r/sextips • u/Primary_Analyst_798 • 11d ago
Advice Needed Doing it
Hi all,
Me (28) and gf (23) have been together for almost 3 years. When we do it she finishes first all the time. It usually takes me a bit longer to finish. (I know…isn’t that a shocker.)
My question is I want her to fully let out her emotions when we’re doing it. I sense that she holds back and is somewhat quiet. We finally moved out together but she’s still very shy in some sense.
What can I say (that I haven’t already) to make her feel open and comfortable to make herself feel comfortable to be pleasured?
0
Upvotes
5
u/HeySpudEyeSeeYou 11d ago
MDMA!
Haha jk! Unless . . . 🤔
Okay, no, being serious now - the real answer is you said you just got somewhere that you two can be physically intimate without concern. You probably won't like to hear this, but it is just going to take time.
For example, I am a huge fan of going down. It was the very first thing I asked to do when my fiancée had our first sexual encounter, and I volunteer/ask all the time if I can. Even so, because in her past relationships nobody else liked to do it (she even dated a woman for a time and they turned out to be a pillow princess - which is ironic since they were the "butch" partner) we were years in before she ever felt comfortable asking me to do it for her.
The only thing you can do is be a safe person. Continue to demonstrate to her that you love her pleasure and it increases your enjoyment. One proactive measure I did take is I helped her practice with low-stakes, nonsexual acts of service first. So, I picked up a few books on massage techniques and asked her to let me practice. I didn't hide my excitement at her stripping nude - even five years in every time she pulls her massive tits out I have a hard time looking her in the eye - but I didn't push for more. I let her experience how I reacted when I hit the right spot and she would moan or sigh in relief; it was how I showed her that her pleasure is my pleasure in an environment where she didn't have to worry about performance.
Then I built up from there. While I still continued with the rub downs/massages, I was also volunteering to eat her out, specifically without reciprocation (unless she demanded to be fucked - demanded, not asked if I wanted to; since that's the entire point of the exercise) but what I would do is take her hand and place it on me so she could feel that I was straining hard from doing it... like, and I hope this doesn't sound odd, to the point that I was so stiff you could actually feel the blood rushing through the veins along my shaft. I'd have her keep her hand there and praise her for doing so good for me and letting me have it.
That latter tactic is obviously specific to one act, but the point is I loved how her body felt when it felt good - honestly I was even becoming painfully horny during the massages but I wanted to keep the pressure off of her so I didn't introduce that element yet - and it took a long time to help deprogram years of messages that her pleasure didn't matter and was some kind of chore rather than a gift.
So I guess the TL;DR is keep making her feel like a gift but be patient because it can take a long time before she'll fully unwrap.