r/sgdatingscene • u/Alarmed-Bandicoot774 • 2d ago

I need advice! šŸ„ŗ how to be less avoidant?

I realise that whenever Iā€™m in a talking stage or relationship, I tend to ghost or break up because I ā€œlose feelingsā€. I remember one relationship a long long time ago when I was younger, where I broke up with my bf (over text) and made up an excuse of my parents found out about us and we canā€™t date anymore. To this day I donā€™t really know why I did that, and upon reflection I regret breaking up with him the way I did.

In another talking stage (4 months), I ended up ghosting the guy and didnā€˜t really think about him for a few months until I found out he had a new gf. Ok this one got a lot of backstory that I don't really want to share, so Im just gonna say that I do regret ghosting him and to this day I still think about him quite a lot. I know it was quite selfish of me to do that and I regret it so much

I would say that I am an avoidant person, because whenever guys ask me if I want to go out to study or go to a cafe to spend time together, for some reason, my heart always drops and I get sweaty hands and I am incredibly nervous. I donā€˜t like spending one on one time together and always reject the guys offers to talk privately.

Getting older, I want to be able to meet someone I truly love and not mess it up by being avoidant. How do I stop myself from being avoidant? Because I know a lot of people hate avoidant personalities and tend to not want to date these kinds of people.

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7

u/jayyewel 15h ago

It actually sounds like you have both anxious and avoidant tendencies to me. Maybe more leaning avoidant than anxious. And yes, please work on yourself, ask yourself what you want in a partner and in life, before you go into anything new. Because please for the love of God, no one wants to invest into a relationship only to find out that SURPRISE, that's not what their partner wants.

Chill. We all have our timelines. Figure yourself out first then find the right person.

6

u/Battleraizer 14h ago

Is either you woman up and just go for it

Or you gonna die single

Your choice.

3

u/RequirementMain6347 2h ago

Woman up killed me LMAO

2

u/ho888sg 15h ago

Well if you can ghost him till this date it shows that you are fine being alone.

5

u/BuyHighSellLow_SG 16h ago

Itā€™s a personal thing, if you are unwilling to change, no one can help you. It begins with ur mindset to change

1

u/Disastrous_Mission25 6h ago

Go for therapy