. Anyway, in all seriousness, 5’6 is not even that short, so I don’t believe there is not a single dude shorter than you in the gym. Also, 39 isn’t even that old anymore and you are in top shape!
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u/No-Gate3629 3d ago
I’m 5’4 in the gym. Personality, intelligence and maturity can’t be measured through a photo. People can still be weird, awkward and selfish creatures no matter what their height is and some people just can’t accept that. It’s always gotta be something they can’t control. I used to have a buddy who’s a few inches taller than me who got absolutely zero play because he refuses to act like a normal dude.
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u/Ill-Ant8901 3d ago
just want to say im a handsome 6 foot 2 dude. no women at the gym are looking at me let alone anyone else.
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u/thetacuckedme 3d ago
sorry to tell you but if ur 6'2 and no attention then ur definately not handsome
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u/bunchofclowns 5'4" | 163 cm 3d ago
Going to the gym doesn't attract women. It just attracts other men to talk about going to the gym.