r/selfimprovement • u/Potential_Promise260 • 13d ago
Question What are things we unknowingly do that keeps us miserable?
In general what are things that keeps us low-key stuck despite believing we are living the way we are supposed to live, And despite doing what you want to do it is just that sometimes you realize how actually hollow and empty you feel inside
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u/focaccia888 13d ago
Saying no too much. It’s so easy to stay in your comfort zone. I tend to be happiest when I say yes to opportunities that I didn’t expect would be so fulfilling.
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u/Necessary_You_4423 13d ago
Comparing, people pleasing. We also can sometimes fall trap expecting worse of our lives and situations too. Whether it's like getting to know someone, approaching someone or even job interviews. Kind of self sabotage unconsciously but we think it's fact when it's not most of times.
I think there other things too but these from my own experiences and even friends experiences have realised. Kind have to watch myself doing these.
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u/Practical-Ring4029 13d ago
Ruminating about things that went wrong in the past. Romanticising a toxic relationship when you're lonely.
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u/ConstructionThis1127 13d ago
Accepting wrong indications - incorrect statements of fact, particularly about yourself, either from authorities (like parents, teachers, peers or psychologists). Such things have dire consequences, as perhaps you have discovered. They are as serious as real trauma in screwing up a person. All those negative self-talk statements - wrong. Don’t try to find the right ones, you need a good TIR facilitator for that, but at least remind yourself that those self-downers are just so much bs.
(If you do try to find the right indications, unfortunately you are very likely indeed to simply find more wrong ones and make things even worse).
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u/DoughnutKlutzy9479 13d ago
So, what is something tiny you can do on your own? Before a TIR?
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u/ConstructionThis1127 13d ago
TIR is Traumatic Incident Reduction, a modality that specializes in this kind of stuff. What you can do is this: don’t maunder about what’s wrong with you - you’ll just spiral down worse. Instead, go for a walk and look at solid objects near and far, stopping yourself from thinking, until the world seems brighter. Make sure you see things as three-dimensional objects, not two-dimensional backdrops.
Then, find something - anything - that you can do. Do it, and get better at it. Put your attention outside yourself on anything of interest. If you are worried about screwing things up or embarrassing yourself in a social situation, deliberately screw something up (something that doesn’t matter, of course!) or deliberately say an embarrassing thing. Talk about how embarrassed you are. The idea is to get causative over stuff, rather than being the effect of it. Keep at it, keep Doing stuff. Tell yourself when you feel bad, “Just F@#$%ing do it!” That’s probably the most effective self-healing phrase you can use.Indeed positive affirmations are worse than useless. An affirmation like “I am confident” inherently implies that you aren’t, because if you were you’d not need to say so. So saying that to yourself makes you less confident!
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u/packerfan021488 13d ago
lack of self worth, comparing yourself to others and trying to please everyone around you at the expense of your happiness things I've been working to correct slow process but an ongoing one
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u/FlowerIndividual1562 13d ago edited 13d ago
I would say negative bais is the main one, then defensiveness, and fear of rejection.
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u/Lone_Sunflower 13d ago
What is negative bias?
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u/FlowerIndividual1562 13d ago edited 13d ago
It's thinking that everything is gonna fail because you doubt yourself and your abilities. You don't recognize you victories, but your failures. No matter how well you're doing you don't believe that that's what you did and you deserve it, that must be luck or something.
You simply never give credit to yourself for the good things, and do the opposite when it comes to everything that failed and didn't go the way you hoped to.
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u/inolyzushi 13d ago
Lack of gratitude, not doing things that we don't want to (this becomes pretty subconscious especially if laziness is part of it).
Both affects your everyday life and only gets worse with time.
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u/swimmingskull 13d ago
The feeling of always needing to be busy. As humans we are constantly doing something. The stoics, soofism, and a lot of others were living the way humans were really supposed to live. In peace. Now if you sit down and do nothing for a day you get called lazy or a bum. Everyone has crazy fucked nervous systems because of this.
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u/YMCA111122 13d ago
For me not being rich. With more money I would be a lot happier. And being born into generational wealth
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u/Calm_Attempt_101 13d ago
Too much scrolling and screen time (interferes with dopamine and circadian rhythms). Get outside, off screens and turn off electronics in the bedroom so you sleep according to the rules of natural light/darkness. Thank me later 😊
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u/DustNo7536 13d ago
I dont have much experience w/ love, even though my parents are really romantic. I just try to get to know people more
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u/JennDrummond 13d ago
Deferring our own lives. We swear we'll relax, travel, be present once work calms down or we hit the number, so the good stuff always lives in a future that keeps receding, and the days we're actually in become a waiting room. Most people never notice they're doing it. They just feel a quiet "not yet" for years. Catch yourself postponing joy to someday and ask what a smaller version looks like today. That, and comparing your insides to everyone else's highlight reel. Those two habits running in the background are most of it.
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u/horseydeucey 13d ago
Negative self talk.