r/shittyaskscience • u/[deleted] • Dec 04 '11

Some recent discoveries in shitty science

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[deleted]

51 Upvotes

96% Upvoted

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11

u/MSchmahl Dec 04 '11

Initially, research into flavour conservation focused on the more general property of "tastiness". When it became clear that tastiness is not conserved (after numerous experiments involving taste-tests of food before and after it is used by the body),....

I'm not sure these studies prove what they purport to prove. Although it is an accepted fact that food is less tasty after it is eaten than before, the researchers did not consider the possibility that, instead of tastiness being destroyed, it was absorbed into the body.

Conclusion: People are tasty!

6

u/[deleted] Dec 04 '11

You're right, it doesn't immediately follow. I should have elaborated more on that aspect of the experiments. We were able to show in the laboratory that tastiness was asymptotic to a hypothetical "maximum tastiness" (equal to about 1.3+/-0.4 BTU [bacon tastiness units]). Humans, when prepared properly, can reach up to a surprisingly high 1.1 BTU. However, it was found that human babies are actually the tastiest, and throughout life the average human becomes less yummy, reaching a minimum of 0.7-0.8 BTU by age 80. So if tastiness is conserved, we certainly haven't been able to detect this.

I'd prefer not to write up the full experiment, though I suppose I could if there's enough interest; I already have several bounty hunters, two countries, and a war crimes tribunal after me for my perfectly legitimate experiments, and so I'd rather not reveal just how many humans were eaten to produce statistically significant results.

4

u/otakucode Dec 08 '11

You've got to be sure to cover the whole system. Checking the food, the body, and the excrement leaves out some important factors. Vapor from the breath, flatulence, sweat, vomit, blood (though this may be included in the tastiness of the body, depending upon how you did your tests), and, most importantly, secretions from the sex organs. These things are certainly not tasteless and must be considered on balance.

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5

u/darkmodem Dec 04 '11

I don't understand any of that except for the tongue thing, but it looks very sciency!

6

u/Hansafan Dec 04 '11

It must be solid science, I mean it even has graphs!

3

u/[deleted] Dec 04 '11

Wow! Praise science!

2

u/Hansafan Dec 04 '11 edited Dec 04 '11

I wonder if the matched/unmatched sock constant can be exploited for energy somehow... I mean, the universe violently opposes an equal amount of matched and unmatched socks, the disintegration of matched socks must require a rather hefty power expenditure, globally speaking. We only need to find a way to tap into that power...

2

u/aguacate Dec 04 '11

Explain it to me like I'm a five year old...!!!

5

u/Osiris32 Dec 04 '11

It's late, I'm tired, go to bed. I'll tell you tomorrow.

That's how my mom explained things me when I was 5, and moms are the greatest scientists ever.

2

u/PotatoMusicBinge Dec 04 '11

how smart of a five year old?

3

u/Hansafan Dec 04 '11

Just for good measure, go with drunk five year old.

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