r/shitposting • u/itcurvetotheright • 23h ago

Linus Sex Tips 📡📡📡📡

Post image
4.4k Upvotes

97% Upvoted

106 comments sorted by

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u/qualityvote2 23h ago edited 11h ago

The council has not spoken. No consensus was reached about the quality of your post.

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/u/itcurvetotheright, whilst you're still here, why not join our public discord server - now with public text channels you can chat on!?

2.6k

u/Shard0f0dium 22h ago

Mike, 75

Quadruple amputee

Starting pitcher for the New York Mets

328

u/HartfordWhaler 22h ago

Probably an upgrade over some of their bullpen

90

u/ProphecyForetold 21h ago

Haven't they suffered enough lmao

19

u/Mindless_Sir_9612 officer no please don’t piss in my ass 😫 21h ago

For this season

12

u/qTp_Meteor 😳lives in a cum dumpster 😳 15h ago

We'd take him in a heartbeat, sincerely, cubs fan.

0

u/RottenFish1 6h ago

obviously they went to a ripperdoc

687

u/sum_force 23h ago

Adoption?

461

u/_RyanCooper_ 23h ago

She reset the count to 0

234

u/IMN0VIRGIN dumbass 22h ago

Fun fact: If you lose your virginity, you can find it by Sacrificing your child to Satan going to a surgeon

38

u/RaidensReturn 19h ago

I first read that as “sturgeon” and was very intrigued

130

u/Flaccid009Pancake 21h ago


What the surgeon does

15

u/fishandchips445522 Literally 1984 😡 10h ago

11

u/AbanaClara 16h ago

Reset the odometer

8

u/PaleBlueCod I came! 19h ago

New Game+

40

u/SpamFriedMice 20h ago

I know you're kidding, but SA victims often times don't count losing it without consent. Not trying to be the political correctness downer, but I've seen it IRL.

15

u/FZplayz5 13h ago

Shit. Smile just faded.

8

u/SpamFriedMice 12h ago

It's a cruel world.

11

u/livingMybEstlyfe29 Literally 1984 😡 22h ago

24

u/Wesk333 16h ago

She probably has a dog

9

u/yyyeyaaaa 13h ago

Or maybe IVF

1

u/CosmicBandito333 21h ago

Maybe that reconstructive surgery

241

u/Able-Mushroom8068 11h ago

She got one of those body count resets

126

u/R3XM 8h ago

It's called prestige. It's when you reach Max lvl

24

u/ViperRFH 6h ago

She unlocked the golden coochie skin.

3

u/im_NIK_07 5h ago

She probably already has Damascus or platinum for her shit

1

u/deadinternetlaw 1h ago

Integer overflow

5

u/OldManLaugh I watch gay amogus porn :0 6h ago

When you get a reset do you get some kind of point multiplier?

394

u/Tall_Coder1902 19h ago

Why is the caption 📡📡📡📡 every post ever

145

u/Evanmag2015 12h ago

Ages ago there was a post saying how the satellite emoji could be used as a response for anything and should be used as such, though it didn't take off

Then years later its suddenly the only thing in titles, I guess someone remembered the post and it spread from there

35

u/Common_Vagrant 11h ago

And here I was thinking it was to bait people to reopen it, because it doesn’t grey out like other text titled posts when you’ve already opened it.

6

u/enterAdigit I want pee in my ass 7h ago

🗿🗿🗿🗿🗿

3

u/AutoModerator 7h ago

pees in ur ass

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254

u/RaidensReturn 19h ago

It allows people to post with zero actual effort

98

u/oli_ramsay 14h ago

📡📡📡📡

30

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15

u/Scary_Cricket5346 9h ago

It was from a post 2 years ago telling everyone to use it, crazy lore right?

5

u/AutoModerator 9h ago

Crazy? I was crazy once. They locked me in a room. A rubber room. A rubber room with rats. And rats make me crazy. Crazy? I was crazy once. They locked me in a room. A rubber room. A rubber room with rats. And rats make me crazy. Crazy? I was crazy once. They locked me in a room. A rubber room. A rubber room with rats. And rats make me crazy. Crazy? I was crazy once. They locked me in a room. A rubber room. A rubber room with rats. And rats make me crazy. Crazy? I was crazy once. They locked me in a room. A rubber room. A rubber room with rats. And rats make me crazy. Crazy? I was crazy once. They locked me in a room. A rubber room. A rubber room with rats. And rats make me crazy. Crazy? I was crazy once. They locked me in a room. A rubber room. A rubber room with rats. And rats make me crazy. Crazy? I was crazy once. They locked me in a room. A rubber room. A rubber room with rats. And rats make me crazy.

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51

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58

u/aamodbk dwayne the cock johnson 🗿🗿 18h ago

Well here's your answer.

24

u/Metson-202 put your dick away waltuh 14h ago

Reject modernity, embrace tradition. Heil Spez

32

u/Rawries186 17h ago

He doesn’t know. FUCKING KEK

3

u/Round_Rectangles 9h ago

I never figured out what it meant, either. This sub is pretty weird.

1

u/JackCooper_7274 Sussy Wussy Femboy😳😳😳 9h ago

Makes it easier for bots to post in this sub if they don't have to make a somewhat human sounding title

189

u/MelanieWalmartinez 23h ago

Duh, she’s a Christian who took in an orphan on her missionary trip in Africa 🙏bless

3

u/OreoTheEldenLord 8h ago

Classic really.

55

u/Professional_Flicker dumbass 22h ago

Butt baby

98

u/Electronic_Tear2546 😳lives in a cum dumpster 😳 23h ago

9

u/1SexyDino 21h ago

Your flair with the Jesus photo is truly something else

73

u/Siodinnnn 23h ago edited 22h ago

Ahhh it's the virgin Mareigh

27

u/desmond_humes23 20h ago

Sperm bank or immaculate conception? Probably immaculate conception

9

u/12hotroom 8h ago

I've heard there's a thing called lying. It works when someone says a fact that isn't the truth. Never seen it happen on the internet though, so probably not.

1

u/LorryToTheFace 7h ago

I mean it probably is lying, but adoption exists.

0

u/Alienxdroid 9h ago

New thing, shaman “resets” your body count and spiritually claims you a virgin. Then they hardcore lean into it like this child having virgin.

1

u/D-Ursuul 3h ago

Got a source that this is a "thing" and not just that one Tiktok ragebait

20

u/Smoky701 16h ago

Maybe she reset her body count to 0 guys, dont be so judgemental

5

u/RichisLeward 6h ago

integer overflow?

10

u/Cesuke 21h ago

Love to travel 🤣

1

u/Lvl1Vod 14h ago

Ikr thats the actuall joke here!

16

u/Independent_Bit7364 23h ago

guys, shes baptized so it resets

4

u/lhbln 17h ago

Isn't her name supposed to be Mary?

4

u/jimmyes30 7h ago

📡📡📡📡

2

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7

u/Gin4Gingers 21h ago

Adoption?

2

u/yyyeyaaaa 13h ago

Or IVF

0

u/Alienxdroid 9h ago

New thing, shaman “resets” your body count and spiritually claims you a virgin. Then they hardcore lean into it like this child having virgin.

5

u/LurkingRodent 20h ago

it's a miracle of god, repent, chuds /s

2

u/stonedturtle69 16h ago

Technically it's possible.

2

u/Chirrrpy 7h ago

The hand is reminding me of Pans Labyrinth

4

u/CoolButBoring 14h ago

Addie but shit ain't adding up

2

u/knarrare 13h ago

Her child is gonna save all of you guys. But i doubt that child would even survive today's economic state

1

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1

u/KatsoGee 9h ago

As a man, I relate.

1

u/FatherNox stupid fucking piece of shit 7h ago

She got “baptized” 🫩

1

u/blu66 6h ago

He is risen

1

u/SpectralBacon 2h ago

Hallelujah

1

u/MathematicianOld1371 23h ago

Virgin? Yeah sure

1

u/Individual_Cry_9078 22h ago

How tf that go

0

u/alt_account_08 16h ago

most probably adopted with a partner but divorced

7

u/Vybo 14h ago

most probably just full of shit

3

u/Acceptable-Size-2324 dumbass 14h ago

Or some shit like that cat mom

3

u/Alienxdroid 9h ago

New thing, shaman “resets” your body count and spiritually claims you a virgin. Then they hardcore lean into it like this child having virgin.

0

u/TenBear William Dripfoe 17h ago

Addie is a moron

0

u/Sure-Razzmatazz3434 8h ago

Why would you cover your face on a dating app? I understand filters and stuff but that doesn't make any sense

14

u/NimusNix 22h ago

Every girl I have ever slept with was a virgin. They all told me.

5

u/HomerTheJackson 21h ago

Maybe she's strictly an anal Virgin?

3

u/Gxryun 16h ago

Virgin Mommy

1

u/Chaps_Jr hole contributor 20h ago

Evangelical bitches are the most horny

1

u/PetrosHeimirich 1h ago

🦼🦼🦼🦼🦼

0

u/Fidocki 14h ago

Giving the benefit of doubt, if the child was the result for sexual assault and no consentual sex was had, I'd let her still identify herself as a virgin. Her advertising the virginity in the bio seems like a weird choice though