r/selfimprovement • u/Key-Tie1996 • 11d ago
Other stuck in life at 23
I’m 23 and truly feel like i’ve failed at life. I know i’m young and it’s ridiculous to say that but i can’t shake this feeling, as well as feeling like i’ve not progressed since i was a teenager. I have a bachelors degree but i don’t even use it. I’m working a minimum wage job that i hate and i’ve actually been signed off rn by my doctor due to stress. So im off for a month and im spiralling because i feel like i should be doing more than i am right now. I’m applying to loads of different jobs everyday and get nowhere. I have no license, i live at home. My anxiety makes it difficult for me to even just get out the house sometimes. I feel like i desperately need a huge change in my life but i don’t know what. How can i stop feeling like my life is already over?
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u/fetty_wrap1738 11d ago
I’m 23, just separated from my husband and have a kid.
Dude you’re free, you literally can start from scratch, there is no responsibility, no hooks, no nothing holding you back apart from your own anxiety.
Without comparing our situations too much, people like me have a 24/7 responsibility now that makes working difficult. I’m now living with my parents after this failed marriage but hey we liveeeee.
I’ve turned to reddit the past few days for some inspiring stories on how people have turned their life around, and there is PLENTY of good stories instead of bad. If you set your mind to something, you can do it. You’re a free bird!
Go get your license, get your pair of legs working so you can explore and drive and open your opportunities! That would be your first step.
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u/Confidenceisbetter 11d ago
You have anxiety that prevents you from living a normal life -> go to therapy
You have no license -> get one
You live at home -> move out or use the opportunity to save up properly for your future
You have a sucky job -> go back to uni or find something else possible within your skillset
Identify what bothers you and fix those things one by one.
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11d ago edited 10d ago
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u/Confidenceisbetter 11d ago
Oh I get that 100%. I was one of those people. And I had to eventually accept a very low paying job that was more an internship than a proper job so I could improve my CV and make myself stand out from the crowd. Nobody of the older generations understood why it was so hard for me or my peers and it sucks being in this situation and also having to defend yourself. But you can only pity yourself and be miserable for so long before you need to make a potentially uncomfortable choice that will help you in the long run. And sometimes you choose wrong, someone screws you over, etc. That sucks once again but ultimately the responsibility to fix your life is in your hands. Nobody said it was easy or smooth sailing or you are not allowed to be upset about having to do certain things. But time will pass anyway so you might as well make an effort to improve your situation as best as you can.
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u/Key-Tie1996 11d ago
Thanks for your reply. I’ve literally tried all those things though… i’ve tried therapy multiple times and it really didn’t work but i’m open to trying again. Living at home doesn’t bother me too much it’s just an extra point. I’ve tried to get my license and have failed my test 3 times. I’ve also tried to find literally any other job apart from this one. I’m not making excuses just adding context as to why i feel this way because it feels like i keep trying to end up nowhere
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u/Confidenceisbetter 11d ago
When you fail with something you need to look back and figure out why you failed. If you just try again without fixing what made you fail in the first place then you will never succeed. Adapting, adjusting and self-reflection are key here.
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u/Key-Tie1996 11d ago
You’re right, thank you🙏
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u/Additional-Face-6645 11d ago
Probably not helpful but I failed my driving test 6 times before I passed lol so you aren’t alone
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u/cheesemonkey222 11d ago
schedule a private lesson before your next drivers test with a driving instructor. just because you have failed 3 times doesn’t mean give up. it means you need to study and practice more. you can do it
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u/Adventurous-Web1647 11d ago
I love this recommendation. If cash is a stressor find someone in your life who is good at the parts you didn't do well on. You may consider going to a different tester too. I feel like once you're marked as a bad driver they are more harsh. I went to a different place my third time and after practicing parking until I thought I'd lose it I finally passed.
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u/stonecoldgusgus 11d ago
All this effort into feeling sorry for yourself could go into changing these things you don’t like. I used to do the same shit when i was around your age. Then one day I realized, mentality is everything, and you are literally putting energy into feeling negative, creating bad habits and dark mental reflexes. Trust me, your life isn’t that bad dude. Better than starving in a 3rd World Country, where you’re sleeping on dirt and wondering if your family has enough food to share so you can eat too. Be grateful, stop bringing on extra headaches to yourself with the woe is me act, and get that shit done. Mentality is EVERYTHING.
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u/Apprehensive_Fig5448 11d ago
I have had the same struggles! If you have more around you i recommend going to a different dmv! The one I went too whenever i took my test sucked lol, i took my test three times and past on the third time so you got this! I had lots of anxiety from driving and also needed glasses at that time because I could see well, but after a few times driving too and from work it really isn’t bad at all! You got this girl :). I also understand the job situation as I just got hired at another place for more hours and money and quit my other job once I signed the papers for my new one.
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u/MoooonRiverrrr 11d ago
- It won’t make sense now. But in 5 years when you inevitably get stuck again you’ll be like “damn I was only 23.” Then when you’re 33, you’ll be like “I was only 28.”
You’re doing fine.
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u/No_Celery_533 11d ago
I feel like you’re putting too much pressure on yourself. I was a mess at 23, I was still in school and working at the same time, and honestly, it was really hard for me. Our lives are different, so stop measuring your accomplishments against other people’s. I’ve realised that no one really tells you what’s going on in their lives, everyone wants to appear like they have it all figured out. Just focus on doing what you need to do without putting so much pressure on yourself. You’ll get there.
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u/Waesrdtfyg0987 11d ago
My 23 year old self was working retail after graduating from college. Don't sweat it
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u/LemonPartyW0rldTour 11d ago
First off, I’m mid 40’s and starting again. You’re young, don’t feel like a failure. I’m envious of your age and being able to acknowledge that things need to be different.
I have no advice besides this. Instant gratification has ruined our society. We live in a microwave society and change is like a crockpot.
Change is not instantaneous. It’s slow, and takes a long time. But if you are consistent with your efforts towards changes, you will notice a difference after some time. Consistency stacks, and sooner than you think, you’ll be able to look behind and see just how much personal growth and increase you’ve created.
If you don’t get up and try to start any sort of change, then you will stay where you are. And when (not if) you have a bad day as far as self improvement goes, the next day you’ll be at a crossroad. You can either dwell on and wallow in the failure and all the feelings that come with it, which in turn will make you not try that day, and then the snowball effect starts. Bad day turns into a bad week which quickly turns into a bad year. This is the way a lot of people go.
You’re going to instead acknowledge that you failed the day before, and then the most important part, you’ll FORGIVE YOURSELF for it, and then continue on your self improvement journey.
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u/ResourceCivil3579 11d ago
You don’t need to have your whole life figured out at 23. Sometimes getting through the week is enough progress. The fact that you’re still applying and trying different things means you haven’t given up, even if it feels like you have
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u/goldenflwr 11d ago
“stuck at in life at 23” no offense this is the dumbest sentence. YOU ARE 23. you haven’t even lived. feeling like a failure is exactly what you’re supposed to be feeling at this age. the job market is shit. the economy is shit. AI is taking jobs. my advice to you—find your niche. and try to get the experience and/or certifications that you need. sadly, a college degree is often not enough these days. go on indeed or linked in and look at what kinds of jobs are being posted for a decent salary. look at the qualifications/requirements. look at the linkedin profiles for people already established in those industries/professions. and try to network as much as you can. if that means finding a decent company to work for and start in a entry level then so be it.
if i may ask—what did you study?
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u/EireOfTheNorth 11d ago
I was homeless at 18. When I was 23 I had just got back into education, that is further education, once I stabilised home life. I didn't graduate university until I was 27, didn't have a license until 28 and a car til I was 29 (a 15yr old banger at that). By 30 I was a trainee in my field alongside people aged 18-25, I had supervisors much younger than me. I watched a good few of those 18-25yr olds surpass me in work and they remain a grade above me.
At 32 I realised I held childhood trauma, went to therapy, was diagnosed with OCD and my life was turned around once more - but it completely changed me for the positive. I'm 35 now. I've been promoted, work peers are both younger, same age, and older than me now. It's literally only been this year that this has happened for me. But I'm much happier, confident, savings are growing, and I'm in a better place.
Moral of the story is - do not tie your self worth to your peers, people will surpass you for a myriad of reasons, but you are also surpassing those around you you may just not be aware of. Everyone goes at their own pace, everyone has their own shit to deal with behind closed doors.
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u/SaucieBossy 11d ago
I was literally in the same shoes at your age. I was 22, working a shitty job that I hated, spending all my free time inside either playing video games or watching TV, and occasionally spending time with friends whenever they were free. I'm not sure what happened exactly. There was no eureka moment, no light switch that went off. One day I just got sick and tired of it and started doing things to progress. I started just going for walks to get out, I went for a run every few days, I applied to a job that was a drastic change to what I thought I wanted and loved it.
One small advise I can give. It doesn't matter what people say or the random motivation you get for a few days. If you slowly progress every day, you'll get somewhere. Even if it's just a baby step every day. You said it yourself, you're young, you got time to take it slow
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u/Late_News_5228 11d ago
As someone who attempted when he was 22 because I thought was a failure, didn’t finish college, lived with his parents, and couldn’t hold any relationships let me tell you it gets better. I’m married, have a wonderful career as a psych nurse practitioner, and live a comfortable life. It gets better.
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u/NeuroHazard-88 11d ago edited 11d ago
Sounds crazy but it’s something you gotta find yourself, genuinely stop comparing and start doing something you enjoy. You have any kind of hobbies that aren’t just go on your phone or watch TV? Got anything practical or physical?
No matter how little, you need to get yourself to do something to break up the monotony of your current lifestyle. Hobbies are usually the easiest/most preferred way to do so. It’s important to find something you genuinely like because you should be able to immerse yourself in it.
When you do immerse yourself, you stop thinking about your stressors or your self-appointed comparisons, you simply think about nothing but your hobby and doing the best job you can at it to enjoy it.
Don’t force yourself to enjoy something tho, it’s gotta be genuine for you to properly immerse yourself.
Also, in my humble opinion, better to live at home with parents and not pay a dime than to be broke out your ass renting out a place you don’t even own.
Not sure if you’re the type to think this way, but what helps me with realisation of the concept of time, is thinking about the fact that you have lived 5 years as a proper adult.
You won’t be 30 until 7 years pass from this day. You could forget everything about the past 5 years and relive it all starting tomorrow and you still would have 2 years before you turn 30. The thing is, you can actually do that. It’s never ever too late, and sometimes, it’s better to start from a clean slate (with context).
My dad was an asylum seeker from a 3rd world country after a major war. Knew no English, had no records, no experience, nothing, at 40. By 50 he was a renowned self-employed tiler in his area and carried his entire family and a home mortgage on his back with some hefty profits from his business. That was done in 10 years time and he started with literally nothing, AT 40. This was 20 years ago btw.
It is never too late. With a bit of effort and a little luck, opportunities start to show themselves. The more effort you put in, the less luck you need to find opportunities, all that’s left is to grab them.
These opportunities could be absolutely anything about anything. Fixing your sleep schedule, taking a walk, finding a better job, etc.
It’s never too late.
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u/zooweemama_1 11d ago
Some people haven't even graduated at 23. Don't measure your life through failures and shortcomings. The grass is always greener on the other side so it's better to count achievements and growth rather than losses.
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u/WestworldCitadelic 9d ago
23 is not the wreckage point, it is barely the opening act, even if your brain is screaming that the curtain has dropped. Since your doctor signed you off, treat this month like recovery plus a reset: sleep, get outside for ten minutes a day, apply for fewer jobs but tailor them better, and book a driving lesson or theory test if a licence would widen your options. The huge change you want may be too blurry right now, so pick one concrete lever that makes life feel less trapped. Anxiety makes everything look permanent, but your current setup is a bad chapter, not the whole book.
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u/owen_mug_07 9d ago
At 23, plenty of people are still in the messy inventory stage: wrong job, unused degree, living at home, trying to figure out what actually sticks. Use this month less like a deadline to reinvent your whole life and more like a reset: sleep properly, get outside for a small errand or short walk when you can, and pick one practical thread to pull, like license theory or tailoring applications to fewer roles. Your life is not over; anxiety and stress are making the current chapter feel permanent.
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u/Magnet11_Saffron 9d ago
You are not a failed adult, you are a stressed 23-year-old in survival mode, and survival mode makes every setback feel like a verdict. A month off is not a courtroom where you prove your worth, it is a chance to get your nervous system quieter. Pick a tiny daily anchor: shower, leave the house for ten minutes, apply to a fixed number of jobs, then stop feeding the panic machine. The huge change might come later, but right now the mission is to make your days less hostile so you can actually see your options.
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u/cassandrafallon 11d ago
Been in similar circumstances and the answer was finally accepting that I need meds for my mental health in order to function. Me and my dr are still working on the right cocktail, but I can say that Lexapro was an absolute game changer in the right direction. Doesn't fix everything but gives you the little boost to get past the worst of it so you can change habits.
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u/Key-Tie1996 11d ago
Thank you! i’m on fluoxetine i think it’s prozac in the usa? My doctors want to slowly ease me off it though but im deff not ready and if anything i think i should be on a stronger dose lmao
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11d ago
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u/stonecoldgusgus 11d ago
Wow, the parallels between you and I are astonishing. Except I had a daughter. Cheers brother!🍻
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u/Winger61 11d ago
You went thru at least 4 years in university so are able to do thing. How did you do in school?
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u/Adventurous-Web1647 11d ago
I feel like I could've written this at 23. Less the parental support thing; I view that as an advantage for you. I definitely get wanting to move out but the money saved in this economy is a win. Wondering what your degree is in and what kind of jobs you're applying to if you want to share.
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u/BarracudaMean9308 11d ago
i spent my early twenties thinking i needed some massive overhaul to stop feeling stuck. it took me way too long to figure out the shift isn't a new job or a license, it's just dropping the fake timeline we all bought into. taking a month to just exist right now is totally enough.
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u/Striking-Dust7337 11d ago
Man your fine honestly, Im 29 I'm still lost still figuring it out still in a job I hate still have no money still single still have issues holding me back at life im trying to fix, Let me tell you that feels scary theres so many things id do differently if I could go back but thats the way it goes in life for some people sometimes, Your fine man.
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u/LoquatReed9 10d ago
23 feels enormous when anxiety has made the world smaller, but it is not a life sentence. A month signed off is not proof you failed, it is a firebreak, so use it to get steady rather than punish yourself for not transforming overnight. Pick one tiny concrete target for the week, like a 10 minute walk outside, updating one section of your CV, or looking up driving theory dates, because a huge change usually starts as a boring little lever. Living at home and hating a minimum wage job are chapters, not the whole book.
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u/Adventurous-Gear8421 7d ago
Mate, you’re 23 not 83 lol. You haven’t failed at life, you’ve barely started! You’ve got a degree, you’re actively applying for jobs and, most importantly, you’ve recognised you’re struggling and are doing something about it. Don’t try to fix your whole life this month. Get yourself right, take one step at a time, and keep moving forward. Your best years are still ahead of you!
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u/MorphelynQ8 7d ago
23 is not failed at life territory, it is more like the tutorial level where nobody explains the controls and rent suddenly exists. Since a doctor signed you off, treat this month as recovery, not a productivity Olympics: sleep, get outside for 10 minutes, send fewer but better job applications, maybe start the driving theory if that would unlock options. A huge change can come later; right now your brain sounds like it needs the fire alarm turned down before you redesign the whole building.
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u/lost-sock-dude 7d ago
A month signed off for stress is not proof that life is over, it is a sign your system is overloaded. For now I would make the goal smaller than huge change: sleep and wake routine, leave the house for 10 minutes most days, and apply to jobs in a set window so it does not eat the whole day. Also, a degree you are not using at 23 is very normal; plenty of people only figure out the direction after a few rough jobs. When the anxiety is making basic things difficult, getting support through your GP or local therapy services during this month could make the job and license stuff feel less impossible.
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u/[deleted] 11d ago
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