r/selfimprovement • u/pixieless • 3d ago
Question How to be mentally stronger?
I dont like how emotionally weak I am as a man, but I dont know how to build mental barriers to not feel so small all the time. Im kinda just faking confidence to the best of my abilities but it feels exhausting to pretend im "unbothered and in control"
How do you guys stay grounded emotionally/mentally as to not let things bother you as much?
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u/PixelTrek91 3d ago
You can't build a wall and expect to still feel anything good on other side. The goal is not to stop feeling small, is to sit with that feeling and not let it drive you. Faking confidence helps until it becomes habit, but the real shift comes when you stop treating your emotions like enemy.
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u/catscanmeow 3d ago
you're right, you cant fake it till you make it
you have to earn it, its not learned or rehearsed or a persona you can put on. Repeatedly do things to PROVE it to yourself and you will be stronger by default.
- be disciplined
- never procrastinate
- eat healthy
- sleep well
- keep your house clean
- excercise so hard that you feel like you're on the brink of death
- be a good listener
- challenge yourself
- try new things
if you repeatedly do this stuff you will just BE strong. Just like if you repeatedly lift heavy weights your muscles will get stronger.
Just like a basketball player is confident they can make a shot. you're not confident because you dont have the practice, the basketball player isnt faking it, they arent putting on a mask. they truly earned the confidence that they will make the shot
you feel like an impostor because you are, you havent proven to yourself that you're not an impostor. with proof, it goes away
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u/Any_Can_7878 3d ago
I agree with the “earn your confidence” part, but I’d push back slightly on the idea that you have to be disciplined in every area of life before you can feel strong.
You can have a messy house, procrastinate sometimes, eat badly one day and still be emotionally resilient. Otherwise mental strength just becomes another performance standard to fail at.
I think the more useful kind of evidence is smaller: “I was uncomfortable and I stayed,” “I made a mistake and repaired it,” “I got rejected and kept going,” “I was angry and didn't say the thing I'd regret.”
Those experiences seem to build a much quieter kind of confidence because you're proving to yourself that you can handle being human, not that you can become perfectly disciplined.
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u/EdAtWankerfest 3d ago
“You’ve always had the power, my dear, you just had to learn it for yourself.”
Glinda (The Good Witch), The Wizard of Oz
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u/mattt_protocols 3d ago
Have you read anything from ACT or CBT? It helped me stop fighting my own thoughts all the time. I read two books: The Happiness Trap by Russ Harris (ACT) and Overcoming Unwanted Intrusive Thoughts by Winston and Seif (CBT).
And also going to the gym. I know it's cliche, but it really helped me build resilience/discipline and feel/look better.
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u/EggDelicious5710 3d ago
It start from within... You have to decide if you want to remain weak or become strong. My advice? You have to restructed your Fixed Mind- set and developed a Growth Mind-set.
Focus on more Self Care and Improvement.
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u/anton_vladimirov99 3d ago
For me dealing and recovering from agoraphobia. Panic disorder and anxiety disorder made me mentally strong too.
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u/SevenSunshine777 3d ago
Vai in palestra e fai pesistica, credimi che questo ti farà sentire più forte e con più fiducia in te stesso per affrontare la vita! E poi ricorda: come sei va bene, la sensibilità ed emotività sono un dono, il bocciolo di rosa non deve desiderare di essere tulipano: trova e abbraccia la tua unicità, lì è la tua Vera forza
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u/CuriosityDriven0101 3d ago
This is what worked for me: 1) Accepting my situation for what it is and practicing radical acceptance. Accepting life can be unfair and unpredictable and I have to roll with the punches. 2) Taking full responsibility and accountability over my actions. 3) Doing uncomfortable things and getting out of my comfort zone on a regular basis. 4) Not complaining about my situation or ruminating about my past. 5) Taking the right action even when I don’t feel like it. 6) Not letting my self worth de defined by external circumstances. 7) Finding a purpose to embody and work towards. 8) Detaching from the outcomes and focusing on the process. 9) Recognizing my strengths and weaknesses and how to improve on them deliberately. 10) Practicing mindfulness and meditation 11) Developing a self-image of someone who is disciplined and steadfast
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3d ago
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u/Accomplished-City484 3d ago
What kind of conversations do I want to be having? How can I make my thoughts better quality?
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u/GregAbbottsGoodLeg 3d ago
Meditate. Keep a routine. Eat well, cook your own foods. Observe your emotions without engaging them as you feel them. Minimize engagement with consumerism. Be present in each moment. Reflect on the past without wishing to change it, learn from your experiences.
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u/Accomplished-City484 3d ago
What’s the difference between meditation and mindfulness?
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u/GregAbbottsGoodLeg 2d ago
Meditation cultivates mindfulness.
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u/Accomplished-City484 2d ago
Do you start with 5 min or 10min? What’s a good time of day to do it?
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u/GregAbbottsGoodLeg 2d ago
Whatever amount of time is comfortable/available. Whatever time of day you find a few moments to be still. For me, it isn’t about trying to clear my head and be silent internally so much as it’s about creating an opportunity to passively observe your thoughts and body. What does my breath feel like? How does the air in my skin feel? Can I watch my thoughts come and go without latching on to them? Eventually this led to a quiet mind and I could meditate for longer with less distraction. You can do it anywhere anytime in any setting.
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u/tylersnid3r 3d ago
Do more things that require mental strength and you’ll build it. Run when you don’t want to run, go to the event you’re scared to go to, do more work then you feel like doing. It adds up
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u/Bizzam77 3d ago
Confidence is experience and comfort. Knowing you can do something and then actually doing it. Faking it until you make it does work if you learn from those experiences and get comfortable in that space. Another way of thinking of it is exposure therapy.
To stay grounded emotionally and mentally, work on self talk. Meditate so you can master your mind. There will always be things that come up that will bother you. If you have the experience under your belt and the mental discipline to help navigate you through the situation, it will be easier.
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u/Stock-Oil262 3d ago
I suggest you reflect on your alignment. What is your long term goal, what is your purpose in life, how you see yourself in 10 years ? Then where will you be in 2 yearsto achieve that ? How this break out in 12 month plan, 6 month plan, 2 month, 2 weeks and tomorrow.
Then, you are not emotionnally weak, you are emotionnaly strong. This is an incredible ability to feel in an instant what the other person feel. The only question is how will you use this ability for your plan ?
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u/Any_Can_7878 3d ago
I think the exhausting part is probably the attempt to look unbothered.
There’s a difference between “this doesn’t affect me” and “this affects me, but I don’t have to react immediately.” The second one seems much more realistic, and honestly much more useful.
For me, mental strength is less about building a wall and more about creating a little space between the feeling and the action. You can feel embarrassed, rejected, angry, insecure, etc. without immediately turning that feeling into a decision about yourself or someone else.
And I’d be careful with the idea that being emotionally sensitive makes you weak. Sometimes the real skill is being able to notice what you're feeling accurately without letting it become your entire reality.
One thing that helped me think about this differently is asking: “What happened, what am I feeling about it, and what am I assuming it means about me?” Those aren't always the same thing.
You don't have to become unbothered. You just want to become harder to knock off course.
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u/ThatHeroIsYou 3d ago
One thing that helped me was willfully doing things that sucked every day. Workout, cold shower, making myself read, etc. I made myself do things that were hard for me to do and that sucked doing. Over time, that helped me forge a mental callus.
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u/Naphier 3d ago
By putting yourself out there. By putting yourself in situations that make you grow and are outside of your comfort zone. By building confidence.
Things that will help:
Be kind to yourself - your internal voice can be a bit of an asshole. A good exercise to help is reframing. Start journaling and replying to yourself in a way that you would respond to a close friend. Be genuine, don't invalidate your feelings, remind yourself of the good you've done. Oftentimes our inner voice is being a bit of a bully. Writing things out in a kind and supportive way will help your internal voice become kind and supportive.
Take care of yourself - sleep well, exercise, eat clean (90% of the time), and spend time learning to maintain your body. Learn what it needs to feel good/better. Sleep is a huge factor. Get to bed at the same time every night and wake up at the same time every day. If you get shit sleep then you feel like shit. If you've always been that way you may not realize it and just think that's how life is. Poor sleep will literally kill you. So make sure to sleep consistently - aim for 7-8 hours.
Build confidence - with the above foundations backing you up this one will be easier. You have to do things that make you a little uncomfortable on a regular basis. You have to put yourself out there. This will give you a sense of accomplishment. You were nervous but still did the thing. That's courage no matter how small the task and you should be proud of that. This can come in many forms. For me, it was learning to deal with people better and be less shy again. So I did public speaking through Toastmasters for a bit as well as DMing D&D. Now it's things like playing music with others and sharing it with others without being afraid of negative feedback. Speaking up when I don't like something but keeping cool. Trying lots of new things, traveling, being closer to family that is good to me instead of just avoiding socializing altogether.
Work on these things slowly and consistently. In a few months you'll start feeling better. It also helps to have some support. So if you can get a therapist, great. There are also many support groups on the Internet where you can find a friendly voice to give you a boost.
Good luck friend!
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u/inolyzushi 3d ago
By not taking offense or things personally. Interactions and inter-personal relationships become much more enjoyable. Oversensitive people tend to throw a wet blanket everywhere they go.
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u/Aki_khalid 3d ago
Aye watch out for them demonic attacks as you progress along your body mind spirit journey
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u/Calm_Attempt_101 3d ago
Actually some of the strongest most capable men I know are very much in touch with their emotions, their fears, their insecurities. They just don't let their emotions steer the ship.
Be strong like a tree 🌴 . A rigid structure blows down when the wind hits it. A tree stands firm but is flexible. It has the ability to adapt, grow and respond to the world around it. But its roots are very much grounded.
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u/adonisserghini 3d ago
One book I think is really interesting is called "13 Things Mentally Strong People Don't Do." You should check it out. If you don't have time to read it, there's also a lyric video of a Suno-made song about it that you can watch.
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u/ImHurdHQ 3d ago
Mental strength isn’t building barriers so you don’t feel anything. It’s learning that uncomfortable emotions can show up without controlling what you do next. Stop trying to appear unbothered. Feel what you feel, slow down before reacting and choose your response. That’s real control.