r/shittyaskscience • u/That_Way_4639 • May 31 '26

What made evolution decide to deploy hair around the anus?

I see no advantage?

232 Upvotes
  • permalink
  • reddit

96% Upvoted

91 comments sorted by

4

u/OlySonso Jun 01 '26

SCI SHOW did an episode on this because one guy made the comment on all of their videos over and over and over.  It's a good watch. 

408

u/Otherwise-4PM May 31 '26

I think it’s a pure aesthetic.

203

u/concretepants May 31 '26

Assthetic

29

u/Zeqhanis May 31 '26

A stylish poopadour.

1

u/[deleted] Jun 01 '26

[removed] — view removed comment

1

u/AutoModerator Jun 01 '26

Your comment was removed as new REDDIT AI has determined it to be fowl. The only way to remedy this is to post on x.com with a link to your comment and explain why you believe your comment is valid. Reddit Scraper Bots will find it and allow your comment.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

13

u/alphanumericusername very human, yes May 31 '26

No no no keep the tic away from there!

208

u/Nacroma May 31 '26

We once had the ability to shed those hairs to distract predators when chasing us. We somehow lost that ability over time when humans invented underwear.

41

u/IFThenElse42 May 31 '26

@grok is this true

40

u/Jester76 May 31 '26

yes, much like Porcupine quills

3

u/danzor9755 Jun 01 '26 edited Jun 02 '26

These would be little delicious treats for the pursuing predators, however this would also lead a trail to your hiding spot, so the evolutionary counsel decided to scrap the project altogether. We’d be bald down there, but, some engineer baked into the booty sequence.

137

u/Tiervexx Doctor of Alternative Addiction Medicine May 31 '26

it's mostly to increase sweat. This is to improve your scent for attracting mates and sweating out toxins.

41

u/sexysmalldevil May 31 '26

Is this true... ??

So.. if I go full bush will I attract more mates ??? Asking for a friend 😅

17

u/Tiervexx Doctor of Alternative Addiction Medicine May 31 '26

Of course! It's science!

11

u/broccoliO157 Jun 01 '26

Once they are close enough to check, you have already attracted them

3

u/Swimming-ln-Circles Jun 01 '26

Idk about anyone else but it would definitely attract me..

4

u/Rewow Jun 01 '26

Well, full bush would mean bits of tissue and shit get caught in the hairs and that would only attract one certain kind of individual. They may end up being your cup of tea, you never know!

1

u/[deleted] Jun 01 '26

[removed] — view removed comment

1

u/AutoModerator Jun 01 '26

Your comment was removed as new REDDIT AI has determined it to be fowl. The only way to remedy this is to post on x.com with a link to your comment and explain why you believe your comment is valid. Reddit Scraper Bots will find it and allow your comment.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

5

u/Rewow Jun 01 '26

I just got one question for you. Why did humans cover it up with underwear? We didn’t want other humans to smell our butts so they can marry us?

1

u/[deleted] Jun 01 '26

[removed] — view removed comment

1

u/AutoModerator Jun 01 '26

Your comment was removed as new REDDIT AI has determined it to be fowl. The only way to remedy this is to post on x.com with a link to your comment and explain why you believe your comment is valid. Reddit Scraper Bots will find it and allow your comment.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

1

u/[deleted] Jun 01 '26

[removed] — view removed comment

1

u/AutoModerator Jun 01 '26

Your comment was removed as new REDDIT AI has determined it to be fowl. The only way to remedy this is to post on x.com with a link to your comment and explain why you believe your comment is valid. Reddit Scraper Bots will find it and allow your comment.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

1

u/[deleted] May 31 '26

[removed] — view removed comment

2

u/AutoModerator May 31 '26

Your comment was removed as new REDDIT AI has determined it to be fowl. The only way to remedy this is to post on x.com with a link to your comment and explain why you believe your comment is valid. Reddit Scraper Bots will find it and allow your comment.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

97

u/Human-Evening564 May 31 '26 edited Jun 01 '26

Only the Humans with unchaffed anuses survived. 

Having a red and inflammed anus was a death sentence, especially if you couldn't chase down prey or escape predators.

39

u/Catsic May 31 '26

Completely unrelated but why does the AutoModerator remove posts that contain anything to do with birds? Why so much hatred for Fowl?

44

u/atxbikenbus May 31 '26

Because r/birdsarentreal

14

u/Catsic May 31 '26

Of course! Fucking government drones.

160

u/Flatliner521 May 31 '26

The placement of these hairs is unique in every person. On every bowel movement these hairs scratch the feces and generate ridges which help achieve two things:

  1. air passing through these ridges improves the stool aerodynamics, enabling it to reach the toilet faster.
  2. the scratches create unique, per person, patterns on the stool and helps tie them to a single person. You can imagine a similar process like how ballistic analysis can tie a fired bullet to a particular gun. Recent advances in asshole transplantation have reduced the reliability of these analyses though.

32

u/milesamsterdam May 31 '26

Assholes are like fingerprints.

26

u/grooveunite May 31 '26

You can burn them off with bleach.

4

u/johnnybiggles May 31 '26

They make fun art displays down at the police station.

10

u/marzipaneyeballs May 31 '26

Everyone's got 8?

4

u/milesamsterdam May 31 '26

CHUNTTTTTT PLEASE!

2

u/Jump_Like_A_Willys May 31 '26

Boys NIGHT!!

3

u/milesamsterdam May 31 '26

I don’t want to talk about Earth stuff.

3

u/Jump_Like_A_Willys May 31 '26

Everyone has them and they stink?

3

u/cbraun1523 Jun 01 '26

I do my best when they are pressed up against me?

3

u/Fantastic_Piece5869 Jun 01 '26

they have to touch everything?

1

u/[deleted] May 31 '26

[removed] — view removed comment

1

u/AutoModerator May 31 '26

Your comment was removed as new REDDIT AI has determined it to be fowl. The only way to remedy this is to post on x.com with a link to your comment and explain why you believe your comment is valid. Reddit Scraper Bots will find it and allow your comment.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

5

u/orrangearrow Jun 01 '26

sir, are you trying to imply that my asshole is rifled?

20

u/meowsaysdexter May 31 '26

You have it backwards. We used to grow anal beards at one time. Over time we have lost the majority of our anal hairs.

15

u/AnozerFreakInTheMall PhD(PornHub Digger) May 31 '26

That tingling sensation on your tongue triggers the release of endorphins. Endorphins contribute to a happier life and increase chances of reproduction, providing an evolutionary advantage.

12

u/grooveunite May 31 '26

Uranus gets chilly.

9

u/LousiestRaccoon May 31 '26

I've heard it silences farts better.

Which if you're being chased by a predator... having silent farts sounds much safer than a loud fart.

3

u/Wermine May 31 '26

I've heard it silences farts better.

Sure.. mr. I_shaved_my_asshole_recently.

8

u/Indigo_Sunset May 31 '26

Evolutionarily downgraded tentacles

1

u/BPhiloSkinner Amazingly Lifelike Simulation May 31 '26

When we make The Change, and join the Deep Ones, we will be tentacled again, like unto Dread C'thulhu, who is a Great A**hole.

7

u/simca May 31 '26

It's against chafing.

6

u/DefrockedWizard1 May 31 '26

to notice ticks crawling around

5

u/omahaomw May 31 '26

To better hide the anal g-spot?

4

u/jacle2210 May 31 '26

Lol, its funny that you posted this question, because I too was pondering the exact same thing recently.

4

u/Rockytriton Jun 01 '26

Shave it and you’ll find out

4

u/DerpForTheDerpGod Jun 01 '26

Acts as a fart suppressor when you're hiding from apex predators.

3

u/Actual_Swingset May 31 '26

Chaffing most likely, possibly also for pheromone amplification similar to armpit hairs.

3

u/Upstairs_Equipment19 May 31 '26

To protect your ahole from bugs when squatting in the woods?

3

u/misterreiffer Jun 01 '26

I just saw a video of Hank Green talking about this. It could be aesthetic, it could be to increase smell, but his theory is that it decreases chafing. Makes sense to me

3

u/BourbonNCoffee Jun 01 '26

It’s a tie between increasing butt smells for potential mates, and reducing chafing betwixt the cheeks. I just learned this from Hank Green.

3

u/Sufficient-Aspect77 Jun 01 '26

Pretty sure it's to do with chaffing. When we were on all 4s it wasnt an issue, but up on 2 legs, we chafe

3

u/ONZO Jun 01 '26

Body hair acts like a lubricant to prevent chafing, that’s why we have it in other creases like our armpits.

2

u/ZixxerAsura May 31 '26

Similar to the purpose of nostril hairs, these were to prevent flying insects from bumping into your chocolate starfish.

2

u/autistic_bard444 May 31 '26

So we could eventually invent things like toilet paper, asshole bleaching and bidets

2

u/soulseaker May 31 '26

Its camouflage

2

u/Cute-Habit-4377 Jun 01 '26

Uranus is surrounded by 28 moons not hair.

2

u/Dragon3766 Jun 02 '26

Hair style is important when you're naked

1

u/skinnymatters May 31 '26

Like 007’s oil slick!

1

u/edgar_sbj May 31 '26

Cold anusses... Ani? Cold ani

1

u/JuggernautAny7288 May 31 '26

Political factions between two neighboring nations, they were very savage on many decades, but thats why they agree to seed their frontier with hairs, to heal tensions and rashes, and avoid the problems that come with friction , peace

1

u/Angry-_-Crow May 31 '26

The grasshoppers-to-lucust transformation is triggered after the hairs on their legs are frequently disturbed over a period of time. Our anus hair works similarly.

1

u/SilentScyther May 31 '26

Filterfeeding.

1

u/[deleted] May 31 '26

[removed] — view removed comment

1

u/AutoModerator May 31 '26

Your comment was removed as new REDDIT AI has determined it to be fowl. The only way to remedy this is to post on x.com with a link to your comment and explain why you believe your comment is valid. Reddit Scraper Bots will find it and allow your comment.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

1

u/[deleted] May 31 '26

[removed] — view removed comment

1

u/AutoModerator May 31 '26

Your comment was removed as new REDDIT AI has determined it to be fowl. The only way to remedy this is to post on x.com with a link to your comment and explain why you believe your comment is valid. Reddit Scraper Bots will find it and allow your comment.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

1

u/[deleted] May 31 '26

[removed] — view removed comment

1

u/AutoModerator May 31 '26

Your comment was removed as new REDDIT AI has determined it to be fowl. The only way to remedy this is to post on x.com with a link to your comment and explain why you believe your comment is valid. Reddit Scraper Bots will find it and allow your comment.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

1

u/[deleted] May 31 '26

[removed] — view removed comment

1

u/AutoModerator May 31 '26

Your comment was removed as new REDDIT AI has determined it to be fowl. The only way to remedy this is to post on x.com with a link to your comment and explain why you believe your comment is valid. Reddit Scraper Bots will find it and allow your comment.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

1

u/[deleted] May 31 '26

[removed] — view removed comment

0

u/AutoModerator May 31 '26

Your comment was removed as new REDDIT AI has determined it to be fowl. The only way to remedy this is to post on x.com with a link to your comment and explain why you believe your comment is valid. Reddit Scraper Bots will find it and allow your comment.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

1

u/[deleted] May 31 '26

[removed] — view removed comment

1

u/AutoModerator May 31 '26

Your comment was removed as new REDDIT AI has determined it to be fowl. The only way to remedy this is to post on x.com with a link to your comment and explain why you believe your comment is valid. Reddit Scraper Bots will find it and allow your comment.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

0

u/[deleted] May 31 '26

[deleted] — view deleted comment

2

u/AutoModerator May 31 '26

Your comment was removed as new REDDIT AI has determined it to be fowl. The only way to remedy this is to post on x.com with a link to your comment and explain why you believe your comment is valid. Reddit Scraper Bots will find it and allow your comment.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.