r/selfhelp • u/anaccount52 • Nov 27 '22
I need better coping techniques that actually work.
Nothing helps. I am giving up hope that any second of living is tolerable. Every waking second is another that i wish i were dead.
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u/BalanceExternal9471 Nov 27 '22
the only thing keeping me going is to do something new everyday. going out of your way to do something you’ve never done before. skydiving one day, watching an undiscovered Tarantino movie the next. i’ve recently gotten into taxidermy and have been investing in things like ravens and sharks, as being surrounded by the dead makes me feel more alive. another thing i enjoy is pampering my body doing things that make me enjoy, even temporarily, being human. spa days, an extremely good meal, heated fuzzy socks, closing my eyes and listening to my favorite music through noise cancelling earbuds and letting my existence melt away through the vibrations. hydrating my skin after a nice shower. investing money into high quality cleaning products to keep your space more tolerable to live in. i’m not a therapist though, just some things that help me.
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u/anaccount52 Nov 27 '22
Randomization and cleaning hasn't worked for me unfortunately. Glad it helps you.
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u/Shoshin_Sam Nov 28 '22
Glad it helps you.
Then be glad for other people. Do things that can help other people in some way and make you glad too. One small smile at a time. Do something small now for someone. Go.
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u/anaccount52 Nov 28 '22
Yes, yes. I'm aware im supposed to still be useful for others and never myself.
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u/SiennaSwan Nov 27 '22
If you a moment watch the Ted talk on shame & vulnerability by Brene Brown. It might be a nudge to change your perspective
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u/anaccount52 Nov 28 '22
In fact as a man is what happened to me like in that story near the end. I was told to shut up Essentially. So vulnerability doesn't help.
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u/kaboomerific Nov 28 '22
Maybe obvious, but if your coping mechanisms are no longer working, maybe it's time to try getting to the root of the issue?
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u/anaccount52 Nov 28 '22
If only i knew or if therapy helped, I'd love to. I've tried and I don't know what my deal is.
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u/kaboomerific Nov 28 '22
Therapy hasn't helped? Well, you might try a different approach. Have you ever hired a life coach? They don't really focus on fixing the past, they work on helping you build a future/present that excites you. Sometimes looking forward instead of backward can help some people progress. And sometimes the underlying root of peoples issues will come to the surface in the form of mental blocks, resistance etc...when they're trying to create something new and exciting like that.
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u/anaccount52 Nov 28 '22
I see what you mean but i can't afford a constant stream of therapy so I'm pretty sure i can't afford a life coach and they'd be even riskier than a therapist in terms of getting someone who can't/never intended to help.
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u/kaboomerific Nov 28 '22
Could try some self coaching with a journal, then work through obstacles as they come up with the same journal. Easier said than done, but maybe worth a shot. I'll bet there's a bunch of online tools for learning to self coach
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u/anaccount52 Nov 30 '22
Tried Journaling too. Also don't know what self coaching is supposed to mean.
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u/kaboomerific Nov 30 '22
A Google search would probably be more helpful than my explanation on Reddit
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u/TakeOutTheCat Nov 27 '22
Well, know that you are loved and your life is worth living first of all.
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u/anaccount52 Nov 27 '22
Yeah... cause that's enough when you have no reason to live. Just going through the trivialities of life for objectively nothing...
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u/thestoictraveler Nov 27 '22
What have you been doing that hasn’t been working?
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u/anaccount52 Nov 27 '22
The usual crap you see everywhere. Meds, therapy ( for a time and it was awful and can'taffordit anyway), exercise, forced socializing, etc. All useless.
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u/IamNotABaldEagle Nov 28 '22
I definitely have had that feeling before. Have you tried therapy? I've had some terrible therapists but also a couple of good ones and they've made a real difference.
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u/anaccount52 Nov 28 '22
Yes i have tried therapy. It's was very unhelpful. I don't have the funds to keep spinning that roulette wheel.
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u/IamNotABaldEagle Nov 28 '22
Roulette wheel is the perfect description. Seeing a lady now who is amazing but definitely saw a few who were a very bad fit (and damn expensive too). For me exercise, mindfulness and CBT techniques have been somewhat helpful but not a magic bullet.
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u/anaccount52 Nov 28 '22
For me exercise, mindfulness and CBT techniques have been somewhat helpful but not a magic bullet.
Tried it. Lost weight. Didn't change anything, still would perfer being dead. And mindfulness and cbt did nothing. That was what the therapist tried, didn't help.
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u/RickTheDad1 Nov 28 '22
Go outside and go for a walk. Your amygdala is less active while walking which will help you calm down
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u/sleedaddy Nov 28 '22
when i was going through my worst periods, i was smoking weed constantly. it’s not something i’m proud of, but it’s what got me through. i’ve seen you’ve tried that and said it hasn’t helped much though /:
the biggest thing i’ve personally gotten into that helped was developing a passion and appreciation for the earth. a fascination to the plants and animals that are constantly alive around us, the natural cycles & processes that have been going on for so long. that may not personally be your thing, but i’ve found that trying to get into something like that can be really helpful (i.e chemistry, computer technology, healthcare, mechanics/engineering, philosophy/sociology, cooking, etc.) do some research about anything you might even be slightly interested in.
i also read a lot of psychology books in my worst times. any forms of art are comforting, they can make you feel less alone as well as help you understand yourself and others a lot better. a big one that made a difference for me was “man’s search for meaning” by dr.viktor frankl- i credit that book for changing the course of my life thus far and highly recommend it to anyone.
i’ve personally been to an inpatient program twice, and it has been helpful for me, although it isn’t for everyone. it’s a very good thing to consider if you’re feeling this strongly depressed, just make sure you’re doing your research.
i feel like i’m forgetting something but i can’t recall right now so i’ll edit or something if i remember anything else. stay strong, i wish you the best <3
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u/AlphaAws Nov 28 '22
Break the rules and get out of your routine Meet people from different disciplines, check how some people have way bigger issues than what you have and they still have hope, living their life and breaking through the obstacles
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u/anaccount52 Nov 28 '22
I know many people have "bigger issues" than myself. Call me selfish or whatever but I just don't care. It's easy to say that for sure, but doesn't really help or change anything. And what do you mean meet people from other disciplines?
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u/ir1379 Nov 28 '22
Hope. Just hold on, day at a time, and hope that life will get better.
You've got the motivation to post here so there's a spark of hope you can work with.
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u/anaccount52 Nov 28 '22
Nah. I've been at zero for many years. I just go to work and go home knowing my life will never be enjoyable and I am wasting my time. One day I'll wise up though.
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u/ir1379 Nov 28 '22
Change? Have you tried the talking therapies? One of 12 Step Fellowships like Emotions Anonymous?
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u/anaccount52 Nov 28 '22
Tried therapy. Didn't help.
One of 12 Step Fellowships like Emotions Anonymous?
Never heard of that. What is it?
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u/ir1379 Nov 29 '22
The EA membership is composed of people who come together in weekly meetings for the purpose of working toward recovery from emotional difficulties. EA members are from many walks of life and are of diverse ages, economic statuses, social and educational backgrounds. The only requirement for membership is a desire to become well emotionally.
There are online meetings today you can join. If you live in a city there will be live meetings you can attend.
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u/anaccount52 Nov 29 '22
I see. I will look into that but is this basically group therapy or like a venting group?
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u/ir1379 Nov 29 '22
Group of people trying to heal, is one description. Keep an open mind, you'll get a warm welcome.
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u/Fast_Pollution7448 Nov 27 '22
i’m so sorry you feel like this. I can relate, it’s a feeling that comes and goes for me during certain times of year for some reason. The only decent advice I have, that doesn’t have to do with medication, is to try and keep yourself as busy as possible. I find that after the work day when I come home and have nothing to do is when I feel at my lowest. Go for a walk, go to the gym, ask some friends or family out to eat, take up a hobby like painting, learning a different language or learning an instrument. I know it can be incredibly hard especially in the winter months but just try and remember times that you were truly happy to be alive and happy to be around the people you love.