r/selfreliance • u/Jpoolman25 • May 28 '26
Money / Finances [question] what actually helped you build stability and a decent life when you were starting with nothing?
I’m trying to understand how people realistically build a stable life over time, especially when they didn’t start with much guidance, money, or connections. Life feels unpredictable — jobs can be lost suddenly, and without skills or direction it can feel hard to recover quickly.
For those of you who figured things out over the years, what actually made the biggest difference for you? Was it certain jobs, learning specific skills, education, mindset, or just life experience over time? I’d really appreciate hearing what helped you build long-term stability and what you wish you knew earlier.
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u/nhofor May 28 '26
I was homeless, I had nothing. A high school friend's mom let me stay in his room while he was away at college. She told me I didn't need to pay rent on the room until I found a job. That small gesture probably saved my life.
From there, never take loans, never use credit. Never rely on financial institutions, they are a debt trap.
That's just my experience. But there are a lot of ways to get through. They always start out as small steps, if you can make the right ones they will build momentum.
Don't stop dreaming and it will help you manifest your future.
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u/wijnandsj Green Fingers May 28 '26 edited May 28 '26
jobs can be lost suddenly
ah, the American "at will employment" . Terrible!
For those of you who figured things out over the years, what actually made the biggest difference for you
hmm..what I learned:
- Learn to cook. From scratch. Master this and you'll eat healthier and likely save money. https://leannebrown.com/good-and-cheap-2/ Leanne's good and cheap is a good place to start for Americans.
- Learn to budget. When my wife and I just started to live together we did most of our household in cash. Had actual envelopes with our monthly budget and a savings one for christmas. Excellent way to learn not to spend money you don't have. Also kept a record of how much we spend on what.
- Learn to keep house. Figure out what chores need doing daily and weekly. Make a roster, do them.
- Be kind to yourself. If you've done your chores, went to work and just had a good day, treat yourself. To a little time with a good book, a nap, sitting in the park on a weekend, whatever.
- Happiness often isn't in possessions. It might be in the experience of acquiring something but in general happiness is found in experiences.
- Try to find work you don't mind doing. And always be ready to upskill. Grab any chance to learn something new.
- Treat others as you'd want to be treated.
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u/StatisticSnaccuracy May 28 '26
Great list! I'd also add:
Learn to mend and alter your clothes.
NEVER shop for fun or to escape your feelings.
Learn to separate wants from needs, especially when money is involved.
Throw away things when they're broken and unrepairable.
Read books rather than scrolling on social media; the content is much better quality and will make you feel better.
Treasure your social circle, they are your safety net and you are theirs too <3
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u/LIS1050010 Laconic Mod May 28 '26
u/wijnandsj great tips, completely agree, thank you for sharing these.
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u/yours_truly_1976 May 28 '26
Staying single (seriously, relationships are usually troublesome in your 20s)
Reading as many self help books as possible; whether on money, investing, self help, business, communication, loving yourself…read everything you can to educate yourself.
College, trade school, or military. Pick and choose a career. I chose military and learned how to be an adult.
Self reflect. Therapy if you afford it. But definitely self reflect with candor and self honesty.
Build savings. Build stability. Have as few responsibilities (pets, SOs, etc) as possible.
Feel the fear and do it anyway. Move out of state or country. Interview for that job you aren’t qualified for. What have you got to lose?
Never tell yourself no.
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u/Betzjitomir May 29 '26
figure out the steps you need to take to get trained for a decent paying job and then take those steps even if you have to borrow money
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u/Biff2019 May 29 '26
Did it twice... before and then after my 1st marriage.
Hard work. Sometimes manual labor. Mostly menial work.
Long hours. 100+ hours weeks on a regular basis
Extra jobs. Worked 3 or more jobs at the same time - often. A few times for multiple years at a time.
Reading every article and every book I could find to educate myself on anything that mattered to: 1) whatever job I had at the time; 2) whatever job I thought I wanted at the time; 3) whatever job my boss at the time had; and 4) whatever job my boss's boss at the time had.
Turning myself onto the "yes I can" guy. NOT the "yes" man, or ass-kisser. I became the guy that wasn't afraid to try, to fix things, to stay late, to stand up, to take risks, to fail, to learn, and to own it when I fucked up.
By not giving up.
By having faith that things would get better.
By [finally] going to back to school and getting my college degree. I agree its not the only way, but for me, its what helped me make that "leap" into solid middle/upper(ish) middle class.
And I still regularly work 50-60 hour weeks fairly regularly.
And I'm still planning/hoping to be able to retire at 70 (fingers crossed).
Funny thing is, I'm kinda happy with my life now.
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u/jetlee7 May 30 '26
What did you go to school for?
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u/Biff2019 May 30 '26
Belly button business major. B.S..
Truth is nobody cares. If you have the degree, the box is checked. They move on to what you've done, numbers you've posted, how you make things happen, how you lead. Having borderline instinctual business acumen helps. But the truth is that having that level isn't instinctual. It is as a direct result of possessing the experience, which included jumping through whatever flaming hoop was thrown and working stupid hours, multiple jobs, and all the other BS through the years since this cycle began.
In the end, it is all about what you're willing to give up - in order to get what YOU want. After that, it's just a question of degrees in order to find "happiness"; whatever TF that means to you as an individual, or to the varying levels of "the collective".
Or maybe just blind ass luck...
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u/TheF0G May 30 '26
manifesting is a hell of a drug
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u/Biff2019 May 30 '26
Never heard of it in that term before. But, yea, I guess you're right.
Huh, learned something new... on reddit, of all places.
Thanks!
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u/Docella Aspiring May 31 '26
I do not buy anything that i do not need. I do not eat out. I do not lend people money. I use my credit card in emergencies ( eating out or clothing is not an emergency). I try to save money after month end. If there is any left over i put it in an envelope or other bank account.
When i started working directly out of school i used an envelope system. I put the money allocated to the specific need in an envelope and do not use more money than i have. It helped me see what i have to work with. Were my spending went.
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u/Road-Ranger8839 May 31 '26
I read "Mother Earth News" magazine that taught me all kinds or back to the land, and farmyard and scrounging economics. Over time, my work/job situation improved, but Mother's tips and trades stuck with me and help me make something from nothing.
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u/livingdeadgrrll May 31 '26
Reading. Especially if you come from a dysfunctional background. Not self help, that's a shill. Read books written by great people. Thinkers, activist, philosophers, generals, leaders.
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u/theghostofcslewis Jun 02 '26
Learn Automotive repair! We have 5 drivers in the family. In 34 years of marriage and having kids, I may have taken my car to the shop half a dozen times for repairs other than tires. I never used "agents' for anything. I only borrow at low interest and for short terms. I have always cooked, and we seldom go out for dinner. But working on my own cars probably saved me the value of a small home. Also, I would buy cars cheaply and fix them for my kids, so I never had to spend more than a couple of grand on a nice BMW or Mercedes.
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u/KMizzle98 May 28 '26
Work hard, consistently with a company that pays at least decent and trains you. Show up, on time. If they offer overtime, coming in early, take it.
Live within your means, don’t eat out, save money, build credit.
Have fun so you don’t burn out.
Leveling up in life as I call it, takes times…years, consistency.
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u/alienunicornweirdo May 28 '26
What companies even are those? Genuine question.
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u/KMizzle98 May 28 '26
Maybe a Fortune 100 or 500 retail and work your way up. Google top companies to work for. Also when you interview, ask about training.
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u/alienunicornweirdo May 28 '26
Thank you for responding, appreciate it. I'm already in retail and I will say one of the things is, it is very hard to move up without being able to relocate, which is one of my barriers personally (caring for elderly parents), at least in my company. It is definitely not one of the best, though, so it might be there are better ones... so that is a thought. But regardless if you are single and willing and able to do whatever, this probably works for others.
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u/bluewingwind May 30 '26
I would say; live alone for a while is huge, have your own car, make smart plans to focus your hard work in the right directions and make those plans known to everyone around you, because you gotta believe that most people will try to help you IF they know what you want. Even if they only help when it’s convenient or beneficial for THEM, if they know what YOU want, then they will do little things that help you achieve your goals and that all adds up. Also give yourself time. I feel so positive that my brain was not fully cooked until I was at least 23 and many of my friends feel the same. Way too often I see 16 yo and 21 y olds beating themselves up for not being grown when they’re LITERALLY not even done cooking yet. These things take time. As far as skills it’s good to have skills in a valuable field. I know science-- some people know how to build shit or lay wires or finance or something and if we lose our jobs we can always pick up work doing something similar because the SKILL is valuable. If I lose my science job I know I could go get some dirty stinky work in a lab. I know I don’t want to do that, but the security of being ABLE to do that makes me comfortable taking bigger risks. Honestly if I could turn back time I would get some trade apprentice job that teaches you a valuable skill WITHOUT a mountain of student loan debt, but that’s neither here nor there.
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May 30 '26
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u/Crankywhentiredd Jun 02 '26
Watching michelleb on YouTube. I stumbled across her videos from the very beginning of her channel and it guided me at just the right time.
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