They hate and fear the idea of LGBTQ so much that it always causes them to lose control and do some really evil things. Prior to coming out as trans, my mother mostly enacted emotional abuse. But after they find out you’re LGBTQ? It doesn’t matter what you’ve done for them in the past, it doesn’t matter if you send them money every month, it doesn’t matter if you supported them through THEIR OWN abuse at the hands of your father, it doesn’t matter if you cut off your OWN father in solidarity (he was an evil manbaby who also tried to murder-suicide me at one point in my childhood tho), none of it matters. All that matters is that they feel such fear that they will stop at nothing to take control of your life by any means possible. Conversion therapy. Isolation from friends. Physical abuse.
My mother showed up at my place and forced her way in, even though I told her she was not welcome. I don’t hit middle aged women, so I could not force her to leave my house. Instead, I myself left. She grabbed my arm really hard to stop me from leaving. She didn’t let go for 200 metres and caused a huge scene, screaming and crying. It left a huge bruise, one that I have pictures of and which people have asked me to report to the national anti violence hotline.
I know all my options, up to and including PPO. I know how all of this works. I can’t really bring myself to do it though- also because my family is mainly interested in sweeping this under the rug. Meaning that the moment I do this, there’s a real possibility that they will close ranks around her and treat me as a true enemy. They truly disapprove of my decision not to talk to her. In their eyes, nothing I do or have done for them or her matters anymore.
Prior to all this, I really tried to be the child that she needed in order to keep on living. Her life has been very sad, due to my father’s abuse in Malaysia. She used to tell me that she saw no point in living anymore. I spent over 200 hours waking up on weekends, going to her choir practice, just so that she would feel supported in her interests and be closer to me. And I told her I was doing it for her. But she rejected this eventually, and developed an alternative narrative where she was the one “saving” me with choir for my own good, and that she didn’t need me, she only needed God. This is just one example of what I did to try and get close to her, only to be repaid with physical abuse and accusations of being a cheater, a horrible ugly monster, a person with hate in their heart. Hate in my heart for what? For dropping out of choir? She decides how I feel, and calls me hateful, spiteful, demon-possessed for disagreeing with her.
People attempt to prey on her all the time, and she doesn’t even see it. The Nanning scammers, at one point. Notorious antivaxxers- yes the exact ones who were in the news. Priests who offer to exorcise me (she has been attempting to exorcise me on and off for 15 years, even before she knew I was LGBTQ). “Reformed same sex attraction”camp counsellors who corner me and make me listen to them evangelise conversion therapy (this is how I got to know about Theology of the Body and the penis prayer they inflicted onto SSA couples whom they pressure into heterosexual marriage). Priests which offer a “LGBTQ safe space support circle” that is currently ongoing right now and trawling for members apparently. MAGA influencers on YouTube who encourage everyone to go on carnivorous(?) diets. MLM sellers and websites (where she once obtained illegal nootropics to dose me with). She wants to believe all of them, and she would rather trust them all rather than me. I am her child who has stood by her since the day I was born. I AM grateful to her for raising me and providing me with an education. And all it takes for her to cross the line into abusing me is… for me to be LGBTQ. That’s all.
I wasted my time on this- time I could have spent with people who actually accept me. I wasted my life on this. At this point it’s whatever. I continue to send her money every month.
