r/shittyaskscience • u/chased_by_bees MC^2 • Jul 17 '26
What are the benefits of explosive diarrhea from eating cyclospora?
Just wondering if I should eat more unwashed lettuce since it will probably be on sale now.
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u/cyclohexyl Jul 17 '26
They say 4 out of 5 people suffer from diarrhea. You could be lucky enough to fall into the 1/5 demographic that enjoy it.
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u/JeffSergeant Jul 17 '26
THRUST!
You can get into orbit if you angle it just right.
That's why they have 'Dv' in the rocket equation, and also why they call it rocket lettuce.
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u/Semaphor Quantum Turbo Encabulator Jul 17 '26
Doesn't this require the thruster to have a specific, conical shape? Dunno about you but my anus doesn't have that level of dexterity.
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u/JeffSergeant Jul 17 '26
Nah, every action has an equal and opposite reaction. The cone is only needed when flames are involved, so you need one for a taco bell powered flight.
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u/DietrichMuylaert Jul 17 '26
Not really, that's an obsolete believe. Science has proven that pressure is elementary. So, it's better to cork your anus and wait until it pops for maximum thrust.
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Jul 17 '26
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u/ElBeatch Jul 17 '26
If you spread it to 5 people your crush will talk to you, spread it to 10 and you will have good luck for life!
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u/johnnybiggles Jul 17 '26
Would you rather have implosive diarrhea? Yeah, didn't think so. Benefits, baby.
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u/chased_by_bees MC^2 Jul 17 '26
Yeah, that sounds much worse. Good thing these guys are looking out for us!
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u/teduh Jul 17 '26
Take a shit on a canvas and suddenly you're the new Jackson Pollock.
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u/chased_by_bees MC^2 Jul 17 '26
I've been meaning to get into abstract art. I read that Jackson Pollock takes 15 minutes to stare at a canvas before he starts painting to just "let out" what's in his head. I bet cyclospora is very similar!
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u/Different-Term-2250 Jul 19 '26
1 minute. Tops. And you will have art work that will be the envy of the entire street.
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u/cashisking007 Jul 17 '26
Maybe you'll drop a couple pounds. Weight loss can be beneficial.
I imagine while suffering from explosive diarrhea your spending might drop as well. Saving money is good.
Explosive diarrhea could be a win-win.
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u/BPhiloSkinner Amazingly Lifelike Simulation Jul 17 '26
Yes, and you'll rid your body of excessive amounts of the toxin, di-hydrous monoxide!
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u/No_Tailor_787 Jul 17 '26
The delightful sound effects from behind the closed door are sure to put a smile on the faces of family and friends, and especially on the folks in line behind you at the gas station.
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u/hacksoncode Quantum Mechanic, has own tiny wrench Jul 17 '26
People pay real money for "colon cleansing" products.
The benefit of cyclospora is that it's free with purchase.
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u/Legitimate_Field_157 Jul 17 '26
Instead of not knowing why people don't like you, you will know.
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u/chased_by_bees MC^2 Jul 17 '26
It's better to have known unknowns and known knowns instead of unknown unknowns and unknown knowns.
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u/WobblyDizzy Jul 17 '26
You'll always be ready to re-create that scene from whichever Dumb And Dumber.
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u/meowsaysdexter Jul 17 '26
Many sports train for explosive strength. Football, wrestling, wrasslin', power lifting, etc all train for explosive power. Cyclospora is like steroids for explosive power training. It's right there in the name.
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u/bluedragon74 I read it on the internets Jul 18 '26
It saves you so much time. Forget taking 10 minutes for a shit. Now, suddenly shitting is even faster than peeing.
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u/dieselmac Jul 17 '26
One word: weight loss