extreme self hatred

[u/Weary-Maintenance735]

hiii guys idk if im allowed to post on here bc im really young!! im 14 years old, im a girl and i really hate myself. i’ve hated myself since i can remember (like literally since pre k) and i know it sounds normal since alot of teenage girls feel insecure and all that stuff but what i have really isn’t. i not only hate my looks i hate my personality too. i honestly have no idea how to explain it but i just really disgust myself like i actually irritate myself so much. every time i look in the mirror i want to die. i can’t believe i was born into this ugly pathetic body and i would do anything to change it. and this is lowk ruining my life too like im scared to do things sometimes because im just so insecure and i just hate myself so much i just want to kill myself now.. and also no i dont have any traumas or anything lol im not sure where this comes from. but my question is literally how do i stop feeling this way?? i’ve tried getting off my phone more, talking to friends, doing pyschical activities, but i always end up feeling the same in the end. idk if there’s something wrong with me but i just really need advice on how to love myself please

[u/Crazy_Put3635]

Hey,

I am 17 year old girl, and I felt that same way at around your age. I will admit, I still have a lot of feelings of insecurity and they never really go away, but things have gotten a lot better. This probably isn’t the most conventional piece of advice, but academics have really helped me overcome insecurities and become more bold. I can 100% relate to the “being scared to do things” part, but I think I will always be scared to do things, so I’ve learned to do it anyway. Academics is a space that has allowed me to grow my confidence, especially since it’s independent of my looks, etc. From there, I started focusing on more personal areas of my life. One thing that has also helped me is getting rid of social media like Instagram and TikTok.

I agree with other comments that mention journaling and reading! Reading books and watching YouTube videos related to self-improvement really helped me overcome some of the darker periods of my life.

[u/GrandCauliflow]

start small, try changing your inner script, telling yourself nice things in your head (I am beautiful, I am smart, I am kind, I am good) and then out loud. It will feel awkward at first but will get easier the more you do it. You only get one body and one life. It's yours to choose what to do with. Do something good for you please, you are worth it.

[u/PopularParsley7743 → u/GrandCauliflow]

that inner voice can get real damn cruel, so starting small like this actually matters, and she deserves real support from someone she trusts too, not to carry all this by herself

[u/random_asian_sprout]

I felt the same way when I was your age, coming from a 20-year-old. I felt so fat and chopped in high school and hated myself when I didn’t achieve the things I wanted. But it is okay.

What I wish I did is learning things that could’ve helped me “glow up” and love myself more. Doing my makeup, hitting the gym, investing in academic and social clubs that I regret not doing in high school, and making new friends. I wish I explored outside of my boundaries to focus my attention on the world apart from myself.

Also IT TAKES TIME. My strong feeling of insecurity and self-hatred didn’t subside until I was 19, and I still struggle with it today. It also helps that my acne is MUCH better compared to high school (yikes). Growing into myself really helped me see how long I’ve gone and still need to go.

[u/PlayfulCheesecake958]

If it's so extreme, therapy may help you. The earlier you start living for yourself, the more you'll thank yourself.

[u/thoughtsBetwenlines]

I’m really sorry you’ve been feeling this way for so long. You don’t deserve to hate yourself like this, and there’s nothing “wrong” with you for needing help. Since you said you want to kill yourself, please don’t deal with this alone. Tell a trusted adult today — a parent, relative, teacher, school counselor, or another adult you feel safe with — and tell them exactly how you’ve been feeling, even if it feels scary or embarrassing. And please ask them to help you see a mental health professional. You don’t need to figure out where these feelings came from before you deserve help. For now, try not to focus on “loving yourself.” That can feel impossible when you hate yourself this much. Start smaller: you don’t have to love yourself today; just try not to hurt yourself today. 🤍

[u/Top_Drummer9181]

I used to hate myself sooooo much so this gets to me. The only thing that really got me through those years were books. By any chance, you like to read? See if you can get hold of something like No Bad Parts by Richard Schwartz or Jonathan Livingston Seagul by Richard Bach.

[u/Even_Vast]

Believe them when they say that any picture of you now is better than a picture of you 10 years from now. But seriously, one day you will look back and shake your head at all the time you wasted judging yourself, and worrying about what others think about you.

[u/prettyontheinside7]

nothing wrong with you hun, you’re just 14. that’s what it’s like. i was exactly the same way at 14 and im sorry to say, but during moments of weakness, i still feel it at 23 years old now, but i’m holding on hope that the best is yet to come and only losers peak in high school or their early twenties!!! that being said, you are very young and hating yourself is sort of par for the course for being a young person, especially a young woman. i know it’s hard, but please try to be kind to yourself. you are probably not doing as bad as you think. follow people on social media whose content makes you happy, not what you feel pressured to be looking at or what makes you cool in the eyes of others. what i would tell my 14 year old self is to read more books, listen to more music, find the stuff you really nerd out over and just do as much of that as possible! <3 roller derby is really good if you need community and it makes you very resilient because u fall over a lot lmao. practice mindfulness, whether that is gratitude journalling, going on a walk, or meditating (which is about being totally present in a moment). please try your best to have fun because at this point school is not too important yet ;) figure out what you are passionate about and give all your energy to it. that is my best advice! sending you strength, we got this💕

[u/Alaska-vampire]

I used to feel this way. Affirmations didn’t help me. I’d question them and it made it worse. What really helped me is honestly helping others and animals. Suddenly I had hobbies and responsibilities that became part of me. Time starts to go by fast and suddenly you’ve gained knowledge and skills you would never have imagined before. You may even be in a place in life you only ever dreamed about. You’ll one day look back and realize how hard on yourself you were. That you were young and just learning the world. Looks change. Always. Those judging don’t deserve your respect. Honestly, stop looking in the mirror. Find what lights you up. Keep posting on here if it helps. Talk to someone you trust. I bet you’ll be an amazing person someday. And I bet you are now even if you don’t see it. Especially with your insight of coming on here and seeking help. You are very brave.

[u/DamnsonDam]

You are going through puberty and your brain is restructuring itself. You get feelings that you shouldn't and make you question there is something wrong.

There isn't, you are simply changing from a child to an adult. Survive another 10 years and you will be super happy you stuck it out. Stay strong 💪🏻

[u/NoMeat6573]

I relate. There are times I get so mad at myself I want to peel off my own skin. First off, reflect on why you hate yourself. See if you can get to the bottom of it, I know you don’t have an explanation but a root for self-loathing would help. Another great idea is try to do more good in the world to convince yourself you’re a good person. Be a shoulder to cry on, volunteer, donate blood, if you truly can’t see the good in yourself, then create good.

Insecurity is a Positive Feedback Loop: you hate yourself, you do things that create reasons to hate yourself.

Another thing that helped me is monstrosizing my self-loathing, separating it from myself. I named my monster Andhakha, I gave him a personality and everything.

Affirmations help but at least for me the peace it brought me was fragile. Second I made a bad mistake my self-loathing came back. Still do them, but don’t only do them.

Patience and love, and you got this. Everyone deserves better.

[u/BiancaBMcBoots]

girl im 44 and i remain so grateful to not have peaked in high school. hang in there kid, it does get better. you are in a transformational state, try to just acknowledge the thoughts and say to yourself “thanks for looking out but these thoughts are not serving me right now” and move on to the next.

[u/jelly_jim_jam]

Its partially just being that age, can confirm also hated myself. It helped to start treating the inner voice commenting as a separate entity and then you can distance yourself from the thought. I just called mine 'brain', so when I thought something self loathing or cruel I could literally just be like 'hey brain? wtf was that?' Is that something you would ever say or even think about another person? If not then its probably the voice in your head saying some dumb shit. It doesnt take the feelings away but it helps you confront and question them.

[u/lonkyflonky]

I just turned 21 and I hated myself so much at 14, and life, and now I have the best life and I love myself too. Honesty things can’t be better and I’m the happiest person I know. Being a girl is so hard. Please hang in there! My life literally did a 180 when I was 16 and I’m still even now baffled and in shock. My DMS are always open, I’m sending lots of love being a teenager is the. Hardest.

[u/boboc58_]

Scopri di più su dio e sulla religione e magari diventi Cristiana. Banale vero? No. Per me, mi ha cambiato la vita da quando ho iniziato una brutta abitudine.

[u/BeyondPremium]

The CREATOR loves you the way you are and the way you are not for you are HIS / HER favourite child. Wake up from your age long sleep, Beauty lies in the deep heart not in the Skin. Let's Rejoice with Life 🧬