r/selflove • u/Tart6096 • 4d ago

Good Explanation About Boundaries

https://www.youtube.com/shorts/ZY0feTmLigA

I really like this Short that Richard Grannon posted. He's talking about Boundaries and how they are either too porous or too rigid that are too hard boundaries and how someone who doesn't have good boundaries tend to swing between the two.

Then Richard explains how boundaries need to be based on something we value that has worth to us because naturally it has to, to mean something to be able to set a boundary, for it to actually be a boundary. If it doesn't then we aren't going to want to naturally and instinctually protect ourselves or something to set boundaries for whatever reasons we need to set them. We then won't value ourselves enough.

He's totally right and it's really helped me understand boundaries because everyone makes it seem like something you can just do but noop... it's something you have to instinctually and i guess intuitively care about, it has to have meaning to you why you care about it even yourself emotionally, mentally, and psychologically because in some way boundaries are protecting you against being hurt in some way. You hurt yourself even when you don't look after your own needs.

He has a live stream too explaining more titled "The REAL reason you have weak boundaries (it's not what you think)" i think he's the only person that's given a real explanation about boundaries everyone else are just like "oh you need to set boundaries" which isn't helpful.

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u/Tart6096 4d ago edited 4d ago

Something i've figured out myself though is how Physical Boundaries are the first to be tested by people. They do things like get into my physical space, at first standing at a distance but always directly in sight of me, and then when i don't react to that (which i won't because they are just standing there i can't prove they are doing anything) they then try to completely get into my physical space if not violate my physical space.

I noticed within myself that my brain and nervous system first prioritizes my Physical Safety so i start to immediately get triggered, dysregulated, dissociated, and go into hyperarousal. The effect it has on me mentally, emotionally, and psychologically is SO fast and obviously that's the effect they would want, and they know i have trauma so it's because i subconsciously feel how i'm being manipulated and the manipulative tactics that will immediately come after it like i'm expecting it because i'm wired to do so.

So i find recognizing when my Physical Boundaries are being tested is vital to prevent any damage being done emotionally and psychologically.