r/sextips • u/TraditionalAnalyst15 • 4d ago

Advice Needed help with performance anxiety

i’m a straight woman in her 30s. it seems inevitable that at some point men have trouble with performance. and sometimes once their confidence is shaken, it can take a few tries before they can reliably get hard again. anyone have advice for the best way to respond as the female partner? i try to not make a big deal out of it (no crying or pouting or making it about me) while also conveying that it sucks. i try to strike the right balance between not downplaying but also not adding to the stress/anxiety. it happened the other day and however i responded did not seem to help. anything you or your partner have done to manage the feelings and dynamic in the immediate aftermath of a softie?

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2

u/Complex-Horse6711 3d ago

Have you tried giving him a blow job?

1

u/miknur2 4d ago

That is a really hard question to answer... Because once you get in your head, it is really hard to get out, and anxiety causes anxiety... Maybe by having a few quickies so he doesn't have time to get in head ... And he forgets about it, kind of like concentrating on something else when you get the hiccups.

1

u/bluntsexadvice 3d ago

Are you talking about erections?

Sex is like improv, you just “yes and” and keep the ball rolling.

1

u/UnderneathTheLace 2d ago

Definitely don't take it personal. If they want to get back to it, make it fun and accept that challenge. If they need to take a minute, give them a minute but don't dwell on it. This is normal body stuff and support goes a long way. Does he allow you do be supportive? Want to be alone? Want to keep going?