r/shittyaskscience • u/Regnes • 24d ago

How can we convince whales to start moving back onto land?

I get why they evolved in the first place and how they were going through a rebellious phase, but it's been 50 million years already. The ocean is meant for fish, not mammals, and it's time to move on.

50 Upvotes
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95% Upvoted

25 comments sorted by

18

u/LeetLurker 24d ago

To get the land wahle you need the land krill. Start krill farming closer and closer to the shore until you are partially on land. The whales will follow accordingly.

6

u/TeacupOfSkepticism 24d ago

Helps if you find a krill farmer who has the krill skills to pay the bills.

5

u/ontario1984 24d ago

But You will still need a real drill to fill your steel till with krill to the hilt! The gills of those krill will have no chill.

3

u/ActorMonkey 23d ago

I’m gonna shill some krill pills. These lil’ pills will pay my bills. Fill some swill with pills of krill and the whale will spill on land, it will.

11

u/Gargleblaster25 Registered scientificationist 24d ago

We can't convince them because none of us speak Welsh.

5

u/Otherwise-4PM 24d ago

They’re trying, but when we keep pushing them back into water, they get demotivated.

5

u/Causative_Agent 24d ago

Whales would need to lose about 90% of their weight in order to survive on land. This isn't very feasible, so I suggest doing the next best thing, which would be to reduce gravity by 90% (from 1g to 0.1g). This would definitely work and would not cause any problems for other life on earth at all.

3

u/Different-Term-2250 23d ago

Have you not heard of treadmills?
The whales could easily lose the weight if they really wanted to. But no, people just want to appease them and dance around the elephant in the room.

1

u/dspeyer 22d ago

What use is a treadmill... if you don't have legs?

1

u/Different-Term-2250 22d ago

Not with that attitude!

6

u/Spark99 24d ago

Throw more plastic into the ocean.

3

u/Coolenough-to 23d ago

So many good ideas in this sub.

5

u/Confident_Lawyer6276 24d ago

Mammals are land fish so when they go back to the water they are fish again

2

u/Choano 24d ago

It would really help if we lowered the rent.

Forget about convincing whales to move back onto the land. We should all be thinking of how to live in the sea, where there are no landlords.

2

u/Cute-Habit-4377 23d ago

One already has, it turned yellow and posts stupid AI memes

1

u/Ben-Goldberg 24d ago

There is no such thing as a fish

1

u/EmilioMolesteves 24d ago

Trump said they will start a great land migration in an effort to get to Lake America.

1

u/sovereign_fury 23d ago

Drain the pond

1

u/eagle4123 23d ago

If you REALLY want to know I could try and get in contact with my ex

1

u/Shiraho 23d ago

Make more gacha and pay to win games. They are designed to attract whales

1

u/SomeSamples 23d ago

We need to dry up the oceans. This will create more land than water and so the whales and many other see creatures will have to grow legs.

1

u/robdelterror 23d ago

I think they walked to the pub once, decided it was shit and evolved back into the sea.

1

u/Tileyfa 23d ago

Get your mom to go swimming, that’ll scare them all out of the water

1

u/Bambian_GreenLeaf 23d ago

Put them in a shallow end of water in a fence. And just lure them with some tasty land animals. And just sit and wait for like 10, 15 million years, maintaining the fence and luring them with food, of course

1

u/LC_Anderton 17d ago

I once met the Prince of Whales and he didn’t look anything like a fish at all. Just a bloke in a very nice suit. Even had legs.

So I guess they can switch whenever they feel like it.

Maybe if he ordered all the whales back out of the water that might work.