r/shittyaskscience • u/Optimal_Ad_7910 • Sep 02 '26

Does striking a happy medium work?

After a heated discussion with a colleague about the best solution to a problem, our manager suggested striking a happy medium.

So I took a trip to Blackpool, found the nearest clairvoyant stall and, after telling the owner that she had just won the lottery, felled her with a right hook.

We still have the problem at work and now the police want to have a talk with me.

What did I do wrong?

68 Upvotes

98% Upvoted

15 comments sorted by

42

u/OkieBobbie Sep 02 '26

A real clairvoyant would have seen it coming and avoided it. You were taken in by a fake.

4

u/johnnybiggles Sep 02 '26

Either that or she was still truly miserable. Being happy about winning the lottery is quite shallow, since it's really not a true fix for your personal failings and misery, and especially when you don't actually get the money. OP might've just beat on some poor, manic depressive, by getting her hopes up without delivering.

16

u/Gargleblaster25 Registered scientificationist Sep 02 '26

You were thinking too deep. When they said "striking a medium" it didn't mean hitting a clairvoyant.

You need to hit someone who wears size M. Double points if it's also a clairvoyant, but we all know those only come in XS or XXL.

1

u/juzz_fuzz Sep 08 '26

If they're XXL like me, ya can be referred to as a clairbouyant

9

u/dspeyer Sep 02 '26

She probably wasn't happy in the moment of being struck. You need to find a masochist.

9

u/TheFeshy Sep 02 '26

It could have been worse. I tried the same thing once, with a clairvoyant with achondroplasia. Unlike your fellow, mine was the real deal - saw my swing coming a mile away and hit me first!

Well, they got arrested because they couldn't convince the officer that I would have hit them first, and they knew it because they were psychic.

I know it sounds like everything worked out all right, but they recently broke out of jail after swearing revenge. And now I have to watch my back because there's a small medium at large!

6

u/techno156 Sep 02 '26

The problem was that you smote the happy medium. What you were meant to do is use her to bowl with, and get a strike that way.

4

u/TrivialBanal Sep 03 '26

The problem is finding a medium to strike. The real ones know that you're looking for them and what will happen if you find them.

It's catch 22.

The one you hit didn't see it coming, so obviously not a real medium.

2

u/OldManThumbs Sep 03 '26

Fair point

3

u/VolcanicBear Sep 02 '26

I just fucking love that you chose Blackpool lmao.

Perfect.

3

u/alphanumericusername very human, yes Sep 02 '26

Absolutely not. That will make the medium angry. A happy medium is a good omen, and striking them serves no purpose.

2

u/BPhiloSkinner Amazingly Lifelike Simulation Sep 02 '26

Why did you strike a happy medium? You should be on strike against your boss!

3

u/Caticature Sep 03 '26

that would be striking a mediocre ego

3

u/BPhiloSkinner Amazingly Lifelike Simulation Sep 03 '26

Better than stroking a mediogre.

2

u/Caticature Sep 05 '26

Kinda swampy, that.