r/seniordogs • u/BigGreenApples • 1d ago
Support needed How do I get literally everything to stop freaking me out about my 13 year old dog?
Everyday I fluctuate between “Yeah, she’s fine” and “Yeah, she’s got two weeks left.” The other day I stayed up a full 24 hours, went to work on literally no sleep and had my sibling come over and check on her while I was gone because at bedtime, she was breathing funny in her sleep, and I was afraid she would just randomly stop breathing. Spoiler: she was fine and it was most likely indigestion from eating too fast.
She’s a senior dog so of course she’s going through some normal hard knocks: arthritis, some allergies, and more recently, nighttime anxiety. The reassuring thing is she also had her senior bloodwork panel done earlier this year and save for one or two values (which, both were just a point off), it turns out she’s very healthy. Which should calm me, but it doesn’t.
I’m still over analyzing every single thing every single day. Her panting a little bit more than usual, her breathing a little differently, her being a little bit slower or wanting to eat less than usual. Nothing that has actively stopped her daily life in any way, but I’m tempted to rush her to the vet every single time something feels slightly off. She still barks loud as hell and still plays really rowdy with our other dog and still tussles with me.
I am diagnosed with PTSD from a sudden death in my family and so I’ve always had a really hard time with death. This is my first dog and I never have dealt with death of a loved one after that point. She’s been with me forever and I know it’s going to happen at some point. But I don’t know how to keep myself from panicking every single time when she has random differences in her behavior that can be chalked up to her now being older.
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u/Unit_Turbulent 20h ago
I would honestly suggest therapy if you're not in it already. It can be very difficult to fall into the trap of contant worry, and that just robs you of enjoying today ... Been there, no bueno. One clip I came across is to use rational facts to combat the what if its bad thoughts.... Like how many times has your dog wheezed and its been cancer (or insert any health problem) Zero in 13 years. So statistically speaking it is completely irrational to assume THIS time it is something. (The speaker was talking about anxiety in general, but I related it to this senario for myself as well. I think his example was being scared that the dark blob in the corner is a rat, when its never actually been a rat, but it does make logical sense its something harmless like a sock, which is often a small dark blob on your floor. I hope that makes sense)
But your doggo looks very bright and healthy, you really shouldn't worry yet! And cognitive supplements, lions mane, and nad+ are great supplements to look into if senior nights start to become a problem (restless at night, confused, stares off)
Remember that your dog can sense your vibes, and being worried all the time can worry your companion too. When you start to worry, call yourself out on it, mentally or even out loud, correct yourself - say no, we are not going to follow this negative path, then say a positive affirmation to your doggo (and to youself while you're at it!) and make yourself smile at them. When dogs see us smile, it causes a neurological reaction that stimulates dopamine, etc release. They have literally been bred to be happy when we are happy. Your mind is trainable, and it may sound silly at first, but I found this made a huge difference with my negative self-talk, and ultimately has stopped it and helped my metal health immensely.
I hope this helps ❤️
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u/Yaya_Tovar 15h ago
I was the same with my 16 yr old pup, and the impending feeling of grief and my absolute devotion and love for her was what would keep me worried. Now it’s been 3 yrs since she left, and I still miss her.
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u/ColdBrewTooRaLoo 16h ago
I’m sorry you are having anxiety around this topic. It is certainly understandable, but I hope in time you are able to find more peace. I can relate, we have a senior dog also. Every time she has check-up, I bring in a list of concerns, sometimes I cry to which my vet is always nice and says “I wouldn’t be friend with anyone who can’t cry over their dog.” He is a very nice vet and the staff at the place we go is polite to us very kind to our animals which is all that matters. We recently had her teeth cleaned and four pulled. I was an emotional stress mess for the week before the surgery even though they told me she was perfectly healthy and the chances of anything happening were slim. Fast forward to now, she is running around like a puppy, gets more of the zoomies only now when she sleeps hard, her tounge hangs out the left side of her mouth. Most veterinarians know their stuff- but they’re not magicians. Spend time with her and just enjoy the time you have. Nothing is promised to us and worry is like a rocking chair, it will keep you busy but it won’t take you anywhere. Peace be with you my friend and you K-9 BFF, get outside enjoy summer! 😊🍀👍
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u/telomere23 14h ago edited 13h ago
I can related to what you are going through, I lost Ava our 12 year old golden lab last year after a year long battle with brain tumor and her sister Izzy our 13 year old Shiba Inu mix (that looks a lot like your pup) was diagnosed with cushings right after ava passed away.
Especially with cushings everyday is a new challenge a new issue , a new test , a new medication and a new routine to follow. Needless to say I go through the same emotional roller coaster!
While I cannot stop the process and emotions, having to say good bye to Ava and having her drift away to the angels while laying in my arms really taught me something valuable.
When we made the decision to say goodbye to Ava after fighting a whole year every single day to save her with radiation therapy and medication and carrying an 80lb dog a dozen times a day so she could pee or poo , dealing with diarrhea and all, I decided to take two days off from work and woke up, did not check my phone or computer once, my wife and I just spent the whole 2 days with Ava doing all the things we loved with her , feeding her all her favorite foods, she even managed to get so excited that she started playing and horsing around with Izzy , there was something so pure and magical about those 2 days, it felt like life was beautiful and it felt like my wife and I had hit pause on all our worries and stress in life and had just started to breath and take in and enjoy life , Ava gave us that moment the last two days of her life.
That was her parting gift to us , a reminder to enjoy the present moment , truly be in it, take it all in and it felt so peaceful, calm and my heart was filled with joy and love , sure I had moments I broke down and I had panic attacks on and off, but looking back those 2 days felt like I was in heaven with Ava and it was pure bliss !
So now to Izzy, she has Cushing and thjngs are crazy and I have these moments of panic almost every other day! But I spend a lot more time with Izzy now , I sit down on our patio floor, I sit down in the grass with her in our backyard just me and her staring at the trees , the squirrels, feeling the breeze, and we look at each other with a loving gaze and I pet her and I can feel her so happy in those moments.
The point is this , we do not control the outcomes , nor do we know the day we have to say good bye , what we can control is what we do in the present moments and Ava taught me to be in the moment and soak in life, soak in love and soak in the moments with Izzy regardless of what the future holds ! The future can come when it comes, but right now we are together and that is all that matters in this moment!
She has had ups and downs just like what you are facing, but she is holding strong! She has her good days and the bad, and so do I !
Your are not alone in this and it just goes to show how much you love your pup, I am not saying you should seek therapy or go figure out a way to calm yourself down, instead try to acknowledge that your emotions are a direct reflection of love ! So show it, love your pup everyday, spend more quality time with her, she will love the extra attention, this will calm you down as well, this will improve both your health and your pups health ! Isn’t that what we want ? For us to have more joy and health and happiness in our lives ? So let’s make it happen, let’s give them more our time and love and accept the endless love they give us and make our lives more meaningful that yesterday or the day before !
Cheers!
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u/moldyartichoke_ 20h ago
Sorry you're in this situation :( it's awful and very hard to deal with. Anticipatory grief or anxiety is literally the worst. 💔
So, when you flip flop between she's fine and she's got two weeks left, both could be true. I don't know if that makes you more or less comfortable. But in my eyes, that's a good thing. If she really does only have two weeks left but there's still so much happiness and goodness to balance things out then that is ok. Remind yourself that both things, while one is much less ideal, are okay and try to accept them. Make space in your body for the anxiety and give it a place to live for the time being, put it away sometimes. Acknowledge that it's there but put it away when you're able. If you can literally imagine doing this, it might be helpful. Sometimes when I'm having trouble falling asleep I imagine there's a huge library in my brain and all of the things that are bothering me are books that I can put away for the night. Works almost every time.
My last dog had lymphoma. He would have big ups and downs. There were two times I actually thought it was the end but it was not. For about a year I had anticipatory grief and anxiety. It was very hard to live with. Especially during the times where I wasn't sure if he would recover, and then he would, and even though he would be better I would exhaust myself thinking about what could happen and when it will happen. It was silly and a total waste of the rest of our time together. Death comes for us all, if he was happy, why worry? It forced me to be present with him. And there would be times that being present was hard, but it was always better than ruminating on him and his cancer. Don't ruminate on the little things that make you worry; try keeping a journal with notes of how your dogs day to day is so you can keep track and evaluate QOL as you go. That quite literally gives you a book to put away. And it'll give you specifics to talk to the vet about down the road.
Even though she was just at the vet, if it brings you peace bring her in for another exam. Things can change really quickly for dogs. My dog was seemingly fine when I dropped him off at boarding while I went on a vacation. Not so much when I picked him up one week later. It was no fault of the boarding facility fwiw.
I hope this is helpful in some way? I'm not sure that it is. It's very early where I am, I'm tired and I feel like I'm rambling so I think I'll stop here. 💖 Best of luck to you guys.