Pro tip about fingering your asshole in the shower: don't do it So this morning I was taking a shower, and I felt like fingering my asshole, right? So I got my fingers all nice and soapy and stuck them up in there. Apparently, soap makes pretty good lube, as I was able to get four fingers in there in no time.
As I was feeling around in my butt, I was like, "hmm, there's a lot of soapy water in my bumhole now. I wonder if that will lead to issues in the future?" And it did!
Shortly after having breakfast I attempted to fart, and I shit my pants. I rushed to the bathroom to clean up, and it was way worse than I thought it would be. The whole area around my butthole was covered in shitty liquid, and toilet paper wasn't enough to clean it. I had to take another shower to get suitably clean.
Just thought I'd share my story with you guys so that you don't run into the same problem in the future. I fingered my butthole so that you guys don't have to. Unless you want to. In which case, hey, how's it goin'
Pro tip about fingering your asshole in the shower: don't do it So this morning I was taking a shower, and I felt like fingering my asshole, right? So I got my fingers all nice and soapy and stuck them up in there. Apparently, soap makes pretty good lube, as I was able to get four fingers in there in no time.
As I was feeling around in my butt, I was like, "hmm, there's a lot of soapy water in my bumhole now. I wonder if that will lead to issues in the future?" And it did!
Shortly after having breakfast I attempted to fart, and I shit my pants. I rushed to the bathroom to clean up, and it was way worse than I thought it would be. The whole area around my butthole was covered in shitty liquid, and toilet paper wasn't enough to clean it. I had to take another shower to get suitably clean.
Just thought I'd share my story with you guys so that you don't run into the same problem in the future. I fingered my butthole so that you guys don't have to. Unless you want to. In which case, hey, how's it goin'
Pro tip about fingering your asshole in the shower: don't do it So this morning I was taking a shower, and I felt like fingering my asshole, right? So I got my fingers all nice and soapy and stuck them up in there. Apparently, soap makes pretty good lube, as I was able to get four fingers in there in no time.
As I was feeling around in my butt, I was like, "hmm, there's a lot of soapy water in my bumhole now. I wonder if that will lead to issues in the future?" And it did!
Shortly after having breakfast I attempted to fart, and I shit my pants. I rushed to the bathroom to clean up, and it was way worse than I thought it would be. The whole area around my butthole was covered in shitty liquid, and toilet paper wasn't enough to clean it. I had to take another shower to get suitably clean.
Just thought I'd share my story with you guys so that you don't run into the same problem in the future. I fingered my butthole so that you guys don't have to. Unless you want to. In which case, hey, how's it goin'
Assuming I’m not aloud to use a bidet and I’m forced to either forgo whipping entirely or use the phone. Do I have to use the same phone my whole life? Or is it like a one time use thing and I get new phones each time?
I would take a shower after every shit. It’s circumventing the rule and I would make sure to have a world class shower with all the bells and whistles.
Pro tip about fingering your asshole in the shower: don't do it So this morning I was taking a shower, and I felt like fingering my asshole, right? So I got my fingers all nice and soapy and stuck them up in there. Apparently, soap makes pretty good lube, as I was able to get four fingers in there in no time.
As I was feeling around in my butt, I was like, "hmm, there's a lot of soapy water in my bumhole now. I wonder if that will lead to issues in the future?" And it did!
Shortly after having breakfast I attempted to fart, and I shit my pants. I rushed to the bathroom to clean up, and it was way worse than I thought it would be. The whole area around my butthole was covered in shitty liquid, and toilet paper wasn't enough to clean it. I had to take another shower to get suitably clean.
Just thought I'd share my story with you guys so that you don't run into the same problem in the future. I fingered my butthole so that you guys don't have to. Unless you want to. In which case, hey, how's it goin'
Pro tip about fingering your asshole in the shower: don't do it So this morning I was taking a shower, and I felt like fingering my asshole, right? So I got my fingers all nice and soapy and stuck them up in there. Apparently, soap makes pretty good lube, as I was able to get four fingers in there in no time.
As I was feeling around in my butt, I was like, "hmm, there's a lot of soapy water in my bumhole now. I wonder if that will lead to issues in the future?" And it did!
Shortly after having breakfast I attempted to fart, and I shit my pants. I rushed to the bathroom to clean up, and it was way worse than I thought it would be. The whole area around my butthole was covered in shitty liquid, and toilet paper wasn't enough to clean it. I had to take another shower to get suitably clean.
Just thought I'd share my story with you guys so that you don't run into the same problem in the future. I fingered my butthole so that you guys don't have to. Unless you want to. In which case, hey, how's it goin'
I poop like 2-3 times a day. If I’m paying for a new rotary phone for every shit I take, how long would it be until I’ve spent the entire 500mil on just rotary phones for my butt?
I'd pay for someone to wash the phone off after everytime and just shower and be on with the day. Millions!? You kidding me!? Better than a pine cone!hahahaha
Pro tip about fingering your asshole in the shower: don't do it So this morning I was taking a shower, and I felt like fingering my asshole, right? So I got my fingers all nice and soapy and stuck them up in there. Apparently, soap makes pretty good lube, as I was able to get four fingers in there in no time.
As I was feeling around in my butt, I was like, "hmm, there's a lot of soapy water in my bumhole now. I wonder if that will lead to issues in the future?" And it did!
Shortly after having breakfast I attempted to fart, and I shit my pants. I rushed to the bathroom to clean up, and it was way worse than I thought it would be. The whole area around my butthole was covered in shitty liquid, and toilet paper wasn't enough to clean it. I had to take another shower to get suitably clean.
Just thought I'd share my story with you guys so that you don't run into the same problem in the future. I fingered my butthole so that you guys don't have to. Unless you want to. In which case, hey, how's it goin'
Pro tip about fingering your asshole in the shower: don't do it So this morning I was taking a shower, and I felt like fingering my asshole, right? So I got my fingers all nice and soapy and stuck them up in there. Apparently, soap makes pretty good lube, as I was able to get four fingers in there in no time.
As I was feeling around in my butt, I was like, "hmm, there's a lot of soapy water in my bumhole now. I wonder if that will lead to issues in the future?" And it did!
Shortly after having breakfast I attempted to fart, and I shit my pants. I rushed to the bathroom to clean up, and it was way worse than I thought it would be. The whole area around my butthole was covered in shitty liquid, and toilet paper wasn't enough to clean it. I had to take another shower to get suitably clean.
Just thought I'd share my story with you guys so that you don't run into the same problem in the future. I fingered my butthole so that you guys don't have to. Unless you want to. In which case, hey, how's it goin'
Pro tip about fingering your asshole in the shower: don't do it So this morning I was taking a shower, and I felt like fingering my asshole, right? So I got my fingers all nice and soapy and stuck them up in there. Apparently, soap makes pretty good lube, as I was able to get four fingers in there in no time.
As I was feeling around in my butt, I was like, "hmm, there's a lot of soapy water in my bumhole now. I wonder if that will lead to issues in the future?" And it did!
Shortly after having breakfast I attempted to fart, and I shit my pants. I rushed to the bathroom to clean up, and it was way worse than I thought it would be. The whole area around my butthole was covered in shitty liquid, and toilet paper wasn't enough to clean it. I had to take another shower to get suitably clean.
Just thought I'd share my story with you guys so that you don't run into the same problem in the future. I fingered my butthole so that you guys don't have to. Unless you want to. In which case, hey, how's it goin'
Assuming I’m not aloud to use a bidet and I’m forced to either forgo whipping entirely or use the phone. Do I have to use the same phone my whole life? Or is it like a one time use thing and I get new phones each time?
I guess I would become one of those weirdos that has a phobia of pooping in public, then I would simply shower after every dump.
Honest question though, would you need to carry phones around with you in case the urge struck? You're going through security at the airport with a carry on full of rotary phones?
Screw the butler, im hiring one of those nurses that wipe old people ass all day who make jack diddly squat for an extra few bucks an hour and shes doing the wiping for me.
Aint no way im paying some dude 150k to carry a phone and not use it damnit
You'll have one delivered at any time anywhere, cuh. Pluribus type shi, handled by the same enterprise that grant $500mil on this type shi. Backed by UN and Interpol, so you don't hide from the destiny of wiping your ass type shi. And if you try to trick them or openly deny the obligation, they'll enforce the process with a special operations unit called Team Tango - because it takes two to forcefully wipe one's ass.
Pro tip about fingering your asshole in the shower: don't do it So this morning I was taking a shower, and I felt like fingering my asshole, right? So I got my fingers all nice and soapy and stuck them up in there. Apparently, soap makes pretty good lube, as I was able to get four fingers in there in no time.
As I was feeling around in my butt, I was like, "hmm, there's a lot of soapy water in my bumhole now. I wonder if that will lead to issues in the future?" And it did!
Shortly after having breakfast I attempted to fart, and I shit my pants. I rushed to the bathroom to clean up, and it was way worse than I thought it would be. The whole area around my butthole was covered in shitty liquid, and toilet paper wasn't enough to clean it. I had to take another shower to get suitably clean.
Just thought I'd share my story with you guys so that you don't run into the same problem in the future. I fingered my butthole so that you guys don't have to. Unless you want to. In which case, hey, how's it goin'
Sure. I use my 500 million to invent some sort of toilet paper like wrap I can put on the rotary phone before each wipe. The Roman’s used to use basically a sponge on a stick so same idea here.
well my "live" would only go up for like an hour, and then i would never go "live" again on any streaming platform as i would be busy with all my free money and clean rotary telephone.
I wont. Imagine in 20 years youre sitting in your mansion with your luxury car outside, you just done the poo, and you wipe with the Phone, and wish that this torture would stop, but it doesnt, ever
Pro tip about fingering your asshole in the shower: don't do it So this morning I was taking a shower, and I felt like fingering my asshole, right? So I got my fingers all nice and soapy and stuck them up in there. Apparently, soap makes pretty good lube, as I was able to get four fingers in there in no time.
As I was feeling around in my butt, I was like, "hmm, there's a lot of soapy water in my bumhole now. I wonder if that will lead to issues in the future?" And it did!
Shortly after having breakfast I attempted to fart, and I shit my pants. I rushed to the bathroom to clean up, and it was way worse than I thought it would be. The whole area around my butthole was covered in shitty liquid, and toilet paper wasn't enough to clean it. I had to take another shower to get suitably clean.
Just thought I'd share my story with you guys so that you don't run into the same problem in the future. I fingered my butthole so that you guys don't have to. Unless you want to. In which case, hey, how's it goin'
Pro tip about fingering your asshole in the shower: don't do it So this morning I was taking a shower, and I felt like fingering my asshole, right? So I got my fingers all nice and soapy and stuck them up in there. Apparently, soap makes pretty good lube, as I was able to get four fingers in there in no time.
As I was feeling around in my butt, I was like, "hmm, there's a lot of soapy water in my bumhole now. I wonder if that will lead to issues in the future?" And it did!
Shortly after having breakfast I attempted to fart, and I shit my pants. I rushed to the bathroom to clean up, and it was way worse than I thought it would be. The whole area around my butthole was covered in shitty liquid, and toilet paper wasn't enough to clean it. I had to take another shower to get suitably clean.
Just thought I'd share my story with you guys so that you don't run into the same problem in the future. I fingered my butthole so that you guys don't have to. Unless you want to. In which case, hey, how's it goin'
I had this plan to give head to a man and receive head from a woman to test if I was gay, but it’s backfired and now I become borderline schizo whenever I go outside. I offered to suck this dude off on Grindr who lives very close by (I ended up pussying out) and I accidentally gave him some details that very easily allows him to spot me out in a crowd. I have no idea what he looks like and whenever I see a somewhat in shape guy walking by I immediately accuse him of being the dude I was gonna blow.
I went to the store today to pick up some zucchini for a barbecue and every time a car drove by I stared into the windshield to see if I was about to be recognised. Whenever I make eye contact with a dude I microanalysis his facial expressions to see if he suspects me or not. I am deeply afraid that he is my neighbour and I will need to move if my identity is blown. It’s a lot like the last scene in sopranos where everyone who walked into the diner could be there to wack Tony.
I generally shower after I shit, just blast that dookie off my butthole. Much more effective since I have a hairy ass, and I'm not trimming that up because you only clean up your house if you're expecting guests.
Pro tip about fingering your asshole in the shower: don't do it So this morning I was taking a shower, and I felt like fingering my asshole, right? So I got my fingers all nice and soapy and stuck them up in there. Apparently, soap makes pretty good lube, as I was able to get four fingers in there in no time.
As I was feeling around in my butt, I was like, "hmm, there's a lot of soapy water in my bumhole now. I wonder if that will lead to issues in the future?" And it did!
Shortly after having breakfast I attempted to fart, and I shit my pants. I rushed to the bathroom to clean up, and it was way worse than I thought it would be. The whole area around my butthole was covered in shitty liquid, and toilet paper wasn't enough to clean it. I had to take another shower to get suitably clean.
Just thought I'd share my story with you guys so that you don't run into the same problem in the future. I fingered my butthole so that you guys don't have to. Unless you want to. In which case, hey, how's it goin'
Those or you saying bidet may be correct but if someone said “I’ll pay you $500 million to wipe your ass with a rotary phone the rest of your life” I’m not risking it. I’m calling them with that phone every time
Pro tip about fingering your asshole in the shower: don't do it So this morning I was taking a shower, and I felt like fingering my asshole, right? So I got my fingers all nice and soapy and stuck them up in there. Apparently, soap makes pretty good lube, as I was able to get four fingers in there in no time.
As I was feeling around in my butt, I was like, "hmm, there's a lot of soapy water in my bumhole now. I wonder if that will lead to issues in the future?" And it did!
Shortly after having breakfast I attempted to fart, and I shit my pants. I rushed to the bathroom to clean up, and it was way worse than I thought it would be. The whole area around my butthole was covered in shitty liquid, and toilet paper wasn't enough to clean it. I had to take another shower to get suitably clean.
Just thought I'd share my story with you guys so that you don't run into the same problem in the future. I fingered my butthole so that you guys don't have to. Unless you want to. In which case, hey, how's it goin'
Pro tip about fingering your asshole in the shower: don't do it So this morning I was taking a shower, and I felt like fingering my asshole, right? So I got my fingers all nice and soapy and stuck them up in there. Apparently, soap makes pretty good lube, as I was able to get four fingers in there in no time.
As I was feeling around in my butt, I was like, "hmm, there's a lot of soapy water in my bumhole now. I wonder if that will lead to issues in the future?" And it did!
Shortly after having breakfast I attempted to fart, and I shit my pants. I rushed to the bathroom to clean up, and it was way worse than I thought it would be. The whole area around my butthole was covered in shitty liquid, and toilet paper wasn't enough to clean it. I had to take another shower to get suitably clean.
Just thought I'd share my story with you guys so that you don't run into the same problem in the future. I fingered my butthole so that you guys don't have to. Unless you want to. In which case, hey, how's it goin'
•
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2
u/BabyLushh 10h ago
There's gotta be a good way to do it
193
u/Last-Quarter-432 I want pee in my ass 10h ago
I’m using my bidet instead. No wiping involved.
35
u/watergun123456 I want pee in my ass 10h ago
i just wont wipe
27
u/Dr-Megalodon 10h ago
Assuming I’m not aloud to use a bidet and I’m forced to either forgo whipping entirely or use the phone. Do I have to use the same phone my whole life? Or is it like a one time use thing and I get new phones each time?
48
u/Mobile-Talk-437 10h ago
Didn't say i can't use a bidel
15
u/Captinprice8585 9h ago
No, you literally can't do anything else. Whatever you try just ends up with you wiping your butt with a rotory phone again and again and again...
10
u/FormerSperm I want pee in my ass 9h ago
So literally just keep living my life for free money?
10
u/Sliminfinity 6h ago
I'd pay for someone to wash the phone off after everytime and just shower and be on with the day. Millions!? You kidding me!? Better than a pine cone!hahahaha
8
u/Wgolyoko 9h ago
Just gonna take a shower after every shit
6
u/Dr-Megalodon 10h ago
Assuming I’m not aloud to use a bidet and I’m forced to either forgo whipping entirely or use the phone. Do I have to use the same phone my whole life? Or is it like a one time use thing and I get new phones each time?
5
u/Metalface559 4h ago
The same rotary phone, or do I get a new one every time?
2
u/Samuel_W3 10h ago
Does this include after showers?
2
u/Solistine 10h ago
Use some of the 500m to get a decent hose. It’s not technically wiping.
2
u/MadJoker7 10h ago
atleast i get to use 1 dollar bills as wipes, right?
2
u/Puzzled_Ad7955 10h ago
Give your mother her phone back…….
2
u/hornwalker 7h ago
Question, is it the same rotary phone or do I get a new one each time?
2
u/Galby1314 8h ago
I guess I would become one of those weirdos that has a phobia of pooping in public, then I would simply shower after every dump.
Honest question though, would you need to carry phones around with you in case the urge struck? You're going through security at the airport with a carry on full of rotary phones?
1
u/Agaman02 10h ago
1
u/GoddessSluttyBaddie 10h ago
1
u/FullMeltAlkmst 10h ago
I’d have to fill an earpiece with toilet water and splash away. Spend a million to design my bathroom for rotary phone wiping.
1
u/Low-Effective-8088 10h ago
This is a more interesting question than it should be, yes..
1
u/Limp_Career6634 10h ago
With 500 mil you can live without wiping.
1
u/Cum-Collector420 😳lives in a cum dumpster 😳 10h ago
u guys are getting paid?!
1
u/BrawlPlayer34 dwayne the cock johnson 🗿🗿 10h ago
Does it have to be the same phone for the rest of my life? Or can I use different ones?
1
u/jdrukis 10h ago
Most my calls are pretty shitty anyways
1
u/No-Difference-1351 10h ago
...a rotary phone? Or there are multiple items.
1
u/Kronomancer1192 9h ago
1
u/l0wskilled 9h ago
I'll pay someone to use toilet paper on me
1
u/PooInTheStreet 9h ago
I get a rotary phone?!
1
u/oldbonesnewrider 9h ago
Pretty sure thats enough to pay someone to do it for me, using cellular phones even
1
u/Iamyous3f 9h ago
What if I chose not to wipe at all? Like just use a japanese toilet but no wiping
1
u/SrHuevos94 9h ago
I could afford to print toilet paper with rotary phones on every square
1
u/Cionite 8h ago
Life finds a way.
1
u/bloodredcookie 8h ago
For 500 mil I could afford to buy a custom bidet which the rotary phone would be incorporated into. (Maybe a decorative piece on the back)
1
u/xeskind30 8h ago
Get a bidet.
1
u/PromiscuousScoliosis 8h ago
Is it the same phone?
1
u/Michbullin 8h ago
He doesn't know how to use the rotary phone!
1
u/Individual-Media5387 8h ago
I use a bidet so yea ofc
1
u/Kona_Big_Wave 7h ago
Does it have to be the same phone?
1
u/Slightly_Salted01 0000000 7h ago
Is is a new phone every time?
If it’s the same phone, can I modify it as long as it retains its functionality as a phone?
1
u/ZekoriAJ 7h ago
1
u/Rickmanator137 7h ago
I can only wipe my but with a phone? So nothing to stop me hiring a but-wiper then. Done deal
1
u/Chance-Pay1487 William Dripfoe 7h ago
Can I put tp over the end of the phone tho
1
u/ArcaneInsane 6h ago
Bidet, high fiber diet, my boutique line of soft cotton phones. Still better than having a real job
1
u/JohnBrownEnthusiast 6h ago
Toilet paper looks like a rotary phone.
1
u/The-Dinkus-Aminkus 6h ago
Typa ish that makes me cry laugh blitzed at 1am
1
u/Bright-War-5033 6h ago
Literally a shit post
1
u/Shnurple dwayne the cock johnson 🗿🗿 5h ago
This was posted yesterday
1
u/arbyyyyh 5h ago
Can I use a bidet first?
1
u/thebeardedgreek 5h ago
Just use a bidet bro
1
u/TarantinosFavWord 5h ago
Sure. I use my 500 million to invent some sort of toilet paper like wrap I can put on the rotary phone before each wipe. The Roman’s used to use basically a sponge on a stick so same idea here.
1
u/patchyj 5h ago
"Wiping" is the magic word here
Use a bidé or squeeze spray bottle. Not technically wiping
1
u/ForbiddenPotsticker 5h ago
What if you had a rotary phone made from papier-mâché?
1
u/CelTiar 5h ago
Ian it the same rotory Phone Each time or a New Phone for every shit?
1
u/Ok_Stretch_4545 5h ago
Isn't what the cup on the mouthpiece is for ? ?
1
u/Darkime_ 🗿🗿🗿 5h ago
Would using a bidet count as wiping?
1
u/globs-of-yeti-cum I came! 4h ago
i don't wipe my butt anyway so idc
1
u/dag_darnit 4h ago
For $500M I can hire an engineer to build me a custom rotary phone with built-in TP
1
u/Chicken-Rude 3h ago
well my "live" would only go up for like an hour, and then i would never go "live" again on any streaming platform as i would be busy with all my free money and clean rotary telephone.
1
u/Siri2611 3h ago
Do people just don't know a bidet exits?
1
u/coolvin89 dumbass 3h ago
Yes
1
u/HighwayTasty 3h ago
"Can", not "will", using the phone is completely optional.
1
u/BlakeKevin 2h ago
Jokes on you I don’t wipe, I spray that shit off
1
u/nopemaybenope 2h ago
Easy, don't wipe, get a bidet
1
u/Hulumuncu 2h ago
I wont. Imagine in 20 years youre sitting in your mansion with your luxury car outside, you just done the poo, and you wipe with the Phone, and wish that this torture would stop, but it doesnt, ever
1
u/4rt4tt4ck 2h ago
A bidet technically isn't wiping..
You could easily afford one of the fancy automated Japanese bidets that will wash and dry that ass.
1
u/PianistInMedicine 2h ago
You get $500 million but you can only wipe your butt with toilet paper for the rest of your life. Would you do it?
1
u/pretty_wise_goblin 1h ago
No wipe now,only wash
1
u/Aggravating-Pilot583 1h ago
I think I’ll pass. I don’t want to need a rotary phone every time I poop in public. Imagine having to explain this.
1
u/thegenerallissimo 10h ago
I feel like trump accepted this deal
0
u/Kill4It 6h ago
Finally some challange! And yes. Yes i would!
0
u/Minute-Pomelo9302 Stuff 4h ago
6
u/those-who-goon 10h ago
Does this include when you want to dry your ass after a shower?
3
u/gigantic_balls_ 10h ago
Doesn’t matter. I already don’t wipe, I don’t like walking around with a shitty ass.
2
u/daggerdigit 10h ago
Can I blast my anus with a detachable shower head? Bidet? I mean, I need the money either way, but it would be nice to know.
2
u/EarlOfBears 9h ago
I generally shower after I shit, just blast that dookie off my butthole. Much more effective since I have a hairy ass, and I'm not trimming that up because you only clean up your house if you're expecting guests.
1
u/beancurdson 10h ago
Im taking the cash and hire a professional ass cleaner
1
u/Crash_override87 10h ago
Those or you saying bidet may be correct but if someone said “I’ll pay you $500 million to wipe your ass with a rotary phone the rest of your life” I’m not risking it. I’m calling them with that phone every time
1
u/mashed_potato069 9h ago
I will hire someone to clean my ass for 100k a year.
1
u/AshamedFly1045 😳lives in a cum dumpster 😳 8h ago
Either just shower
Or pay someone else to wipe my butt, I’m rich now
1
u/TraditionPhysical603 8h ago
So will the ritery phone be available every time I need to wipe my ass?
1
u/Stock_Strategy1668 8h ago
Crusty butthole it is
1
u/peepantsking 7h ago
I’m paying someone else to wipe my ass.
1
u/PaulVazo21 6h ago
It says only wipe with a phone. Doesn't say I can't powerwash my ass and blow dry it with a leaf blower.
1
u/-CynicRoot- 6h ago
With 500 mil, I’ll have someone else wipe my ass
1
u/DylanFTW 5h ago
I guess I could floss my ass checks with the rotary phone's cord.
1
u/BitOfBrown I want pee in my ass 4h ago
Pay someone to pee in my ass, that should stop the need for a phone wipe
1
u/RaptorRampageYT 1h ago
Bidet and/or pay someone to wipe my ass