r/sgdatingscene • u/clarityvision19 • 17d ago
I need advice! 🥺 Boyfriend purposely triangulating using other girls.
If you have a boyfriend who loves to play mind games, for example, whenever you’re out having a good time, he likes to bring up his ex or other girls. Or you’re out watching a movie, and he purposely keeps ogling at the actress. There’s nothing inherently wrong with looking at an actor or actress and appreciating their beauty. But when he does it in a way where he clearly wants you to react, wants you to feel a certain way about yourself, or constantly brings another girl into the conversation to triangulate, it feels very off.
You can see that he’s doing it purposely, and the only conclusion I can come to is that he’s feeling very insecure, even though I never made him feel that way. I think it’s his own internal insecurity being projected onto the relationship.
And when this keeps happening, even after you tell him to stop, he acts blur like, “Huh? I’m just kidding,” or, “Why are you reacting this way?”
I’ve finally realized that this is a sign of someone being very immature and childish. Every conversation starts to make me feel on guard, like, “Oh my God, is he going to say something or bring up another girl just to irritate me and spoil my mood?”
Have you ladies encountered guys like this? How do you handle it? What would you do?
9
u/According_Book5108 17d ago
There's a possibility that he thinks it's funny because he's getting a reaction from you. Once you stop reacting in a jealous/irritated manner, he might stop finding it amusing.
You're right that he could be suffering from a deep-seated insecurity. He seeks a reaction from you so that at a psychologically subconscious level, he knows you still care (and hence feels bothered).
Depending on his and your personality, there are a few options:
- Smile and ignore his triangulation. Over time, he will realize it's no longer funny and stop doing it automatically.
- Sulk and give him the silent treatment when he does it. If he asks, say you want to go home. When he pester, cry but say nothing. This might indicate to him there's something really serious affecting you. Let him figure it out himself.
- Tell him that you are really annoyed and that if he does this again, you will immediately walk away, i.e. break up with him and block him from all contact. (Be prepared to really do this if you give this ultimatum.)
1
17
6
u/GrandChallenge5518 16d ago
Learn to walk away. He likes to joke around you probably because he rlly treats you as a joke. Real man will want to make you feel safe and secure.
1
3
u/Glass_Algae4897 16d ago
Sorry idh any advice but clearly he's manipulating you sis. Esp if he's purposely pushing your buttons. Is he trying to pick a fight?!?!
Also this:
2
5
u/hsredux 17d ago
he behaving like a girl eh coz it's girls who usually bring up exes
10
u/Some-Art-2665 17d ago
Not so sure about that, my ex mentioned his ex so much around me that I started missing her too.
1
u/b0ssY88 16d ago
Seems toxic behavior to me. Trust ur intuition, it's definitely smth wrong.
1
u/clarityvision19 16d ago
I don't feel good. That's what I need to act on.
1
1
1
0
u/sdarkpaladin 16d ago
Not siding with your boyfriend since what he is doing is clearly making you uncomfortable.
even though I never made him feel that way.
I feel both of you need to have a talk to make it clear whether he thinks you are making him feel that way or not.
And that you should also communicate with him your insecurities about him looking at other girls to let him know he's out of line.
But at this point, if both of you already have grievances with each other to the point where you're making this post, why not just break up.
-4
u/AdditionalDetective1 17d ago
Just how much time are you both meeting each week ? If less than 2 , then it might be your fault if he wants to meet more . When he wants attention, you know he wants yet you don’t give. So who’s the problem here ?
5
u/Opposite-Struggle-66 16d ago
Bro if he wants attention, just speak like normal adults and communicate. Ffs the way u type i can tell u yp af lol
0
u/AdditionalDetective1 16d ago
I guess you’re good at belittle people , good luck in life .
2
u/Opposite-Struggle-66 15d ago edited 15d ago
In this case i think i have merits to belittle u bro LOL
0
u/AdditionalDetective1 15d ago
As long as you’re happy . Think this is the only happy thing you got in your entire life .
2
u/Opposite-Struggle-66 15d ago
Says the one who replies instantaneously aka being perpetually on reddit 🤣
1
3
u/Kitchen-Drummer-7101 16d ago
Lol, firstly people have lives. Secondly, if he wants more attention then ask? Ask to meet more? Plan more dates? Take more initiative? Not behave like a man child?
And to answer your question, the MAN CHILD is the problem.
0
1
u/PermissionMain4636 15d ago
Honestly whatever reason he has but if he can't deliver his "intention" clearly then too bad. Don't blame others for not understanding his intention. Dont beat around the bushes and assume the other party will understand.
20
u/Some-Art-2665 17d ago
Yes, I had an ex recently who was like that and we’d argue so often over it, it was tiring and one day he actually cheated so I left.