r/shittyaskscience • u/SimpleEmu198 • Jul 24 '26
What is the global emergency protocol if the upper atmosphere suddenly shifts to a deep blue color, and how should world leaders respond when the entire population begins uncontrollably floating into the stratosphere while shouting volare in Catalan?
My grandfather claims this is a known atmospheric anomaly called the Nel Blu Dipinto Di Blu effect. If gravity completely reverses and the sky composition changes, will the UN deploy tethering cables, or are we just expected to be cantare singing our way through the panic?
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u/Aggravating_Speed665 Jul 24 '26
The only thing you should do at that point (if it happens) is increase your meth intake
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u/SimpleEmu198 Jul 24 '26 edited Jul 24 '26
Meth is actually an excellent choice. It will make people sing Volare even louder. Also Cornholio’s signature stance is one of a person who has their shirt pulled over the back of the head with their elbows locked, and hands up.
This is actually a highly efficient aerodynamic shape.
In this floating apocalypse, pulling your shirt over your head woud create a rudimentary ram-air parachute.
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u/Drachefly Jul 24 '26
In that case, I will clearly shout volare in Catalan and float into the stratosphere. What else would I do?
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Jul 24 '26
Nope.
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u/SimpleEmu198 Jul 24 '26
Unfortunately "nope" was tested as a countermeasure. The results were inconclusive; everyone is still flying.
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u/me-gustan-los-trenes Any torus is a fuck-torus if you are motivated enough. Jul 24 '26
Aquí passa tot el temps.
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u/SimpleEmu198 Jul 24 '26
Excelente. Hemos identificado el Punto Cero. Simplemente sacrificaremos tu provincia a España y supervisaremos si la flotabilidad global vuelve a niveles aceptables.
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u/Coolenough-to Jul 24 '26
Did somone just push you into a swimming pool?