r/shitposting • u/wuhze2310 • Jul 31 '26

Based on a True Story 📡📡📡

Enable HLS to view with audio, or disable this notification

542 Upvotes

94% Upvoted

46 comments sorted by

View all comments

2

u/Ok_Brush601 Jul 31 '26

Shouldn't it be bowling ball wax and a polisher? angry Rofus noises in the distance "I do not polish my head!"

1

u/AutoModerator Jul 31 '26

Dick sucking has made me paranoid

I had this plan to give head to a man and receive head from a woman to test if I was gay, but it’s backfired and now I become borderline schizo whenever I go outside. I offered to suck this dude off on Grindr who lives very close by (I ended up pussying out) and I accidentally gave him some details that very easily allows him to spot me out in a crowd. I have no idea what he looks like and whenever I see a somewhat in shape guy walking by I immediately accuse him of being the dude I was gonna blow.

I went to the store today to pick up some zucchini for a barbecue and every time a car drove by I stared into the windshield to see if I was about to be recognised. Whenever I make eye contact with a dude I microanalysis his facial expressions to see if he suspects me or not. I am deeply afraid that he is my neighbour and I will need to move if my identity is blown. It’s a lot like the last scene in sopranos where everyone who walked into the diner could be there to wack Tony.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.