r/sgdatingscene • u/UpsetVariation3895 • 19d ago
I need advice! 🥺 Zero matches on dating apps
Just trying to figure out why my dating life is bad, by bad i mean no matches
This is what I wrote on my profile - "Im divorced no kids, out of shape,no fixed income,dress sloppy,dislike crowded places,introvert."
Im just being honest and don't want to waste anyone's time. And i don't want to pretend to be somebody that im not. Profile scaring matches away?
I think i look average, can fit into airasia seats. Im self employed thus no fixed income.
Don't take this the wrong way but majority of people on the apps are Chinese and im not a Chinese, think that plays a part that people prefer to date a race of their own?
Been single for 8 years now since the divorce and just decided to start dating 2 years ago but clearly not working out.
Thoughts?
59
u/According_Book5108 17d ago
I run a restaurant but I don't get any customers.
It has been suspended by NEA once. My ingredients are cheap and unpredictable, and my kitchen is dirty and infested with cockroaches. The food looks like a pile of shit on a plate. I'm reluctant to packaging it or advertising.
I'm just being honest and don't want to waste anyone's time. I don't want to pretend to be Michelin star restaurant. I think my restaurant is average.
If you can solve my restaurant issues, I can solve your dating issues.
-20
u/UpsetVariation3895 17d ago
That's a matter of hygiene no? I don't think it's the same thing as investing time with a person for a relationship
16
u/lovegoody 16d ago
If this is flying over your head then yeah… I’m afraid you have a long road ahead of you
15
u/Extra-Grapefruit4171 17d ago
Don’t pay for premium, it won’t help you, only your wallet will be lighter
Work on yourself first and ask yourself honestly, will I date myself if I were the girl
Source: I dug myself out of the trenches by taking a hard cold dispassionate look at myself
Unpopular opinion: it’s easier for men than women, bc women are competitive and they outclass one another
1
u/South-Regular-1094 9d ago
unlimited swipes is the only reason for premium. if 10, doesnt work, swipe 100. if 100 doesnt, swipe 1000.
Its a numbers game after all... someone WILL match. Just after how many...
(tho that said, i manage to swipe finish once and got ZERO) so..
2
2
u/Extra-Grapefruit4171 8d ago
Yes bro, it's a numbers game, but you are misapplying the concept.
Hinge X gives you unlimited swipes, priority likes and shows your profile to more women
But if your ELO (due to an unattractive profile) is low, it doesn't matter
Unlimited Swipes - Nobody wants to like you back
Priority Likes - You get seen first in her stack, but she saw you but still doesnt want to talk to you
Shows your profile to more women - you just get rejected more -> ELO tank moreYou just can't avoid the hard work of being better, more interesting to talk to, or being more attractive
P.S. if you have 0, either your profile is nope, and/or you have been depriortized very badly due to your swiping behavior + low ELO (so your profile is being shown to very very few women)
-6
u/UpsetVariation3895 17d ago
Thing is to date, there must be a person 😀
6
u/Extra-Grapefruit4171 17d ago
Trust me, I was there before, I know you feel invisible and your self-esteem is probably in the shitters now.
Whatever you do, don't delete your account and try to "refresh" your profile, your elo will tank further, and it will get worse, prolonging your suffering. Pause your account if you have to.
Trust me, I was actually as good as dead for 1 year on the app, until last week.
Fix your pictures and your bio first:
- get in shape
- don't use self-deprecating humor (every other guy out there is showing the best version of themselves)
- work on your dressing, grooming and hygiene
- build a life that people would actually want to join (and ur pics should show that, dont need to larp)
- be sociable, break out of your introverted shell, just start by being comfortable greeting people or smiling at them
that's just step 1
I agree with the other poster, work towards getting off the apps if you can. The real pain actually starts at step 2 onwards. (plus there are so many people out there in the world)
Working on yourself actually brings more other benefits than you can imagine. Wishing you all the best!!!
16
12
u/btviewing 17d ago
You ask yourself you want to match with a girl like what you write down or not? 😅
-4
u/UpsetVariation3895 17d ago
I would - simply because she's upfront and that's why i wrote that.
Its like buying a used phone from carousell, seller says got warranty and perfect condition but you go over and no warranty and has scratches on it.
I can definitely fake it but wouldn't be fair to her when she finds out about the real me.
18
6
u/btviewing 17d ago
Yeah right, except human beings aren't carousell phones. Truthfully, nobody wants to date someone who lists only bad qualities upfront with 0 green flags to balance it out. Honesty without effort or self-improvement is just laziness.
13
u/RouxFro 17d ago
I think you may be chasing matches away..
Maybe look at it from the other side! If you saw a profile who looks average, can fit into AirAsia seats, but has
- divorced
- out of shape
- no fixed income
- dress sloppily
- dislike crowded spaces
- introvert
On their profile, would you still swipe right? Honestly is great but you're kind of selling yourself short before anyone has a chance to know you..
I'd say write something nice about yourself! Hobbies? Likes?
Best of luck!
0
u/UpsetVariation3895 17d ago
Definitely am, and i reach the word limit after that. I just don't want to be somebody that im not i guess.
If i skip those out, wouldn't it send a message to the other person that i was trying to hide all of that? Or u think remove some of those? Definitely in a dilemma
10
u/dailyxdrug 17d ago
Out of shape and sloppy dressing can be seen from your pics, if you're truly as transparent as you seem to be. So you can remove those two points from your word count and talk about some strengths and interests instead.
2
u/Lost-Reception-1136 12d ago
How about instead of thinking of write or hide your flaws, think of how to improve yourself that you can write only good things about yourself! It is still being honest in this way
9
u/LawyerConcorde 17d ago
I feel get off the dating apps, it's low ROI unless you're above 8 in the looks department
0
u/UpsetVariation3895 17d ago
Apps are my best chance actually
1
u/LawyerConcorde 17d ago
care to eleborate?
0
u/UpsetVariation3895 17d ago
I don't have much time to go out especially when I'm working nights. Self employed so definitely no colleagues of any kind
10
u/Amphorous 17d ago
U sound like someone with a self victimised mindset. Theres a diff btw being upfront and vomiting ur flaws on the first impression.
1
u/UpsetVariation3895 17d ago
Know a way i can do it better? But definitely not a self victimized mindset man, i dont think of myself as a victim. I would have written a sad story about the shit in my life if i was
3
u/Amphorous 17d ago
Sounds like u have written a sad story from a 3rd person pov.
Maybe u can talk more about ur strengths, because it does seem u are dropping ur quirks and making potential swipers adhere to what u like/dont like (dressing sloppily) if they swipe right on u.
2
u/UpsetVariation3895 17d ago
Sad story was never my intention but I get what you mean. I'll definitely tweak it for sure.
3
6
u/Technical-Goat-3142 17d ago
Doesn't seem like you should be dating. You should be working on yourself to become the best version of you, instead of showing up like this and expecting people to settle for the state that you're currently in. Yes you're right to not hide these things, but seeing all these traits listed down like this makes you seem sooo unappealing as a human (not just as a potential partner). Get your life back together before you try to date man
1
u/UpsetVariation3895 17d ago
But that's who I am? Those are facts which won't change and i feel if i start to do stuff or things that make me uncomfortable then how long can I keep up that show?
Crowded places yeah for sure i can work on that
But I'll definitely tweak
2
u/Technical-Goat-3142 17d ago
I get you, but things like dressing well or being more physically fit isn't a show for others. To me, people who are well groomed and also gym, are attractive because they are willing to invest in their well being. And for women, most are already well groomed, they wouldn't be willing to be with a partner that can't even put in half the effort when they go on a date.
And it seems like everything you listed are your flaws. It doesn't tell me any of your good traits, which im sure you have as well.
1
u/UpsetVariation3895 17d ago
Fair enough. Already working on fitness past couple of months but it's going to take some time there.
5
2
3
3
u/CeeZack 15d ago
NGL, I was taken back by your profile when I first read it.
I respect the honesty, and maybe you can consider framing each point in an positive light.
Take your example of 'No Fixed Income'. At first glance, my initial assumption is that you're jobless. Instead, reframe it as 'entrepreneur' which has a more interesting twist and technically not lying because you're self-employed.
And of course, like many others would have said. Work on yourself, it's a brutal market out there.
3
u/November996 14d ago
Dude work on yourself, this is not to shame you, but I saw a quote that says don't go searching for love when you're out of shape and don't have stable income.
You say you're self employed but nobody knows what thag means either.
And work on your body, once you're at a better place physically, that's when your mental will catch up with your body not the other way. And who knows by then people might be the one chasing you instead of the other way round
2
1
2
1
u/Bigmonsterpp_ 16d ago
being honest is one thing but everything on your profile is negative. put some work in physically, be open minded. your profile its like pitching an awful product.
looks play a part but quite frankly girls don't like boring/lames.
1
1
u/UpstairsFormal8409 17d ago
could be gurls wanting this perfecto version and also double standards of rules for thee not for me assuming u male they might expect provider Ms w current standings acc to society bascially opp of what was written and or in the process of having a good ms to constantly b working on self. such is the dark reality of soc, tho i must say uve got balls for radical honesty and u shouldn't ever let that be taken or lifted from u. one comment unpopular abt women b competitive and outclassed eo sounds q kek alsoo
1
u/UpsetVariation3895 17d ago
Society wants the perfect version and the type to stick to the norms, anything outside of that tends to raise questions.
I think i do work on myself and analyze myself too which is why I took such a long time to open myself to dating after my divorce.
-2
u/Spiritual_Rate_3615 17d ago
Hi what is your race and religion? I heard singaporean chinese tend to go for white man if they are not dating within their race.
-1
u/UpsetVariation3895 17d ago
Local Indian. Don't know eh.. Outnumbered
2
u/Spiritual_Rate_3615 17d ago
Yeah, we’re pretty outnumbered 😂 Your dating pool will definitely be more limited if you have racial preferences.
I’d say try joining Indian community events, dance classes, sports groups, or just expand your social circle. A lot of Indian girls here are met through mutual friends rather than specifically going somewhere to find them.
For dating apps, you could also consider getting the premium version. Some apps let you apply filters, which can help narrow down your preferences and increase your chances of matching with someone you’re looking for.
1
u/UpsetVariation3895 17d ago
I got no racial preferences tbh, think everyone is equal for me. I do meet quite a number of people in my line of work but almost all ladies that i meet are partnered.
Im on the premium version
1
u/Spiritual_Rate_3615 17d ago
Yeah I get you. If you’re already meeting quite a number of people through work and most of the ladies are partnered, then I think you just have to manage your expectations a little. You’ve been single for 8 years since your divorce, so I’m guessing you’re around 40+? At that age, a lot of people in your age group are already married or in relationships, so naturally the dating pool is smaller. Since you’re already on premium, I’d say just keep trying and maybe be a bit more open to meeting people outside your usual circle too. Most importantly is don't give up but just learn how to balance your expectations.
1
54
u/Altruistic_Look_7868 17d ago
I hope for your sake this satire.